Speaker 0 00:00:00 Hey you. Yeah, you, if you or someone you know, is struggling with anything mentioned on today's program, please, please, please, please, please, please email
[email protected]. That's a U T H E N I C K. The
[email protected]. I am available 24 seven three 65 to help in any way that I can. I have resources. I have open ears and open heart and tons of hope. I've been freely given all these things and would love to give them to you. Be good to yourselves and each other. Follow me on Twitter, using the handle at authen, Nick and my dog, Marla on Instagram at DJ Marla dot Jean. During today's program, you will hear a mentioned multiple times the individual expressing their thoughts and opinions do not reflect AA or Alanon as a whole. Please enjoy.
Speaker 1 00:01:03 <inaudible> welcome. Welcome. Welcome, welcome. Welcome.
Speaker 0 00:01:36 My name is Nicholas Thomas Fitzsimmons Vanden Heuvel but most people just call me Nick. And this is my show off.
Speaker 1 00:01:45 Instead of tech, I had a neck cause I'm authentic. Okay. Whatever it is, my dog Marla.
Speaker 0 00:01:59 She's the Brook of <inaudible>. All right. That's that's enough. Marla, go back to saving us from bunnies. Anyway, here on authentic, where we get authentic, we talk about all things recovery. What do I mean by that? All things recovery. Well, what I mean by that is if you are still living and breathing on this earth, you yes, you are in recovery from something on some level in some way. <inaudible> this is my intro. So shut the fuck up Mike.
Speaker 1 00:02:27 Oh, anyway, I'm going to fuck up your show.
Speaker 0 00:02:36 We're in recovery from something, as for me, I'm in recovery from alcoholism. My name is Nick and I am most certainly an alcoholic. I'm also a drug addict. I have an eating disorder. I'm a compulsive gambler.
Speaker 1 00:02:46 I bipolar disorder. Really the list
Speaker 0 00:02:48 Could go on and on for ever good news for you. This show today is not about me. It is however about two people. First is my guest Irish. Mike second is one person that Irish Mike is most certainly going to help by giving his testimony today. Michael will share his experience, strength and hope as it pertains to his recovery. Without Fitbit, a T Irish mic, please introduce yourself in any way you see fit, sir.
Speaker 2 00:03:15 Um, I guess to the listeners out there in a great wide web interwebs world of their geographic <inaudible>, uh, is, uh, Shaw, Tommy, Tommy, Tom, sorry. It's Michelle, Michelle and ed enact August shot TA an alcoholic. This, uh, me, what I just said to you all is God bless you all are. Hello. Um, and thank you to all you up there. And my name is Michael Irish, Mike and I am indeed an alcoholic. So there you go. I dug it.
Speaker 0 00:03:46 What the fuck? Jibberish where you just spitting.
Speaker 2 00:03:48 That was Irish Gaelic, Irish
Speaker 0 00:03:50 Gaelic. And why do you call yourself Irish? Mike? Just wondering, is it because of that stupid fucking accent?
Speaker 2 00:03:57 Well, we could all tell, we could be talking about y'all. He wished Pete pulled out and put none to chinks on kind of a voice or no, you know,
Speaker 0 00:04:06 From Ireland, ladies and gentlemen, he is not an imposter. He is indeed straight up off the boat. Mike, why are you here?
Speaker 2 00:04:14 I am here because authentic invited me to be here. Say it right. It's authentic. Authentic there. Nailed it. Uh, why are you here? Our little retentive friend here, uh, has, has invited me to be here. Nick. Thank you so much. Like I said before here, thank you very much. It's really is an honor to be here and I really, really appreciate being here on your show and having the ability to share my experience, strength and hope
Speaker 0 00:04:39 I have, you know, Irish. Mike is the reason that I'm doing this show right now. Sorry, folks. So long story short. I was basically, no, not basically. I was fucking suicidal and I threw up my hands. I was talking to Michael. He was trying to guide me through my life and give me some experience, strength and hope.
Speaker 3 00:04:59 I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I'm a fucking Chevy. I've never did. I just want to perform for people. I don't know.
Speaker 0 00:05:09 No, maybe I'll just do radio and Irish. Mike leans across the table and he says to me, well, you know what, Nick, I know somebody at K F a I community radio. Is it okay if I give you her number? Is it okay if I give her your number? That's how I did it. Correct? And I said, yes. So I met up with Lydia Howell, who does the catalyst, which airs on Fridays at 11:00 AM here on KFA community, radio 90.3, FM Minneapolis and one Oh 6.7, FM
Speaker 3 00:05:40 St. Paul
Speaker 0 00:05:43 Radio without boundaries. So Michael hooked me up with KFH hooked me up with Lydia Howell. I became a volunteer here. I got certified on the soundboard. I did a few shows and I became a podcaster. And here we are from the bottom of my heart. Michael Irish. Mike, thank you.
Speaker 2 00:05:59 Yeah, well, you know, experience, strength and hope is what was put to do, right? And by the way, folks, just for the record and you can edit this out if you need to. I'm quite okay with that. Just for those of you out there in the great, uh, into Webb's world. Um, I am indeed Nick's sponsor and God helped me and God help him. You'll we'll be talking about that in just a little bit and to all you all out there in the interweb world, if you think I need to make an amends to you because of having this crazy lunatic on the air now. Sure. I could talk to your sponsor about it.
Speaker 0 00:06:30 Okay. Enough of the bullshit. Let's get down to business. Mike you're here because you are an alcoholic in recovery and you wish to help someone.
Speaker 2 00:06:39 Yes. Well actually I'll rewind that in. I am here because this is going to be part of what we're going to be talking about when we get to the, uh, the whole part of this little show is that when I got to alcoholics anonymous, um, I was told some things by those Mino bastard, old timers, and I loved those menial bachelor old timers. And they said that in the recovery program, you're not allowed to say no when you're asked something, unless you have a legitimate reason, like you have to go to work or et cetera, et cetera. And this is a spiritual principle. If you're there to reach out to help somebody else, you're not allowed to say no, unless you have a legitimate reason to not do it. That is why I'm here. It's because I was asked and that's the principle that I have been taught by these principles that we're going to be talking about have served me very, very well on so many levels in so many ways. And we're gonna be talking about that who and what I was then versus who I was in early recovery. Absolutely fucking nuts for the record. And we're gonna be talking about that too. It's called meth, induced meth and alcohol, and do psychosis by the way, just so you all know the best way I can put this is, is a fully functioning, somewhat, mentally healthy human being who is, um, so much spiritually on track. Let's put it that way.
Speaker 0 00:07:40 We'll get to that in about an hour, but an hour. Gotcha. For right now, I'd like to start at the beginning. What made Irish? Mike Irish. Mike, what was your childhood like?
Speaker 2 00:07:50 Oh, okay. Well, okay. So I'm in this part, make Nick, you may not know about, because I always talk about, you know, being from Ireland and I am from Ireland, but so here's the story. My mother and father were both raised very, very poor Catholics in Northern Ireland, in the North of Ireland in the very, I think believed the mid fifties to late fifties. They actually moved to America. Yeah. You didn't know I was born here. I'm an American shut the fuck. You didn't know that. Did you,
Speaker 0 00:08:14 Everybody that you were straight up off the boat that you came here for?
Speaker 2 00:08:17 Well, they did. That's part of the story. I was born here and I was born here in America, was born actually in the East side of San Jose, very, very rough area in San Jose standard. American story of this is where the immigrants go, where they start to start off, blah, blah, blah, long story short. My father who had, we could talk a little bit of politics that's okay. So because there's no tradition to being broke here with this. My father had been involved in the civil rights movement here in the United States and here in America. Um, cause it was a Catholic from Northern Ireland. He understood the, the issues that were going on and racism, hatred, bigotry, et cetera, et cetera. So he got involved in the civil rights movement here in the U S and they said, it's very proudly, um, that he was doing this way in the fifties, like way before it was cool and cheek and all the trendy folks were doing it.
Speaker 2 00:09:01 When the civil rights movement for Kellys exploded on the streets in, in Northern Ireland, my mammon I've got experience with this. I have to go home. And so he moved our whole family out there. They actually were there initially was in County, Toronto, and which is where he's from. And then we then shortly moved off of that to a County Armand, but four miles Southwest of Belfast, a place called Creek Avenue, long story short. I ended up staying there for the vast majority of the part there until I got back here to America in 1984. And that's part of my bottom, we're going to be talking about. And then shortly after that, about a year after that, I got into a recovery, started this, uh, this adventure of spiritual recovery. There's the story
Speaker 0 00:09:36 That you don't know about. That is the story I don't know about. And that's also the story that nobody else knows about. That's listening to this other than maybe your wife,
Speaker 2 00:09:44 The wife knows that they're not there. Some other people know
Speaker 0 00:09:46 That. Mike, when did you have your first drink or drug? I don't know. You don't know.
Speaker 2 00:09:52 Lee asked me when was the first time I had a drink a whiskey. It was a very, very different question. I probably, when I was, when I was young, by the way, we should start off with the fact that a mailman, the other part about him is that my man was, was, was in gut recipes. He's in peace. Now he's up at the boss right now. Him and my mother, both are, my father was a good, decent man when he was sober. And when he wasn't sober, which was a lot, um, he was a real shit head. He was a very violent man. I've been told stories. I don't, I can't remember any of these stories growing up as a child with mom, it's all gone. I've been in recovery. And
Speaker 0 00:10:25 What do you mean by that? It's all gone. There's no memory, no. Have zero memories. Zero
Speaker 2 00:10:29 Memories of growing up as a child. None.
Speaker 0 00:10:32 Well then at what age do you have your first name?
Speaker 2 00:10:34 Well, I have some very faint memories, but nothing around my family. It's just, you know, with my friends and stuff in America, my first real memories start when well man had sent my mother and us to Ireland. First, he, he was working at patches for us to get back to Ireland about a year after that he showed up back in, in Ireland. That's when things just went to shit in the family, which we're gonna be talking about. My memories as a, as a child in my family are nonexistent. I've been told stories and the kind of stories I've been told by other family members who are now Ultram recovery. Apparently my man, when he was, when he was getting drunk, when he get loaded, he was very, very violent. He would beat my mother. A lot. Parent used to beat her to a bloody pulp in a regular basis.
Speaker 2 00:11:13 I've been told stories about, he would like get drunk out of his mind, come to our little apartment in mountain view, California. And he would then lock us kids in the closet, in the bedroom while he beat the shit out of my mother. He never beat us, but he did beat her. I'm apparently in a very, very regular basis. I have no memories of his whatsoever again in recovery and also therapy long enough to know that that's a huge male red flag, that stuff wasn't so good. So that was myself growing up as a child. Why do you think he never beat you? Good question. Think I got to prove good answer for that. He actually did beat me once, but that was a whole nother conversation. My grandmother, his mother asked him to beat me because I'd done something. But anyway, I think just knowing what I know about my old man and I, and adore mailman.
Speaker 2 00:11:54 And while at the same time, having a very confused, convoluted relationship with this violent abusive man who will also beat up my mother, but also love and respect to him for who he was as a man and because of his politics, which is a whole nother conversation. I think knowing mailman and knowing who and what I am as a human being, growing up with this very, very, very, very fucked up idea of what it means to be male and not thinking that you fit that role model. And don't thinking that you fit that idea of being male. So you will act out in a violent way to kind of assert your own sense of being a male. A man, it's a very, very fucked up way of looking at the world. And I looked at that world that way, myself, when I was growing up. And that's the ultra part of my story. But Tim probably, he was just kinda trying to assert himself as being the, the court dominant male, because that's what managers are supposed to do. They're supposed to dominate. I think that's probably why he beat her and didn't beat us.
Speaker 0 00:12:44 I think that beating you would hurt her.
Speaker 2 00:12:47 Well, it probably would have meant again. I don't think it was a matter of, of wanting to hurt her per se. It was more a matter of, well, first of all, as every alcoholic knows when you're loaded, you do stuff, which is part of my personal bottom is that you do stuff when you're drinking that you would never do sober. And I think part of it was getting past that inhibition of, of beating another person beating, uh, your wife. And so again, asserting your own sense of being a mags. And I've never had this conversation with my old man yet. I lived with him for many, many years in between times of if he was gone, he was kicked out of house. That should be part of the story. I lived with him for a large number of years. Can we talk politics on this thing? You can talk
Speaker 0 00:13:24 About whatever the fuck you want. Cool. Okay.
Speaker 2 00:13:27 No, no, no, no. Well, we do have a good C-word story, but we'll talk about that. I live with my man. My man was amongst the other things was, he was a, and I can say this now because he's dead. Now. I can never say this in public until now, until this time, my father was very proud to say it was a very, I can remember of Oakland heaven, which you all know as the Irish Republican army, he was actually on the run from the authorities from 1973, I believe until, well, basically until the day he died, he was on the run from the authorities. I lived with them for a large number of years because I was also on the road and the authorities, which is part of the story. And so I lived with him for a long period of time. I got to know him quite well. Loved. My mom loved my old man while also understanding that he was a very, very flawed human being and had a lot of emotional and spiritual weaknesses. And that was a part of it.
Speaker 0 00:14:11 Which do you start actually having memories? Like where does, where does Irish Mike's life begin? It's kind of blowing my mind because you say you don't have any memories of most people,
Speaker 2 00:14:20 The Derrick, the David came to Ireland because of my old man. Wasn't there
Speaker 0 00:14:23 At what age was that? Yeah. So fifth grade.
Speaker 2 00:14:26 I don't know. I don't know. I like going by great. I had a great, told me to got him saying to me, well, that's how I make reference primary one primary two, shut up you old Irish. Fuck. Yeah. Well there you go. Then age 10, each 10, wherever you at. It was initially initiative buzz in a, uh, a place called Khalilah was my mother's my mother's mother's own her father's from granny and grandmas. I was in Cleveland company, Toronto. That's where my mother was from. My father was from the town right next door to it, uh, a done gun. So we lived up in granny for a little while, until we were able to get a house in, uh, Oh God Lord. It was a, a social experiment city. And the British government was trying to figure out what to do with the poor folk is what it really boiled down to.
Speaker 2 00:15:04 How are we going to manage the poor folk? And so they built this, which turned out to be an unmitigated disaster of a city called Kraven. I love Craig and Craig Avenue is my home. It is the epitome of complete fucked up-ness on so many levels. They built the city and an essence. They built the city because they needed workers to work on the Goodyear tire plant where my old man ended up getting the job. And then they closed the fucking plant down and the city died. And then it was just large fucking basically, well, you guys call them projects. We call them housing States. It was a gigantic.
Speaker 4 00:15:35 Yeah, it does sound so much nicer. Housing is so much more. Is there a manmade Lake? There, there is a man-made Lake. I see swans and serenity, maybe a weeping Willow.
Speaker 2 00:15:45 There was, well, there was a lot of weeping, but not very many fucking times.
Speaker 4 00:15:49 What was home life like? Actually, it was pretty cool.
Speaker 2 00:15:53 Although we did have the war, which was a whole nother part of the conversation. We were right in the middle of the conflict, which then erupted in, in the North Northern part of Ireland, Northeastern, um, occupied counties of Ireland. So we had the war, which we had to contend with that as a part of what we're gonna be talking about or civil conflict or whatever term you wanna use. Low intensity conflict is another word I've heard used terrorism is another word I've used. I've heard used. But anyway, uh, we had, we had the, the conflict going on in the North and that was a real back strengthening sort of experience. Don't sugar coat. That shit. No, no, no, you, you, you, you, it was like, you gotta do. If you don't, you die, you know, you learn to be able to think and act in that sort of a way helped me as a human being.
Speaker 2 00:16:31 As I got later on in life helped me to develop me as to who I am, what I am as a human being. And I'm very, very happy for that experience, but it was not always so good people died. Bombs, bullets, bullets, hitting your house, soldiers in the streets, beaten you up. You know, death squads less than death squads in my neighborhood. The part of our, of Ireland I was in that was actually what was called the three corners of their murder triangle, where the death squad activities were at its highest. The main one that we had in our area was that the UVF and then the LVF the Ulster volunteer force and the loyalist volunteer force caveat on is a perfect example. Let's talk about this for a minute. Little sidetrack on our discussion that my brother, his best friend's father, I call, I used to, I used to say this from what to tell you completely deadpan, no emotion whatsoever.
Speaker 2 00:17:15 It was just a series of facts. I'm going to be giving him, I've gotten past that other things I've done with as well. Like the cop can blown up. He used to do that too. I've actually I, now they are now emotional stuff. They're not just back driven. Dry statistics. I'm about to give you feel excused was my brother's, uh, Brian's best friend's father. Um, he was a father of really, they had seven kids. He was a Catholic in our area and he was on one day captured by a gang of Protestants. The death squad stuff was telling him about let's see, they slit his throat. They gouge out his eyes, they cut off his testicles. He stuffed his testicles into his mouth. They then hung them from the bridge downtown in downtown Portadown, which the town right next to us, it turns out that later on that it turns out that he was still alive.
Speaker 2 00:17:55 The inquest showed that it was still alive. So they, since he was still alive, they put them into the band river, which is the, uh, the, um, river that the bridge is going over and put him out of silver, him weighted down on rocks and killed him. The young man who got this as again, this is Northern Ireland. So the North of Ireland, um, the five young men that were there were caught doing this, uh, got six months cause we're Catholics. It doesn't matter. I'm not so important. So those sorts of dynamics, which is what part of drove the whole civil rights movement going on in Northern Ireland, which is based exactly. I mean, directly upon the civil rights movement here in that States for blacks in the forties, fifties, and sixties, a lot of very, very, very, very similar dynamics going up. Um, that's the kind of environment I grew up in.
Speaker 2 00:18:35 I've had friends who have been tortured. I've had, they used to capture a young Catholic head and they would use, we call them Stanley knives. You guys call them, um, box cutters about color. They used box cutters to carve on the names of the death squads onto your body. So they did that a lot. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they wouldn't, but sometimes they'd come into a pub and she did pop up with, you know, automatics, are they blown up with the bomb or stuff, but the express purpose of we're gonna try and kill as many colleagues as we can. And no, sorta like, um, there was no sort of like, we're gonna kill IRA, man. It was like any Catholic. Well, they have a term <inaudible> which means kill old tags. And that is the, for the American unsung. The word would be like saying kill. And it's literally those sorts of dynamics. So that's what I grew up with as a child. So when you asked me, how was my childhood growing up? It was a blast. I had a lot of fun with some bad shit in between
Speaker 0 00:19:22 With some bad shit in between. Yeah. Yeah. So at some point you started,
Speaker 2 00:19:27 I started drinking probably around the age of 10 or 11. I was actually a late starter, many roads. Most of the kids in my neighborhood started drinking 70 at night. I was a late bloomer and I first started, I started smoking right around the same time. And like I say, you know, I, I drank beer and wine and cider. It was a big thing to drink back then. And I kind of remember it, remember it. And I have memories of, you know, but I don't remember the exact day or time or you know, that sort of stuff. However, the very first day I drink whiskey as the day I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever forget. And I felt and pray to God. I never do forget that day. I was about, I think about 14, my best friend, Terry, Terry outwards, Terry and Shamie and Tony and I used to hang out together.
Speaker 2 00:20:05 It was a rough neighborhood where there's a lot of thieving going on and it still is a LA theme going on the neighborhood, including by me, by the way, I was a horrible thief growing up as a child, I think at 13 and 14, somewhere on there, we found a bottle of whiskey that already had been stolen from the local off license. Not sure what the pub, where you go to get off sales. I'm not sure what you guys call it. Like the liquor store, the liquor store attached to the, um, to the bar. They had obviously stolen it from, I know that, cause I used to do the shit all the time, myself, somebody had stolen a bottle of whiskey and stashed it in the bushes and we found it. And so we proceeded to drink it. And it was kind of like for all of us who were in recovery will know that,
Speaker 0 00:20:41 Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Speaker 2 00:20:45 This is what I've been looking. This is it. As are I later found out in recovery. That was, I was desperate trying to fill in that God-shaped hole in my soul with Buddhists, that whiskey worked, Oh God, I loved whiskey. I love whiskey. I love Danny hard. Like everybody Vickery was definitely Muskie was my friend. So that's when I first started, I really started getting into, you know, serious drinking up until then. It was like, you know, just going out for a few beers and some wine and some cider, when you know, you go out and kind of get goofy with your friends. And I did lots of that as well. Mind you, but no, my serious drinking started on that day and you know, nobody told me it was going to get worse, but Oh fuck me green. It got worse. It got to be a lot worse.
Speaker 2 00:21:24 How quickly did it get worse? No, that's such a loaded question because yeah, yeah, yeah. The truthful answer is right away. But, but the answers I told myself in my own brain was, this is great. This is fine. That's when I started drinking, I started living that lifestyle of, you know, in our own, the column corner, boys, fellows out, hanging out in the corner and you know, you're, you're in a very poor neighborhood. You're in a project here. You're not doing much of anything except you know, sitting around shooting the shit and, and getting drunk and getting high as much as you can, whenever you can. My first introduction to drugs right around the same time. Whoa, over here, you guys in America, you sniffed glue right? Often glue. Well, this was a stuff called thought pet top. It was a spot remover. You put it into the cloth and you, and you would get all fucked up. And I mean all fucked up in hindsight now in recovery, I know recognize what I was really doing. See when I was growing up, pretty much every alcoholic I ever met you don't feel good about yourself. You don't feel good about who you are. You don't feel good about what you are. Are you uncertain of yourself? You're unsure. You don't fucking dare. Tell anybody this shit caught. Fuck. No, I didn't like the way I felt about myself. I didn't like I didn't like feelings at all whatsoever on any level for them.
Speaker 0 00:22:35 What did you feel when you use those drugs and alcohol
Speaker 2 00:22:39 Relaxed, relaxed.
Speaker 0 00:22:41 A lot of people talk about being numb. That's that's what, that's what a lot of people want. They just want to feel know at the same time you also get that
Speaker 2 00:22:49 <inaudible>. Exactly, exactly. And absolutely. And then the numbness is a big part of it too. Absolutely. Yeah. You're killing off those bad feelings. You've gotten sad yourself. Abso-fucking-lutely that's the heart and soul of my understanding of what alcoholism is for me as an individual
Speaker 0 00:23:05 Life coming up for you was to put it very, very gently chaotic. It was absolutely chaotic. Death, destruction,
Speaker 2 00:23:15 Destruction, conflict, violent alcoholic father growing up with myself and my four brothers, all of us criminals. And we were all fucking rogues. And you know what I mean? You know who and what I am now. You know who a little bit about who and what I was then. And I always tell people like, I'm a nurse. Now that's gonna be part of what we're gonna talking about. I'd like to tell nurses that in my family, I mean, even now I'm the good one. And we're going to hear this fucking belief. No, in my family, I'm the fucking one that they would all kind of look and say, look, there's Mike, Mike's a good guy. We're going to talk about my family a
Speaker 0 00:23:43 Lot. You remember your first drink of whiskey? There you are. How did that drinking progress? I want to know how your alcoholism came to be. You admittedly say you're an alcoholic, you're a drug addict. How did that progress? What did that look like for you?
Speaker 2 00:24:00 For me? The second I took that whiskey. I know at that point, that trip had been switched. And there's no question for me whatsoever. Now, do they know what that meant? I didn't know where it was going to go. Of course not who in the name of Christ says, I know what I want to do. I want to grow up and become a fucking sloppy alcoholic, passed out in the corner, covered in piss and puke out in the field. That's what I want to do when I grew up. That's not what we do. That's what I became. I will also tell you blackouts. Let's talk about blackout. Showing blackouts have been, have been a regular part of my drinking. Always have been. It was just part of the package. I can remember. It was about 19 or 20 somewhere in there I was living in no, it was in Dublin living with my father.
Speaker 2 00:24:35 And um, of course I'm out there and my phone was a horrible drinker too. Probably an alcoholic. Probably sure. He was pretty sure he was an alcoholic, but I'm not going to diagnose him, let him do that himself upstairs. I remember I once came across, I was, at this time I was living in this little horrible fucking apartment, the flat and the, the, the flat was, it was, is a flat, you know, like a small apartment. And it's supposed to be for one person with like, you know, the bed, the kitchen and everything older than one room efficiency,
Speaker 0 00:25:01 Fancier, a studio. Well,
Speaker 2 00:25:04 Or a studio apartment. Yeah. Well we called them a flat and it was myself and my brother and my four other best friends were all living in this place. All of us, all of us raging alcoholics. And I can remember right around that time, I found this, it was Ireland version of the 20 questions. And I'm like sitting there reading the standard, going, and I'm going through the lesson, of course, with all the honesty that I could muster at that time, which wasn't very much. But you know, it was like, I think I got like, at that time, 12 out of 12 out of 20 was correct, you know? Yes. And then it said at the end of this as well, if you answered a three and more of these, you are definitely and alcoholic. I answered yes to all 20.
Speaker 0 00:25:46 My dad gave me that list to get the fuck out of here all 20.
Speaker 2 00:25:50 Like I said, Ali, Ali, honestly, I could muster. When I looked at it later, I was actually lying about shit whenever I did do the initial questions. Yeah, I was 22. No, but the point being the point of the story is that we're looking at that focusing in specifically on blackouts and I'm not going for fuck sake. What the fuck shit is this John, John, John, look, you're looking here. Fucking blackouts, right? This shit fucking blackout. Definitely junk. You can black where you drink, right? Yeah. Oh yeah. Marty, Marty. You, you be like out to, right? Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. Paul. Well, you'd be like, yeah, Brian. Well, fuck. I know you fucking do. I remember focusing on it and thinking this is complete horseshit because everybody has blackouts when they drank everybody blacks out. And I honestly thought that I thought that everybody that drank w w will blackout is just part of what you do when you drink. And that's because everybody I drank with blacked out when they drank, took me to be in recovery to understand and have it pointed out to me, by my sponsor that normal people don't do that. Normal people not drink. And then blackout and blackouts are when we get to the bottom part, just hitting your bottom. That is a very important part of my story, by the way, for my getting into the, uh, the bottom part. But yeah, no blackouts. Everybody's like, that's right. I thought so. I thought so a lot of our colleagues think that.
Speaker 0 00:26:58 Did anyone ever approach you and your five house flatmates about your drinking at that time?
Speaker 2 00:27:06 Yeah. Where can I get some more? No, I got a great story for you. Want to hear a great drinking story? Spin it. Okay. So again, this is in Craig, Alvin, right? I was visiting, um, another friend of mine and Oh Jesus. What was it? Paul Paul, my God, Paul. This is the kind of your standard chaotic insanity, which isn't a regular part of my life. Growing up as a, as an alcoholic, I was going to visit, uh, my friend, Paul, the projects is one thing, but the block projects are the fucking worst. As we all know, if you've ever lived in poverty, you know, the difference between a housing project and a block project, right. Paul lived in the block project, you know, it's where you kind of like, Oh, we're, we're from the, from the housing projects, these fuckers over here, they're, they're the real poor ones.
Speaker 2 00:27:46 You know, Paul lived in this fuck, this fucking little tiny little flat. And it was him. And, um, he was living there by himself. He had a little flat little efficiency, but his brother was there and his brother was like, I think 10, maybe Peewee, his name was PV. And so, um, me and, uh, John, my friend, my best friend, John, John's dead now, Marty, Marty's dead now to Paul. Paulie's dead and auto fucking all these people died. So anyway, the four of us went to go visit Paul and Paul was there and we had brought in a couple of cases again, us and you know, something rather, you know, Oh yeah, a bottle of Bucky. Buckfast, let's say gut rot wine. So we bought some, some gut rot Buckfast wine, by the way, Buckfast had, God's talking about buff. Buckfast Buckfast wine. When you held it up, you would see the sludge in the bottom of it.
Speaker 2 00:28:37 But as the man says, two bottles in your hula hoop, you know, you'll need two bottles of shit and you're fucking gone. Right. So anyway, um, so we, we ended up with a couple, couple of six packs. And so a couple of bottles of Bucky. Paul was there and TRO Paul Merton sitting there getting drunk out of her mind and you're doing our thing. And suddenly Paul goes, Hey, Hey, hold on, come on. You're PB, come on, you with me. So they go, I'm like, what the fuck? You know, we're sitting there waiting for him. And about an hour later, Paul comes back with this young brother, his young trendy, 10 year old brother, Pete PB, his dad too, for that matter, Jesus Christ. They're all fucking dead on the only one left alive or that group. Holy, should I just realize that anyway? So, um, no, I think Paul, no Paul said to get Paul's have to.
Speaker 2 00:29:18 Yeah. So anyway, um, Paul and PV come back and they have gone to a local bar. It's a fucking shithole dive bar. That's totally galleys. Havin is what it was called. And they had broken into the back and stolen a case of whiskey. So we're sitting there with a case of whiskey. So now it's like, okay, now we're going to get a fucking serious drink on here. And we started tearing into this, into this whiskey. And then all of a sudden Paul's mother and father show up and they are invited into the party. And so they start helping us drink this, this, this case and this 12 bottles of fucking whiskey, by the way, I have very, very vague memory to the next part. I mean, apparently, um, I had passed out at one point and they were using my body and on the couch to block the cops from coming in.
Speaker 2 00:29:58 That's part of the story and that's where I woke up. But, but apparently so, yeah, so we're at getting drunk. And of course, when you're drunk, you're making a lot of fucking noise and you make a lot of noise. People call the fucking cops, right? And this is the police force in Northern Ireland where there, these are the guys that run the fucking desk squad. So these are not good fucking cops. These two fucker cuffs show up, we call them filter, by the way, just for the record, they're not cops, they're filth. These two cops show up. Right. And they're they're they both have something Shingon sting guns, right? They're they're, they're, they're, they're Bulletproof vests. They're in a fucking rough neighborhood. They came in armored land rovers. Right. That's how they came into our area. So they apparently they came to the door. I ain't going to do this because this is for an effect. Right. So, um, they came to the door and next thing you know,
Speaker 1 00:30:47 Open up the door, please open the door, please. Okay, I'm done with, I'm done with that banging on the door
Speaker 2 00:30:56 Or next thing you know, Paul runs over to the door, drunk out of his mind. This is where I come from to the right. Paul opens up the letter box, just like the letterbox, just the, you know, when you put your letters in and he says, fuck off y'all bond cab Boston. Yes, fuck off. Fuck off. They close the fucking ladder blacks as they're like, boom, go on over to the door. We're getting complaints. Oh no, that's right. It's a critical part of the story I forgot about. So part of the reason that they were called in is because Paul and his father got into a fight because we're all fucking drunk as monkeys. And so Paul and his father got into a fight. Paul's father pulls a knife on him, stabs him in the arm. Paul comes out, goes into his kitchen contract. He's got to fucking stick knives in his hand to go out his father. Right. This is the point when the police showed up going, boom, boom, boom, boom. Opened up the door. Paul Lynn goes, he's distracted from killing his father too. He's going to kill the cops now.
Speaker 1 00:31:48 Wow.
Speaker 2 00:31:53 Oh God. Yeah. Well, yeah. And it was another, what the hell was another fellow's name? There was another fellow that joined us later on and he was wondering by the cops, he kicked in the back window to go jump out the window. And the car covered right. Tumble over. He would start to jumped out. This is a standard day for him. This is just another day here in paradise here in Irish, Mike land. Anyway, Paul drip, blood dripping down the arm, two knives in his hand and somebody opens up the door, right. And the two copies stand there and they just like, look at this scene and they're just like, just keep it down. We're getting complaints. And they walk
Speaker 1 00:32:21 Away.
Speaker 2 00:32:24 This is a, this is a, a not uncommon daily occurrence in the life of this alcoholic. And for the record, um, it was a lot of fun. I mean, it's pretty exciting. You know, a lot of fun you get that. You get a lot to those adrenaline rushes, which is still Finn loves adrenaline rushes till this day. That was just, and that was just life. That was just, that's what happened. That's what you did. These are the kinds of things that would happen. I will tell you also as growing up in a family full of thieves, including myself, that at any given time when we were in California at any given time, um, with the mountain view police department, that was right down below, have a scope gate. It was guaranteed. I mean, guaranteed, there was at least one of the cabin boys was in jail at all times.
Speaker 2 00:33:01 I mean, it just never didn't happen. And more often than not, it was like two to three to four to five of us were in jail. Uh, good times, good times that you would appreciate that. And your listeners might appreciate the little story too. So this was just part of, of what you did. It was just part of the life, you know, is every, uh, I'll call it like this. No, every alcoholic relates to the insanity. For me, it was, you know, growing up in the kind of neighborhood I grew up in being Groban, growing up in, in the kind of very poor neighborhood I grow up in, in the part of the world that I grew up in. That was just, this was just part of the life. It's what you did.
Speaker 0 00:33:33 At what point did you recognize or admit to yourself, your drinking, your drugging was not normal because you said you looked at the 20 questions and you're like, you're answering. And this is a bunch of bullshit with your friends at what point, because you're sober today. You've been sober for over 30 years. Obviously at some point you recognized that there was a fucking problem. Yes. When did you actually recognize that there was a problem?
Speaker 2 00:33:57 Well, so here's the thing. As, as an alcoholic, I always had, you know, I'm better for the record. I found out later that the only people who do this as alcoholics, normally people don't say, well, if I do this, then I'll be an alcoholic because normal people don't even their brains don't even go there. Give me an example. Well, for me, one of the big ones was if I drink, even when I don't want to, then I'm an alcoholic. I always pushed the bar ahead. The behaviors was like, you know, you know, you're not a holic F but this, the reason why I did that, and alcoholic is somebody who, who drinks wine in a park while you don't, when I was drinking wine in the park with the, with the bums. Well, no, it's just because they were a bunch of nice guys. And that was a nice guy.
Speaker 2 00:34:34 You know, this kind of insanity that this alcoholic had going on inside of his brain of a series of self justification for where I was at. So I always had like, in my brain a reason why it was okay, it was completely acceptable to be in San Jose Park, drinking wine with the wine hosts, perfectly acceptable because they were nice. I was a nice guy and they were just being very sharing with me, their, their, their, their wine. How can you say no to somebody being so generous with their wine, especially if it's a nice red, well, these guys didn't do the good stuff. You know, we're talking to the wine hosts broader, we're talking to wine hosts.
Speaker 0 00:35:09 At what point did you come to the recognition? You said you kept justifying. Yeah. There's all these justifications. Why did the justifications, and when did you admit or recognize you don't even have to admit it. When did you recognize that you were indeed in alcohol
Speaker 2 00:35:24 Part of, um, Oh God, let's let's let's, let's go down this little road here. Shelly, a part of my bottom, a big part of my bottom. Actually I had left Ireland and left my son in Ireland there. And I was, I was devastated by that. And I thought at the time that I was doing the right thing for him, I kind of really was doing the best thing for him because I was a complete fucking disaster as a human being. His mother had found another man that she was married to. They had a bunch of kids. So it was like, well, my son doesn't need me, you know? And by the way, what the hell is he going to do with me anyway? And you know why he decided to come back to America because after all this statute of limitations had passed, that's part of the story I saved.
Speaker 2 00:35:58 If come back to here to America, I had done some bravery, very bad things, which would have put me in prison for a very, very long period of time. And I'm not going to tell you what those things are. I'll tell you personally, but that's another story, but not on the radio because Johnny law's still alive and well, I'd done. Some was wanted for some very, very, very serious charges, which would have put me in prison for a good 25 years. And I didn't want to go to prison for 10 to 25 years. I came back here to America, but this time having the excuse or whatever the right way to even to put that as it killed my soul to be away from my son. And I recognized that it was definitely was the best thing for him. Cause he didn't want, you wouldn't want me and who I was as a, as a person at that time is be part of your life.
Speaker 2 00:36:37 It broke me and it broke my soul. And I went on a predictor. I mean, there's, there's the critics, excuse of drunk maids on my son. I'm just very noble person. It was left my son in Ireland and you know, he's got his happy life and I'm here crushed and broken. Oh my God, there's another whiskey there. Would you believe then you get to play off the Irish thing because Americans love Irish people and they love playing for Irish drunk. So, you know, they had that whole little finagling, little manipulative bullshit going on. And during that period of time, it was, I was doing lots of drugs. As I later discovered when I became a nurse actually started to really understand this, that I was going through drug and alcohol and do psychosis, primarily Buddhists. I did do a lot of drugs as well, but it was primarily boost.
Speaker 2 00:37:17 You know, it was, um, again, I loved whiskey or vodka or rum, you know, hard liquor was just my thing. What did that psychosis look like? So since you asked that question at that time, I could just come from Ireland. And I had met some people that I used to know before, and they were into a particular religious cult called Christianity burn. Again, they were burned again, burn the game, Christians. And they told me what this lovely story of how, you know, Ireland, you Catholics, Protestant, you know, very superficial view of the company. You Irish, you know, we don't do Irish Catholic or Protestant thing. We're just, we just believe in God and this is what we believe. And then you'll love it. And come on and going into our cult, there were Pentecostals for the record. They do this whole thing called love bombing.
Speaker 2 00:37:56 I found out later, since we're traditions are not important here, we can go into this little area. They did the whole love bombing thing. And I became a born again. Christian brothers and sisters. I've seen the little I've told you about this part. I'm told some of my friends, my friends that I go see on Friday, this little story about how at that time I come from Irish Catholic, poor white trash. Who's the kind of people that Irish Catholic, poor white trash, or the most comfortable with here in the United States, but with a strong criminal element to them, what kind of people are the most comfortable with outlaw bikers? I love the outlaw bikers and they loved me. And I used to hang out this one little biker bar called GWS. It's on El Camino real in mountain view, California. It was one last where I had my last drink, not the last one, but my last trick was at the one to one club.
Speaker 2 00:38:38 I'm hanging out with these bikers here and I'm starting to get into the God and in Christianity and my lower didn't Lordy, Lordy, Lordy, and the psychosis started to kick in. I started to understand a quote, air quotes here, folks that God was giving me secret messages. And he was giving me secret messages everywhere. He was giving me secret messages and songs. And part of my, of the insanity of my alcoholism was Adam. I would go to this biker bar with the express purpose of converting. The biker is to Jesus brothers and sisters, Alec preaching the word of God while I'm getting drunk out of my mind while I'm all fucked up on meth. And I'm preaching the Lord to the bankers. That is by the way, a very good dictionary definition of insanity. I was completely insane Baker, but I was convinced that I was being driven by this, you know, this, this God that I had.
Speaker 2 00:39:26 And I've always, God's always been like a, sort of like an understanding for me, some sort of understanding of me. And that's why I love recovery because I don't have to believe you're a God, you don't have to believe mine. I don't need to give you my God and you don't even have to call it God. Yeah. Remind me to tell you about that. But the door knob story. Anyway, the point being is that it was in this backer bar and I'm preaching the word of God to the bikers and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And during that period of time, I started to kind of look at myself and go, you know, I, like I said, I had these series of like, if I do this, I'm an alcoholic. And then I changed the goalposts. Well, there was one that was, that kind of are really, really can't get past this one here.
Speaker 2 00:40:02 If I drink, even when I don't want to drink, I want to drink. I didn't like the consequences, but I wanted to drink at this point. I was like doing this whole, if I do this, I'm going to become alcoholic. I'll change the goalpost. And, but then it became up to the, to the, the bottom line was that, you know, if I am drinking, even when I absolutely do not want to drink when I'm drinking against my own, well, Oh, there's that word wheel, isn't it. Then I am an alcoholic. And that was kinda my little. And I started to do that a lot. And I had started to go to the whole, I'm living this lifestyle right now of drinking and drugs. And this obviously is not the right way of the Lord. The load does not, you know, it says here in the <inaudible> the biblical, God blessed the Holy biblio Bible that thou shalt not do this and this and this and this.
Speaker 2 00:40:43 And so I started to kind of go, you know, it's just really going against my lifestyle. If I'm trying to be a good Christian here and I'm doing this and this is not right. So I'm going to stop drinking by God. I'm going to stop. And this is part of my bottom story, by the way. So I did this for, I did that for about six months of like, I'm just going to stop. And of course, every alcoholic knows that story, no matter how did you get to that place you do in the whole, no, this no I'm going to stop drinking. And then that weird, bizarre mental lapse happened every goddamn time. I'm not going to drink that night. And then I go out somewhere, go out and you know, just one or, you know, or just, and it even be eaten was even weirder than that.
Speaker 2 00:41:17 It was, there was no, not even a, like I probably shouldn't do this, but it was not none of that. It was none of that. None of all those discussions, the rational reasonings, that the consequences that are going to hell or none of that, none of that mattered. And they talk in the big book about that big blue book. They've about that strange mental lapse where I just, I just drank it. Wasn't a matter of not wanting to, or not wanting to, or deciding to, or fighting the urge. None of that crap. No, none of that existed. No, it just happened. And it happened over and over and over and over a big problem of drinking actually through a lot of my drinking career with a lot of it towards the end, I would, I would wake up in places where it was like, as I like to say, I, I on a regular basis for the record, when I drank, I pissed myself a lot. I pissed myself. I pissed some beds and piss and couches. I would wake up on people's houses. I don't even know who these people are. I shit myself once. Ooh,
Speaker 0 00:42:09 My friend's girlfriend cleaned me up. Oh, I woke up with somebody else's sweat pants on. Oh,
Speaker 2 00:42:16 Intriguing. Yeah. I had
Speaker 0 00:42:18 To write a note question whether or not I shit, myself, even though I found my shit covered jeans on the corner.
Speaker 2 00:42:25 Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, Hey somebody, that's my shit on him.
Speaker 0 00:42:29 That's true. I could have blamed it on somebody else. I wasn't very good at blaming shit on other people just ask my sister asked my sisters shit. They all took it.
Speaker 2 00:42:38 Any alcoholic. We'll all understand that one.
Speaker 0 00:42:41 So you piss yourself as an alcoholic
Speaker 2 00:42:43 On a regular basis and I'd wake up in places, carton piston puke. So I did that for a series of about six months of doing this where I really didn't want to drink and then went, ended up drinking now anyway. So you
Speaker 0 00:42:54 Were without defense of the first
Speaker 2 00:42:56 Drink. Bingo. I had always been with that defense against the first drink. I just didn't know it. That's the thing. And I remember, Oh God, I remember distinctly. I find again, I find this a lot later, you know, being a nurse, I know what really, really, really, really, really, really, really got me was coming towards the very end where I would black out after two drinks when you're an alcoholic and you do stupid stuff, it's a drunk, you know, you're like, you know, oil woke up and you know, I'm black, arthropod drinking. It's just what you do. And you wake up in the morning and be like, all right, what did I do last night? Oh God Mike. It was, you were so stupid. You tried to punch that cop. You did this. You tried to bust in this window here. You did this. You do all this crazy stupid stuff.
Speaker 2 00:43:31 And it was a regular sort of like, ha all right, what did I do last night? Oh God. No. Did I really do that? Oh my God. I, I got a great story. I'll tell you it in a little bit coming up towards the end there. But the bottom line is that I remember I'd be like, okay, well, what I do last night, people would go, what do you mean? You were fine? That chilled me to my core. And I didn't even know why I did found out later, again, being in the nursing program and becoming a student nurse that that's one of the signs of later stages of alcoholism and his goal got to do with the whole breakdown of the alcohol and the liver and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, scared the hell out of me. So then I started to really service.
Speaker 2 00:44:02 He'd do the whole key. I'm really going to stop it now, man, we're really going to stop. And that, that went on for, like I said, about six months of doing that and waking up the next morning and all my guy, here we go again and did it again. Oh my God. Okay. I'm okay tonight. I'm not going to do it. And what I'll tell him a little story before I get to the bottom. Really appreciate this story. I mean, this is a horrible story and it's hilarious at the same time at the end, you know, I was drinking a biker bars and drinking in the park with the park drunks. And it was a little, basically the homeless yahoos. And it was bar that we, that the homeless guys used at the park, rats were called. He called his house, the park rats. And, uh, we'd drink at this one bar.
Speaker 2 00:44:36 It was a horrible attorney, divey little bar, and went in there one day. And I walked in. I said, Hey, you know, Barcade, can't remember the guy's name now, but set me up with a shot in a bourbon, you know, or whatever it was. I was drinking at the time and the guy got up and he goes, the fuck. Are you doing here? I'm like, what I going? What are you, what are you doing? Here I go. What do you mean? He says, what do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? I, 86, two last night. I'm like, what kicked me out? What, what, what, what did they do? You don't remember Noah? I don't know. You really, really don't remember. No, I have no idea. What the hell are you doing? He goes fine. You fucker come back in a week. You're barred for a week. Turns out later I found out that what I had
Speaker 6 00:45:09 Done, what I had done, we
Speaker 2 00:45:11 Used to hold, there was this one part of the bar where like the pool table was at. It was like a little room off to itself where the pool table was at. And apparently I walked in there drunk out of my mind. It was two bar mates were, um, working in the bar and one, one of the girls come and he says, well, you have I go. I just had it run a drink for everybody. Cause you know, we drunks, we love to be hail fellow. Well met and people are loving us. And we had generous giving, loving people. And so I got to drink a Ron drink for everybody was about 10 people. And then the other bar may come up and she goes, so
Speaker 6 00:45:39 What do you want? I said, around a drink for everybody. So that
Speaker 2 00:45:41 Was two rounds come up. Right? Got runs. Rug. Got it. Was all done yet. And so the girl comes up. He goes, okay. So Mike, that'll be, you know, 54 50.
Speaker 6 00:45:50 I don't have any fucking money.
Speaker 2 00:45:52 That's what I got. Eight, six, four from this little dirty dinky little bar where all the fucking park, that's all drank at back to the bottom. I always use the date of December 7th, 1985. The honest truth is I have absolutely no goddamn idea what my real sobriety did is I just don't. I know roughly when it was, and it was summer around the first week of December. That's all I really know. So I used it December 7th, which I didn't even realize it was Pearl Harbor day. So, you know, the day that we started getting bombed is the day I stopped getting bombed. As I like to say. Yeah. Did you pick that on purpose?
Speaker 6 00:46:22 No. No, I didn't. I didn't know what the fuck. December 7th was fucking Harrison. What the fuck? The way it, yeah,
Speaker 2 00:46:30 The first week of December. So we'll just go for the salmon. Right? I had a series of, I had my, my, my dear fan, Paul, Paul homeboy. I call them, we call each other homeboy, Paul, see, we both drank the same way. We both were the same kind of drinker. We swell. He'd gone so well together. We were always getting to the legal scrapes together. That was just kind of part of the package. And so at that point, Paul was, I can't talk about how he had a drinking problem too. And I charged him. Oh man. You know, I'm starting to, you know. Yeah, yeah. So we started to hang out together with the express purposes of trying to stop drinking together. Every time it came up to where, okay, Paul, I'm not going to drink tonight. It became a joke with us. Paul would just go, Hey Mikey. And he'd take out. It was a little bit, a little mini bar. Cause he had a bunch of those from his father. He used to steal them from somewhere. He cleaned them together. <inaudible>
Speaker 2 00:47:18 it's the good whiskey Mikey, come on man. And so of course I would drink times where Paul would they be? Not my Mike. I'm no, I'm serious. I need to stop this shit. This is just messed my life too much. And gusta, of course I'm like Paul clink, clink, clink. And it became like a thing that we did for about the last couple of weeks. We started drinking. So the last night of drinking Paul and I both were like both like general Kate to say, we're not going to drink tonight. We're both not good. We're not doing the clinical. I think we're good. We're good. Right on. And we went out to alcoholics who we used to go to this little coffee shop when we were like trying to get herself sober, uh, just to kind of hang out and something to do really. It's really going well, what do you want to do?
Speaker 2 00:47:58 Well, let's go shoot some pool. Okay. Well where do you shoot pool at a bar actually specifically a bar called the one-to-one club. Part of the story is that my brother Brian had told me about this place that was at the old mountain view high school. And it was some sort of like some sort of a club. And they had a pool in here. He told me this, you know, a few months back when this club was there and they had this, they had a pool table there and they serve coffee, but they didn't serve boost. That's all I really knew about this place. Right. Paul and I both could go out into we're going on this, go to the one-on-one club while you take two alcoholics and a bar with a pool table. That strange mountain thing happened to us, both. And I remember waking up the next morning, just like, Oh my God, I'm sick.
Speaker 2 00:48:34 Oh my God. I did it again. Oh my God. I did it again. Paul, what the fuck? We were both really, really, really, really, really, really, no. We really, really, really didn't want to drink the time. Really? We really didn't and here we both are passed out on Paul's. I was on Paul's floor. Paul was in his bed and before in his living room and his old man lived in there as well, which is a whole nother, crazy story. But his father was a horrible God. He was a horrible alcoholic. I'm sure the man is dead now. So I woke up the next morning during this whole time I was too, by now recognize now what I was doing was I was saying each time I was going, okay, God, God, each time is that God, I'm so sorry. I screwed up on you. And no, it was really bad on me.
Speaker 2 00:49:09 And you know, I'm really next time. I'm promise you. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to drink this tent. Nope, God, this time I really mean it. Nope. Oh my God. God. I can't believe I did it. No please. God, I not really not. I'm not going to do it this time. That morning I woke up on the floor. I said, well, I have always called the out the true alcoholic prayer. And it was like, instead of me saying, God, I'm not going to drink. It was like, God help. I can't do this. I don't know what to do. And it was the most heartfelt prayer I've ever had in my life. God, I don't this isn't me saying I'm going to stop drinking for you. I, I can't. I'm in capable of stopping. And I had reached finally that final point of no really I I'm drinking when I don't want to, no matter what woke up the next morning.
Speaker 2 00:49:52 And I said to Paul and he just goes, Hey, Paul. I'm like, fuck dude, we did it again. And he's like, he's like, he's kind of looking at me like lost too. And he's goes, what the fuck do you do? You know? And they said, Joe, my shit, I tell you about Paul. My brother told me about this place and all I know, and I remember specifically using these words, I said, Paul is over at the old high school. Only knows they're going to pull table there. And it's safe because they don't serve booze there. Who dress specifically? The words I said, and I walked into that particular club was a club of which there were a secret society of Yahoo's hanging out there. That was where I first introduced to recovery, where it was explained to me the way to not drink as you just don't drink today.
Speaker 0 00:50:32 And that is a perfect segue, Mike. Alrighty, Irish, Mike, thank you for honestly, thank you for sharing your experience. And now it is time to move on to some strong rank. Mike is about to get some help. We'll be right back. The following story told by Irish, Mike is both true and extremely graphic. If this is not something that you wish to hear, please fast forward to the music that Michael has picked back home in dairy by Christie Moore. The bird is the word bird. Alberta's the word. Okay. <inaudible>
Speaker 2 00:51:17 All right. So, um, another story about telling things that are absolutely horrific, where there is, that was at one time. Absolutely no emotional context to this whatsoever. I've again, realized that in recovery that as a defense mechanism, that one develops with dealing with traumatic situations, um, I was about 16 years old and I still hate cops just for the record. Just putting it out there till eight cops always have always well filth, filth the filth. Yes. I hate the filth always have. There was, um, is again in Ireland and it was a, um, our housing stats, the nicest States, the fucking projects and was the one next to us. I was actually pretty much empty because it was a one between a Catholic area and a processing area. So it wasn't a whole lot of people living in that one. Cause they were like too close to each other.
Speaker 2 00:51:58 So it'd be tensions, et cetera, et cetera. Well, um, I heard a big old, huge bang. I ran up and I was the first person at the sign at the site. I used to say it when I had told his story, I know, say him and Rick and now recognize it was a human being. So in a way, um, I got there and uh, there was a cop had stepped on a landmine. Len was that was actually puts, um, underneath of a, uh, a manhole cover, very ingenious, good way to set up a booby trap. Uh, the cop was blown to pieces. I mean literally blown to pieces. I remember, um, there was like a telephone wire. There was a leg, a leg was hanging from the telephone wire. I looked up and it was, it was actually was um, on the sidewalk in between two walls, perfect place to do a booby trap.
Speaker 2 00:52:35 All the forest was contained in the explosives. I looked up on the wall and the wall had like dogs on it, you know, victory to the IRA, you grip political graffiti. And there was a piece of shirt with a piece of flesh attached to it. And again, in the first place, the scene, nobody else was there. I'm 16 years old. I fucking hated the cops. I mean fucking hate. They run death squads. So you know, every good reason to, to hit these, these, these filth. So I remember I, I ran up to it, um, saw that, that piece. Uh, I saw a piece of, of this man on the wall with the shirt, the blue shirt, it was just that kosher. They were took that piece of, uh, of chert and human skin from this man who had just been blown to pieces. I looked at him, used to say it.
Speaker 2 00:53:13 I looked at him, I laughed at him. I spat on him. I threw him on the ground. They walked away at one time when I told that story, it was a very much of a very automatic mechanic. No, I mean, one thing is alcoholic. Doesn't want to feel his, you know, that's kind of why he fucking drank part of it. There was actually no, no emotions attached to either one of those stories. Um, you know, I found out later that, you know, those are fucking horrific things to happen to you as a child. You know, like that sort of shit. It's not supposed to happen as a child. I've also seen another things by the way, um, shootings, a shorter shot in the head. Um, we would have bombs go off inside of our bars and spray with machine gun. I was once time was red outside when they did that in Dungan, all these things are, are, are things which you know, is not normal for a normal, happy, healthy, sane child to be going through. But these are the part of the experiences I had growing up in the North of Ireland. So yeah, by the way, I have feelings about them though.
Speaker 1 00:54:04 <inaudible> is always here on author, Nick and keeping authentic. We have to pay credit where credit is due, the musical stylings you earned on today's program. First, you hear what you always hear. My, my, my, my, my, my, my mind ness by muse. And then we got in to Merkel's <inaudible> to take us off into the night sky. You are going to hear back in Derry by Christy Moore. Remember be good to yourselves. It is ever so important. Dino Surrey. We sound out from the sweet tone of Darien for Australia, the, the max rusty iron chains have a great photo away, a good women. We lift and sorrow as the man sells. And <inaudible> white horse is a rod high chicken sauce.
