Speaker 0 00:00:00 Hey you. Yeah, you, if you or someone you know, is struggling with anything mentioned on today's program, please, please, please, please, please. Please email
[email protected]. That's a U T H E N I C K. The
[email protected]. I am available 24 seven three 65 to help in any way that I can. I have resources. I have open ears and open heart and tons of hope. I've been freely given all these things and would love to give them to you. Be good to yourselves and each other. Follow me on Twitter. Using the handle at authen, Nick and my dog, Marla on Instagram at DJ Marla dot Jean. During today's program, you will hear alcoholics anonymous, sex and love addicts anonymous and debtors anonymous mentioned multiple times. The thoughts and opinions expressed by the individual do not reflect these 12 step programs as a whole. Please enjoy
Speaker 1 00:01:09 My mum. Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum.
Speaker 0 00:01:36 Hi there. Welcome back to author. Yay. The episode you are about to hear is part two of Irish, Mick. In part one, you heard the experience portion of Mike's story. As he talked about his recovery from alcoholism, drug addiction, and a great many other things coming up just after you hear me stop talking and then start talking again, is those words and the hope of Irish Mike's story. It was going to be a good welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back to author Irish. Mike, you gave me a perfect segue. At the end of the last segment you told your experience, you got to your bottom, just couldn't do it anymore. And you asked your higher power. You asked God for help. What did your first step of help look like after asking God?
Speaker 2 00:02:40 Well saying to my good friend, Paul, there was this place down here where they have a pool table that because our last drinking had gone over going for a game, a pool in a bar. Well, this was perfect because it was, you know, it was a, they had a pool table there. They served coffee and they didn't serve booze. So it was safe. That's when I first walked into this place, which I only heard about and was introduced to the recovery lifestyle. Let's just put it that way. I've heard there's a secret, super secrets anonymous society out there of with people doing things like steps and stuff and service and other sorts of things I found out all about later with these Mino basketball immuno bastard old-timers there is the strength. There are those fucking mean ass bastard, old timers folks. I got news for you. If you're a sponsor is not pissing you off on a regular basis in my own humble opinion, based upon my experience, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah sponsors are supposed to piss you off. They're supposed to make you look at sheet. You don't want to look at and more importantly, take a look at yourself rather than blaming everybody else.
Speaker 0 00:03:36 How would you explain a sponsor to somebody that has no idea what the fuck you're talking about? What is the sponsor?
Speaker 2 00:03:41 A sponsor is a person who has went through the program of the program of the 12 steps for recovery who can share with you, their experience, strength and hope and how they got there. They do not fucking tell you what to do. They share with you. This is what I did. This is my experience. And from the record of menial, Bassett old-timers God bless him, told me all kinds of cool stuff like that. You don't share your opinions, you share your expense.
Speaker 0 00:04:03 What other kinds of things were they telling you? How were you staying sober?
Speaker 2 00:04:06 Interesting question that, see here's the thing, you know, when, when we talk about the steps of recovery, you know, and I fully, fully, fully, you just heard the story, why I fully understood that whole thing about being powerless. Okay. I got that shit. I didn't realize until later there was another half of the step, but you know, I was absolutely powerless over alcohol. I got that loud and clear. And yet when I hang out with these crazy people talking about this crazy stuff, I didn't drink today. And that was one of the first things I heard is Mike, you just don't, don't worry about next week. Don't worry about the NOC doctor's appointment. Don't worry about seeing the medical appointment. Don't worry about getting the job. Don't worry about any of the shit you had just don't drink today. You don't drink a day at a time.
Speaker 2 00:04:45 And that was an introduction to the, what I later understood to be the spiritual principle of living in the fucking now, not in them or in the future, but now right here right now. And that's how I did it. Just due. Do the data time, hanging out with these, uh, these craziest drunks who were sharing with me, their experience and hope. And, uh, we all sat together on the good ship lollipop. Stan sober, used to hang out at coffee shops. And I remember an early recovery is like, I always got this overwhelming sense of relief at two o'clock was safe. The bars are all closed. Now we can get shit. Yeah. Again, I'm primarily a drunk. So the bars are all closed. I'm hanging out with these other sober people. They're not sharing their whiskey with me, et cetera, et cetera. My first early, early year old recovery, basically just hanging out with these people.
Speaker 2 00:05:26 No, for the record, by the way, I'm going to talk about how, um, I use the sobriety date of December 7th. Another part of my story that you actually may not know this. I don't remember my first five days of recovery at all. I have a very, very, very, very vague memory of being taken up, up into a house, up in the Hills, somewhere as a whole in old it's all I remember, I'm assuming I was going through pretty bad DTS. That's where I was introduced to the idea of orange juice and honey, this is an old for all the folks that don't know the old school program stuff. This is the welcome interaction, the old school stuff. I'm going to pause you for a second. The, the
Speaker 0 00:05:58 DTS you were talking about, those are delirium tremens what does that, what does that look like? What does that feel like?
Speaker 2 00:06:07 It fucking sucks. It hurts. It, it is a pain, like no other pain, cause it's not just a fit is a very deep physical pain to very deep psychic pain. You shake like a motherfucker, you see shit, you see shit that ain't there. And you kind of think that it's not there, but you're not really sure if it's really not there or not. Cause you know, it's just, and for me, I didn't get the direct DT stuff where I actually see. So it was always on the edge. Oh, it always should be skin weird shit on the very edge of my periphery. That was a big part of my duties and that much I do remember before I went into the fog of my first days of being sober and I have very, very, very little memories of that orange juice and honey, it's an old school, old timer thing.
Speaker 2 00:06:46 And I later found out why they explained it when alcoholics. And this is, this is a theory of course, but well, alcoholics drink alcohol. The alcohol is converted inside the brain to a very simple, basic sugar. I don't know, but in this, but this is what it's been explained to me. And it makes perfect sense as a nurse that inside the brain, we have this chemical thing that goes on that changes the alcohol to very simple, basic sugars. And then from there it's changed the set most instead of our brains, part of that whole craving process of, of, you know, going through the DTS is you're craving that. There's like some sort of a mixed connection, a missed connection between the alcohol being converted to the simple sugars, to the other thing, take an orange juice and honey it, by the way, just for the record, it fucking helps.
Speaker 2 00:07:27 Um, that's why they say in early recovery, it take lots of sweet things. Take lots of chocolate. If you notice you're getting lots of cravings for like chocolate or sugar or sugary sweets or that's part that's part of that whole process. Your, your body is kind of craving that, that missing link of between sugars, simple sugars to that other chemical compound and said the brain. And that's why it helps. But yet orange juice and honey helps with, with the shakes, absolutely tremors. It helps with the anxiety related to the, uh, DTS. I can't remember it helping with the hallucinations, but then my hallucinations are very, very, very foggy. So I don't have a whole lot of memories of them, but yeah, it helps
Speaker 0 00:08:01 As a nurse as your profession, helping others. When you see people come into hospitals for their detox, which is what you explained your yeah, your detox days, it's a miracle that beyond all the other shit that happened before that it's a miracle that you made it through that detox process alive, you can die from withdrawal off of alcohol. That is a fact.
Speaker 2 00:08:29 Yes, it is. There's a way to ease that. And that's part of why the orange juice and honey was the old school stuff. Nowadays, they give you a Librium or um, something else. Lilium is the big one. I was on Librium. Yeah. The Librium kind of helps with, uh, with the anxiety and the shakiness of that thing. And that's part of what you can do as you say, if you go through serious DTS and you don't have somebody watching out for you, you can go into seizures and you can die. Yes.
Speaker 0 00:08:52 After going through your detox in the woods with the guys. Yeah. What was next? You said you were part of this 12 step secret society,
Speaker 2 00:09:03 A secret society of people that are all completely anonymous. You know, let's talk about Irish mic, shall we let's do it? Here's the thing I had, you know, I was pretty much fresh off the boat from Ireland, by the way. Um, I'm my ax is just about gone. I had a very, very, very, very, very, very, very thick accent, apparently. So at the group that I got, I got together with, um, we had all these different nicknames. Cause you know, when you first come in, it is anonymous. You don't let people know who your last name is. A lot of people got nicknames. Like I was Irish Mike, my first sponsor was tall bell. We had under the bridge Bob, we had T-Bird Joe, we had all these great names, great nicknames. And I have such very, very dear fond memories of all these people, tall bell Teper Joe. And you know, under the bridge, Bob Wiley, great. All the guys, man, they were great. Great bunch of guys,
Speaker 0 00:09:47 These guys beyond taking you through these 12 steps of recovery, what else were they doing to help you?
Speaker 2 00:09:53 I remember when I first got into this, you know, this recovery process program, group people, super secret society of anonymous folks. Up until that point, I had always, always, always felt out of sort out of ways, not part of the norm didn't fit in all that stuff that, that you hear people talk about. All of a sudden it was like, I see this new baby new people all the time, very much on purpose. This is exactly what happened to me. I was home. I finally fit. I was finally at home as these mutual bastards would say, and they're very loving, very gentle and very firm way. Let us love you until you can learn to love yourself. And that's exactly what those guys did. They loved me until I could learn to love myself. And by being a bunch of mean bachelors, tell me something I didn't want to hear. Tough love is a very real thing.
Speaker 0 00:10:36 Being in early recovery. There's a lot of talk about this service. You gotta be of service, got to get outside of yourself. What sort of service work were you doing to help others?
Speaker 2 00:10:47 Oh gosh. Well of course there's the whole, there's the whole idea of coming to a meeting and putting your ass in a seat is by definition. And I can fucking service because you're not just there to help yourself get sober. Because if I had to shut up in a room full of empty seats with nobody else there, where the fuck would I be? That's the whole thing. When people first came to the program and they see all the people who were actually getting arrested, sober and keeping the rest of the sober that is by itself is not going to service. I do know that I was told, like I was saying to earlier, I was told very, very clear race, certain terms, you are not allowed to say no to the recovery program. If the recovery program asked you for help and if somebody needs help, unless you have a good reason, I E you have to go to work or, you know, some sort of reason like that.
Speaker 2 00:11:31 You have to go, you fucking have to go. Got a great story for you. Imagine that I got a bunch of great stories for you on this whole issue. It services such a big, huge, important part of my recovery program because it's how I was taught. And when I did, it was like, Holy shit is what these guys are talking about. This shit actually works. I was told again, you know, again, you're not allowed to say no, right? So I would hang out at this super secret society club of crazy anonymous people, the freedom fellowship, we got a call and they were part of the whole 12 step they're on the host, 12 siblings. So people called and so I'm sitting at the desk. I'm sitting. I'm not, I'm not at the desk. I'm sitting in the coffee, shop a little coffee area, represent the pool table, the famous pool table. We got a call. Hey, Hey, Irish, Irish mate. Hey, listen. Um, we've got a 12 step here and it's a wet one. Okay. And I was also told, by the way, for the record 12 steps, you can go on on your own. If they're a wet one, you are fucking not allowed to go alone. You're just,
Speaker 0 00:12:23 So what is this 12 step call? What is a wet one?
Speaker 2 00:12:26 A wet one is somebody who is currently in the process of actively drinking, who is trying to reach out for help to stop himself from drinking drunk. So why do you go? I was there and they called and they said someone needed to go. And I was told that you're not allowed to say no, you'll get a grilled chuckle out of this. I'm not, I was about maybe six months sober at the time I had to go, had to go on this side, this 12 step. And there's a white one. So I was like, okay, well I know the rule. You know, I remember being told and my sponsor told me you can't do it alone. You know, you have to bring somebody with you. So it was another guy there. Um, Bob, Bob under the bridge, Bob, Bob, great guy, he was dressed up very PR and I'm I'm, I'm like, let's put it this way.
Speaker 2 00:13:03 I had many people in early recovery and for the first couple, three, four, five, 10 years of my recovery, I was told I pretty much looked like a street rat because I came from that urban biker sorta like as kind of who and what I was. And I was hanging out with sober bikers and blah, blah, blah. Well, this guy was in, in an very nice Brown three piece suit looking very nice, very professional. And I went, uh, Bob, Hey, listen, I got to sweat 12 step. And I've been told I can't go along. So can you come with me? So he goes, Oh, he's like, Oh, okay. He goes, so I go, okay, now I know we're supposed to break a big book. Right. Okay. So, you know, get this book, bring a book, you know, and bringing somebody else with you. So, you know, when toddling off and it was actually, it was a, um, a mobile home park or right beside the VA in Palo Alto, California, when you get to the place and we get together. And so I turned to Bob and I said, okay, Bob, so now how do we do this anyway? And the guy looked at me and says, what the fuck are you talking about? I go, well, how do you do this? 12 stepping thing? He goes, dude, I'm sober two weeks. I have no fucking idea what you're talking about.
Speaker 0 00:14:01 And guys in early recovery that really don't know what the fuck they're doing or what they're supposed to be doing or what the fuck. So when you do, what do you guys do?
Speaker 2 00:14:12 You intend, and we shared our experience, fixing hope and what we brought a meeting to the guys, mobile home park.
Speaker 0 00:14:17 Right. But what was that experience? Strength and hope you shared with this guy, you to being an early recovery, what was your message? What were you sharing with this guy?
Speaker 2 00:14:26 Just don't drink Dan at time. You don't take the first fucking drink. No matter what. At my old group, I had this one guy, I love this guy. Cause he was like, just so nuts on this is the way let he says, you know what folks in this program. And I use this one a lot in my early recovery, the winters, this program and the ones that don't drink, fix, or use the trigger, pull the trigger, no matter what you don't drink, you don't shoot dope. You don't blow your fucking head off no matter what. And it was explained to me that don't you fucking, and those of you, by the way, in early sobriety, who are going through tough times. Um, and I say this from the bottom of my heart for fuck sakes, do not fucking kill yourself. And I'll tell you why you don't know who the fuck you're even killing.
Speaker 2 00:15:03 You have no idea who the fuck you are as a human being. And you've no idea the, the trials tribulations and the absolute fucking joy you're going to be experiencing in this thing called recovery. Don't fucking drink, don't fix or do whatever it is you're doing. And don't pull the fucking trigger to your head no matter what. And that's also part of my story, but not pulling the trigger. No, no matter what, when we get to the fourth step stuff, we, we went there and I was laugh. He's still sober. By the way, by the way, the moral of this story is is that the guy that, who did the calling, I have no idea if the guy ever made it to a meeting. Again, no idea. The bottom line is that I didn't drink that day. Bob didn't drink that day. And that's kind of what I was told.
Speaker 2 00:15:43 And I've got another little story about that whole concept, um, in a, kind of a reverse way of that. Another guy called Bob. Now I think about it. I was actually living in Michigan in the UK and I was sober at this time. Um, I'd say about, well, got a, I was a brand new nurse, so it was about 10 years sober, roughly 10, 11, somewhere in there. And I'm living up in the rural, rural Michigan. And um, I put myself on the 12th set list. So I got a call and this is a wet one. So I'm not going okay, well, fuck. I know the rule not allowed to go along. So I'm still going by the rules that these old <inaudible> old timers gave me, which I've held onto since that, because that fucking works. And it was going to a little, a little group there and the group of super secret, super secret anonymous folks.
Speaker 2 00:16:23 They're up in the UPC as well, who were not drinking. Also one of the people who was there was a regular there let's just say, was having some struggles with that whole concept, not taking the first drink, no matter what called him and said, you know, Hey Bob, listen, I got it. I've got a 12 step and this guy's wet. So I needed someone to come with me. And his response was, you know, man, you know, I don't know if I really want to do that. Damn man. You know, I had always been told, you know, just don't say no, you know, and I was quite frankly, I was fucking horrified that this guy was saying, fuck, I know, and the moral of this story is, and it's not a judgment on this guy at all, but it is an observation that that guy continued drinking.
Speaker 2 00:16:57 And the other guy that I did call who fucking did drop everything he was doing to come help me to help this other guy is also still sober. The funny thing about that particular story was they were at the guy who was asking us to bring him to the local, um, detox there, you know, him and his old lady were like fighting because he was drunk out of his mind and human there's, a lady are fighting away and doing their thing. And his last word says, yeah, well, fuck you too, bitch. That was his parting words to his wife as he was being taken off to detox. I'll never forget that moment. The button, the bottom line is that if you were called to help another person in recovery, you do it. If you have a real reason, like, you know, you have to be at work or you know, something good and that's legitimate bottom line. Okay.
Speaker 3 00:17:35 I don't know the story, my sponsor, tall bell, God bless that. Man. Bill
Speaker 2 00:17:40 Bill was, um, taught in the same school of recoveries. I was the old school son when he first kit come, come into the recovery program and you know, you're going, well, let me tell you what I'm thinking. <inaudible> you know, and that was it. It was a matter of, you know, very gently, very lovely, but very friendly son, sit down, shut the fuck up and listen, we don't want you what you got. You want what we got if you want, we got to sit down, shut the fuck up and listen, oddly enough, when you do that, you start to learn some shit about recovery rather than spewing your own fucking crazy ass opinions and ideas, which got you there in the first place. So anyway, bill was, um, you know, I was, I was my head, my sponsee, um, God, what was his name? Steve. Steve.
Speaker 2 00:18:19 Steve. So Steve was, um, he and I was doing the thing with him. So, you know, does it, do you do service, you do recovery. You do the stabs, blah, blah, blah. Steve called me one day. He goes and he's like an, a panic. He was Mike. I don't know what the hell to do. I'm here at my house. I had some guy that was trying to help, you know, kind of like, you know, you talked about, you know, helping these guys and giving service and blah, blah, blah. Well, they let him into my house and he stayed overnight and I woke up the next morning. There's fucking fuck up bottles everywhere. They got drunk. I was mine. I don't know what the, what am I going to do? He was like, you panic. So I, I was at that time, my first ever I was homeless for my first, I don't know, six months a year or whatever of recovery, staying on the couch of that super secret society club of anonymous people. I slept on the couch there. Thank you, Pat Johnson. You're passed on. I could see her name now. She lovely lady actually had put me up for six months in my early recovery on the, on the couch. Cause I was almost, um, but I don't know. I go to, you know, knock on Bill's door, you know? Cause he had the, he was the head, his bedroom. I had mining bill bell. What? Bill, listen, man, I got gotta, I got 12 step. It's a wet one. And inside I hear bill go
Speaker 2 00:19:26 Fucking alcoholics. I'm going to give the, the, the, the tradition cleansed version of this fucking alcoholics fucking recovery programs, fucking drugs, fucking 12 steps. God damn it. It comes out and he's laughing as he's coming hard. And he goes, he goes because everybody at that time called me, Mike, either Irish, Mike or Mikey, he was, Hey Mikey, look what I was just reading. When you banged on the door, there's a part in this super secret societies book that talks about, and I'm going to paraphrase here. It says there will be times we be called all sorts of hours of the time of day and night, which would be completely out of your comfort zone and completely uncomfortable for you and completely, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you will go and you'll do it anyway. He says, I was fucking reading that when you knocked on the goddamn door, I went, well, let's go. Then we help Steve out and get the guy out. And you know, the moral of this story is, is that I'm 90% sure. I've talked to Steven A. Long time. Steve's still sober. I'm still sober tall bill or she'll silver
Speaker 0 00:20:22 About the mean old bastard, old timer approach. God love those guys. It's that? It's that tough love that worked for you. Yes, it doesn't work for everybody.
Speaker 2 00:20:33 And, and I, and I agree with you. In fact, I understand that completely.
Speaker 0 00:20:36 How do you help someone that doesn't respond to that tough love. I'm talking about you. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:20:44 Oh me personally. Oh, well, okay. I am a little bit old on this one here. Yeah,
Speaker 0 00:20:48 Of course you are. I want to know how,
Speaker 2 00:20:50 Oh, I will tell him this. She, again, it's all about experiencing the hope. This is what worked for me. If you find that this isn't going to work for you, then by all means, feel free to go somewhere else. If you're looking for, you know, puppy, puppy, dogs and kisses, you're not going to get it from me if you want to give the symbol. True, true, brutal, honest truth. I'm your guy. And in fact, my wife who is also in recovery, we actually talk about this quite a bit because she is one of those people where she wouldn't have, she responded very well to the exact opposite of just nothing but love and encouragement and positive enforcements. And, and Hazel is a bunch of horse shit. I'm trying to, I say that it's sustained. I'll allow it. Okay, sustained. So that is something that worked for her.
Speaker 2 00:21:26 It could not, would not have worked for me. I know what did work for me. And then I'm the kind of person, right? Definitely didn't need that. I recognize that just like that super secret societies book tells us we don't have all the answers. And I take the in, even in my own recovery, I know what has worked well for me. I do know that the approach that I was given has worked very, very, very well for a large numbers of people. I'll try. And I'm trying to be as couching, as gentle as they can. If people are given a certain software approach, I know how I am. I'll manipulate that shit until I can get what I want, because that's how my brain works. And they need that very simple, very direct approach of this is we're not gonna talk about what you did wrong about what I did wrong, because that's what I was taught. You don't look at somebody else. You don't look at what they did. You look at what your, you clean up your side of the street and what that other person does with whatever it is you got going on is their gig. It's not yours. You clean up your side of the street because you cannot clean up their side.
Speaker 0 00:22:18 You said your wife is in recovery. What is helpful about having a partner, a wife in recovery? What's, what's important about that to you? What is, what's helping you with having a wife in recovery?
Speaker 2 00:22:31 The fact that we get to go, um, the fact that we're both in recovery and I was so by definition, living a spiritual program, a deeply open spiritual program where like it's not confined to religious dogma or any of the nonsense, but it's our own each unique individual understanding of how the creative works is. One works very, very, very, very well. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:22:51 What isn't helpful about having a wife in recovery?
Speaker 2 00:22:55 Are you listening to this? No, no, no, no. Go ahead. Go ahead honey. Say what you want. Uh, yeah, my mail lady. Ain't going to say that actually all kidding aside. Um, what's not helpful. I can't think of anything. I honestly can't think, you know, recovery, you know, I mean, I've got other very important aspects of my life. You know, I've got my career as a, as a nurse or as you know, my, my political work to Jim doing a lot of these days for so many obvious reasons are all very, very important to me. When you rewind back to it at the end of the day, the bottom mind, heart and soul, what is most more important to me than anything else in this world is my own personal recovery. Which means that by definition might, which is so much more than just being sober. It is continuing to develop and build and, uh, continue to establish that relationship with a power greater than myself. That's central to my life. The relationship
Speaker 0 00:23:46 With a power greater than yourself also manifests itself in the human beings around you. Yes. How do you wish to be supported by those around you that are not working a recovery program to the best of your knowledge?
Speaker 2 00:24:00 Well, actually Alisha mentioned that I talked about where I came from the whole criminal background, blah, blah, blah, blah. I am a nurse. I've been a nurse for God almost 25 years now, I think. Yeah. Almost 25 years. Yeah, just about 25 years. I've been a nurse now being a nurse, the nursing profession is it's built upon the strong firm foundations of raging codependency. A lot of nurses are raging. Co-dependence putting other people's needs above themselves. That's kind of the heart and flow of what nursing is. There is a lot of seedy issues within the medical professional and the nursing profession. A lot of it when I was in nursing school, no, of course I'm an alcoholic. I'm a drug addict. And I'm also coming from a very strong criminal background. Having said that I figured out how to divert narcotics. The second day of my being in the school, it's fucking easy.
Speaker 2 00:24:45 You want to go steal dope? It is so fucking easy. I'm not surprised. There's not more dope fiends in the, in the medical profession. There's a lot of fucking dope fiends out there. I'm Spicer's not more, it's so fucking easy. And it's not an indication of how bad the medical system is. It's just that it's the nature of the beast and the way that our brains work. How can you stop somebody from taking a syringe, taking it out of the morphine vile and filling that vial back up with sailing. How can you stop people from doing that? Why didn't you do that? Because I'm in recovery.
Speaker 0 00:25:12 You never had a crazy thought. It's like, Oh, I mean, one pill wouldn't hurt. No, no one would see it. No, never, never. Why do you think that is?
Speaker 2 00:25:24 Here's the simple, very direct answer. We have a daily reprieve dependent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
Speaker 0 00:25:29 How do you maintain that spiritual condition on a daily basis?
Speaker 2 00:25:32 Being honest to myself, to whom what I am. And so by definition, following and believing in and hoping and faith and trust that the creator of us all is indeed in charge of my life because I've given the creator permission to do that and follow the guidelines, which at the end of the day, light deep, deep, deep way, way, way down, deep past all the bullshit and set my own.
Speaker 0 00:25:55 You mentioned that spirituality, religious dogma, isn't included in this super secret society of anonymous people. So your spirituality is completely different from mine, from everybody else around you. If it's different from everybody else around you, I don't understand. How does that work? How does your spirituality benefit somebody that has a completely different conception, a completely different idea of what their spirituality is? How does your spirituality help other people? If they're conceived of two different things,
Speaker 2 00:26:29 Simple because I'm not giving away my understanding of the creator. I'm letting them develop their own understanding the creator. That's how this fucking thing works. That's the way you're supposed to share your experience, not your opinions. I am poor lack of a better word. I guess the nut that wouldn't be correct term, isn't it, isn't an agnostic. I'm actually like to think I'm more closer to the I'm in my own crazy IRS, Catholic loving the, the dogma and the, and the mysticism of the church and all that. Even with all the other crazy stuff, even taking all that off the table, or even making that a part of this conversation of my understanding of the creator is very close, very, very close to the Hebrew on stemming the creator, which is I have no fucking idea. Not only do I have no idea, it's fucking arrogant to me as a fucking human being to think that I have an insanely creator, that's kind of the heart and soul of who and what I am with my understanding. I have no idea what the creator is. How does this Sigma work? It works very well. Thank you very much
Speaker 0 00:27:20 Or spirituality beyond your spiritual life, beyond your seeking of this creator. There's also that emotional and mental element that comes along with it, that physical thing with being physically addicted and recovering from that addiction is a whole different animal. You mentioned earlier that you got some help recognizing your emotions doing some work on that, was that therapy or what was that? What was helpful about therapy for you?
Speaker 2 00:27:50 Oh my God. And having, um, well, as you had heard earlier, I had some traumatic experiences as a child and as an adult and as a, and as you know, growing up, I had some pretty, you know, again, I recognize now as being fairly traumatic experiences, um, not normal was actually diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, PTSD. That was incredibly helpful for that. Not only, um, not only am I recovering alcoholic and drug addict, I'm also are recovering alcoholic drug addict, co-dependent adult child of an alcoholic gambler, debtor and sex addict as well, as well as having post-traumatic stress disorder. I probably have a little add as well, but I'm fine with that. So makes me happy.
Speaker 0 00:28:31 What, where,
Speaker 2 00:28:33 What squirrel button? What?
Speaker 0 00:28:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That, what sort of skills were you acquiring from this therapy that you were receiving?
Speaker 2 00:28:41 The skills I've acquired from therapy helped me to number one, verbalize what happened to me growing up, say it out loud, recognized that it was real recognize also that it's not fucking okay. Is really fucked up. What happened to me as a child? You know what? I got a great, another story for you. Shall we go down that little road? Speaking of such things, one foot in front of the other baby. Okay. So now I'm, I'm, I'm clean and sober 34 coming up. We'll be 35 years in December 7th. If I take
Speaker 0 00:29:09 The other time, we had an argument in the parking lot
Speaker 2 00:29:12 Fucker and I was right. You fucker.
Speaker 0 00:29:15 I defense. Yes. The last, the last time, the last time you had to go with this last time, Irish, my had a recovery birthday. He was confused how long he had been sober. And he put the number of years, he had been sober on a cake that he bought that he put on the number of years that he thought he had been sober. Not only did he do that, he added a, and it was the wrong fucking number a year to how many years he thought he was sober. It really is 35 years. Now. That's why we had the argument. Yes, but it's not 35 years yet. I got 35 years until December 7th and data time. Anyway, your story.
Speaker 2 00:29:57 Yeah. Well, why the hell squirrels curl? When I was, you know, it was, this was shortly after I'd done my very first fourth step.
Speaker 0 00:30:05 I mean, what is this fourth step that you've mentioned a couple of times now?
Speaker 2 00:30:09 Yeah, basically is the fourth step is the concept behind it is, is taking a fearless moral inventory. Mine's was a fear-filled immoral inventory,
Speaker 0 00:30:20 But you know, never heard you say that. No, no, no. I never said that. No, I love it.
Speaker 2 00:30:25 It was absolutely God them terrified. Oh, let's do the lead up to that. So I was actually sitting there and I had, you know, just for the record folks, those of you who are out there listening and kind of thinking, people have talked about this fourth step and blame. None of it yet, nobody got, I can move a little, you know, the stuff, the committee that goes inside of our heads. I have been trying and trying and trying about it for about a year and a half to do a fourth step and never could get it. I just couldn't do it. I just, it just, just, wasn't not happening. And it wasn't. I was trying, and I'm doing, holding, nothing was coming out at about 15 months of sporadic. I was at that club of that secret, super secret society of anonymous folks. And I was sitting there by myself and I'm thinking to myself, you know what? I'm going to go down to, uh, the sporting goods store. I'm going to buy myself a shotgun. I'm going to blow my fucking hat off. I can't take this shit anymore. I cannot take my brain anymore. What
Speaker 0 00:31:08 Is it that you couldn't take? What was going on? The absolute
Speaker 2 00:31:10 Insanely going inside my brain. It was a fucking ping pong ball of confused thoughts going every which way, except the right way. And absolutely insane feelings about myself. And this is the inset you're about to hit your peak of in the insanity of who and what I was back then at one time. No, no. I told you it was a sex addict, right? Sex and love addict. I was also still trying to do this whole Christian thing. So, you know, I'm trying to do the Christian thing and be pure and all of that stuff, which doesn't work. It doesn't work for me. At one point, it said and said, the Bible, you know, talked about which dude was the dude that went up and went up to the mountain and was going to chop off his son's head. That would be Abraham. Abraham. Yes. The Abraham story I'm. So I'm doing the Abraham story inside my head. And
Speaker 0 00:31:49 Then Nick, he was going to kill Isaac. Isaac.
Speaker 2 00:31:51 Yes. Abraham was going to kill his son to prove to God that he was cause, you know, and then it's also said some of the Bible, if your eye causes you to offend the, then pluck it out. Well, since I had this thing called a penis that wanted to do things that was obviously pure and impure from God and blah, blah, blah. I was going to chop off my penis because I was a bad immoral person that kind of incentive was running around some of my brands and my heart and inside of whom I was, by the way, remember I said, how folks are don't don't kill yourself. Cause you don't even know who you are for the first few years of sobriety. This smarter one I'm talking about. I didn't even know who the hell I was back then. I'm still trying to figure this stuff out.
Speaker 2 00:32:24 So anyway, I was planning to, uh, do a Chuck, Don blow my head off. And instead I decided to try and do this. Four-step what good it's going to do it, right? Just like I shared with a certain individual, the way to do the fourth step is you sit down with the, that you're going to be turning your willingly life over to the care of your loving creator. As you understand that created to be. And then you get a piece of paper. You put the pen in your hand. This is what explained to me too, that little share gave with you as well. Let's give them to me. And that's how I explain it to everyone I work with and didn't work. I took the Panama paper up, took the Panama hand. I put the paper on the ground. I put the pen to the paper and I started fucking writing.
Speaker 2 00:33:03 What were you writing? Okay. So my first ever four-step was 73 pages long filled with all sorts of dark, deep, evil, vile things. Things about myself. I'd looked, say, miss off it looked and said, I remember it's focusing on every dark nook and cranny assignments off that's the book says to do. And so I did that. All this stuff came out and it was all rotten stuff. I had done rotten things. I had thought rotten things about me when things had thought about the world and I dug it all out and I dug it all out. I dug it out. I basically emotionally vomited all over this page, including by the way, um, some highly illegal things will include the stuff I told you about, which would make me go to prison for a long time at all, came out on a piece of paper.
Speaker 2 00:33:40 And so I looked at it, you know, being a criminal. So it was like a signed confession. So I signed it and I date and then I fucking lost it. And I was like, Oh my God. And half an well I'm like, no, no, no, you don't understand, bro. If the mountain view police department gets a hold of this, I'm never getting out of fucking prison ever. It might take them a while to read it. And I take them awhile to read it. The California secret society of anonymous folks talks about what the called the postage stamp stuff. And that means there's that instead of all that stuff, there's that one thing, that one little thing that you got the either said or did or done or thought or whatever, or what you haven't said to yourself, there's something that you are so deeply ashamed of that you don't just hide it from everybody else.
Speaker 2 00:34:23 You hide it from yourself. And they say that's the most fucking important thing to get out there and get out into the fucking open. And so I had that there and I know exactly what it is and I'm not going to tell anybody else who it was the only person who was as my sponsor. Ryan, maybe you and I will talk about someday, but that's a whole another conversation if we haven't, I don't think we talked about it. Yeah. I don't think we did actually. But anyway, I got the all out. The whole point of this story being is that, um, I got all this stuff out and, um, and it was out in the open and I got, and I found it again, thank God and did it with my sponsor at that time, Ryan and I was so deeply ashamed of everything I had written down on that, in that thing.
Speaker 2 00:34:56 And Ryan just said, okay, talk about the sixth and seventh step on your go. No, go on the eighth step. That was exactly what I did. And I started quoting this stuff and I go, the fuck. Is this man talking about fucking stock instead of a fucking store? What the fuck he was quoting from? The fucking big book is what he was doing. Great, great man. Shortly after that, I had all this stuff dug out was sort of like hold old stuff out there. Part of I told you that, you know how I grew up with, you know, the childhood and the violence and the whole violence at home violence outside in the streets. I am not mr. Fu, as you very well know, in fact, this whole sort of new age, new age, sort of new wavy, sorta like wavy gravy, crap, getting in touch with your inner child and you know, blah, blah, blah of life.
Speaker 2 00:35:36 I'm like what a of horse shit, what the fuck these people talking about after getting the fourth set done. When you get that garbage cleaned up out of your heart and saw this story, start to find out who the fuck you really are. That's the whole fucking point really in my own humble opinion, based upon my experience, after going through all that, and I wasn't looking for this, I was not looking for this. What I'm about to tell you guys, but as God is my witness, I found way the fuck down deep inside enemy, the child that I had been as a child and who have been so fucking badly injured and so badly scarred and so fucking lied to and so abused and not the way it's supposed to be really fucked up sort of stuff. And I realized that this child that who was me growing up had been lied to so completely so completely.
Speaker 2 00:36:19 Invitingly treated growing up that he didn't trust fucking anybody. No delts were to be trusted. And this has me meaning me as a child. When I came to that understanding very, very deep, right, deep moment, I realized this child had been lied to and couldn't trust anybody. And I said to this child who was me, I said, you know what? I'm going to prove to you that you can trust me. And I quit smoking. That's how I fucking quit smoking. That was my way to say to this little child who was me, I'm going to fucking take care of you cause nobody else ever fucking has. And that was that act of like quitting smoking, which is so fucking hard to do. But was my way of saying to this child, I'm going to take care of you cause nobody else ever fucking dead. I don't think I've ever told you that story. Have I? Yeah. Well, there you go. That's how I could smoke them. I would make an amends to my child
Speaker 0 00:37:06 After making this searching and fearless, moral inventory of yeah.
Speaker 2 00:37:12 Searching fearful. Immoral. Yes, yes. For you. For me,
Speaker 0 00:37:17 Sick Irish. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. After doing that, how were you able to move on from that writing down 73 pages of your shit, shit that new nobody else knew about. And all of a sudden it's out in the light of day, you've read it to another human being. You've admitted it to your creator. What was helpful about not only putting that out into the sunlight, what did that information? I know where you're going with this. Where am I going with that?
Speaker 2 00:37:48 I'll tell you where you're going with this because I think I may have told you this or taught this concept. So here's the thing we alcoholics because of the nature of who we are and because of the kind of lives we leave and kind of the shit we do with other people and hiding from other people and that blah, blah, blah, blah. This alcoholic has always fucking lied to everybody. I have always blamed everybody else for what was going on. It was always somebody else's fault. Perfect example, my, my God bless my mother. My mother was the world's greatest co-dependent in the world would always talk about how the cops wrote such bastards and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, because of the program, recovery of recovery and specifically the fourth step and then the fifth step for the first time in my fucking life, instead of blaming somebody else, the cops, the judges, the, the wife, uh, you know, the who, the boss, they, you know, whoever, what did I do to make this situation where we're at right now for step?
Speaker 2 00:38:34 And then the fifth step is the very first beginnings of that lifelong process of taking a look at your fucking behavior instead of blaming everybody off for where you're at. And that stands for, for me is that simple. It's the start of that process of looking inside yourself, looking at yourself and questioning yourself, your motives, your behaviors, you're doing this, you're doing that. What's okay. What's not okay. And part of this, part of the whole Saxon Novak's anonymous thing, two things that you do that are not okay. And then finding out, and this is where it gets really kind of tricky and fun and really very wonderful in many ways is finding out what is your bottom line behavior? What is acceptable to you? Not what is acceptable to the Catholic church, not what is acceptable to, you know, the, the crazy Christian folks, what is not acceptable to the swingers club is not as not acceptable to the rapist.
Speaker 2 00:39:22 No. What is behavior that is acceptable to you? What is it you're okay with within your own behavior, as a human being and how you treat other people and what is okay for you? What does it you can be happy with and content with and live with? Where's that fucking line that you just don't fucking cross. And that's what the program has given me the ability to understand where that line is, know where that line is and the joys of living within your own integrity and living within that line. It's a fucking beautiful thing. I like who I am. I often talk at, at, with my group of friends that, I mean on Friday, we all know the luck. We've all had different variations of luck. Point old, get the luck of either contempt, anger, or worst petty. Like when you're laying there covered in piss and puke, you get either disgust or looks of petty and you give them to yourself as well.
Speaker 2 00:40:06 Obviously, nowadays, I don't get looks of disgust or anger or petty. And more importantly, I don't give myself those lucks either. I like the spiritual being that I have become. Am I perfect? No, am I, this God-like figure who sits in the wind with a, with a, with a white robe, with a gold trim, with a jelly blowing through that spiritual girl. No, no, I'm not on these. I try to be, it's a nice goal. I also recognize that I am an I'm. I'm just an ordinary guy and I like this ordinary guy. I like him.
Speaker 0 00:40:37 That was just a beautiful answer. But that wasn't the question I was going to ask. The question I was going to ask is what's your favorite side was steak. Uh, but mashed potatoes. Good call. Yeah. Good call with butter and salt and pepper, salt and pepper. A little steak sauce. A little hot sauce. No, no, not for the steak. That was a great answer. But I thought I just wanted to know what you like with your steak. Hey Mike. Hey ho. Thank you so much for sharing your strength strong. So much help in there. Quite a bit of hope. So I'm going to stop you right there. We're going to take a little break. And when we come back, we are going to talk about my favorite four letter word. No, it's not. Fuck it is H O P E
Speaker 4 00:41:21 <inaudible>. Hope you very
Speaker 1 00:41:39 <inaudible>
Speaker 2 00:43:13 One last time to a fan. Eh, we are here with Irish, Mike hippy Diddley day. Hi. Hi. Hey Mike. Hi. Hey, let's talk about some hope. You want to talk about some hope. I hope we were going to talk about that. Oh, yay. So much hope. What is it that you do today to further and nourish your sobriety? You talked about these 12 step meetings. What are you doing outside of that to further into nourish this spirituality that you talk about? I gotta tell you Nick. I am so truly blessed in that, in that particular question, I am a nurse. Um, and just for the record, part of my story was that, um, when I was a child growing up that very, very poor neighborhood, yada yada, yada, um, I used to sit there as a 10 year old child in a little, in the middle of a war.
Speaker 2 00:44:02 And I would read medical textbooks books about, you know, fixing the human body. I was fascinated by I'm a smart little fucker. I mean, I know I've got a brain, right? Well, I was always fascinated with the idea of, of mending the human body. Of course, you know, I'm a Cali from Northern Ireland. Catholic snored learn are supposed to dig ditches. That's that's our lot in life. And for many years I didn't need dig ditches or a punch press operator. It was a bacon butcher for awhile, many, many years. I was a, uh, HOD care over the bricklayers, Oh, you know, menial construction jobs. And then I got to do a Milka and in America, um, I discovered that if I wanted to, I could go back to school and school. I was a fucking high school dropout. I could go to school, do whatever it is I wanted to be.
Speaker 2 00:44:41 I kinda knew that I w I was looking at it initially. And it was like, I was fascinated with medicine. I was fascinated with journalism and I was what's. The other one was three of them who remember the time, but medicine have been that fascinating. It was at the time. It really truly was, it was old law. That's it? Law. Yeah. I was fascinated with the area of law. I wonder why I fought the lawn, the law one, I would like look in those three basic areas, as well as looking at it. I always, you already had the predisposition towards, you know, Madison because of what I did as a child, took some college courses and did one of these little standard surveys for, you know, what would you, what, what would be the best for you to do as a career, the site test and all that shit, all that shit.
Speaker 2 00:45:17 Oddly enough had said, I'd be, I'd be good as a nurse. And I went, yeah. For one thing, if I hadn't been born at a different time, in a different class, if I was born mature and with all the, all the other stuff that we had talked about, I would probably be a doc. I'd probably be a Sergeant somewhere at that time. I'm like 30 something years old. I have a young family. I didn't feel it would be right for, to put my family through, through medical school because you know, all the stuff that goes with that. So I thought it would be a good compromise to become a nurse. Thank you, boss. Best fucking decision I ever made. My gut would have been a good doc. Yeah. I mean, it would, I would've been a good doc and I would have enjoyed it. I fucking love being a nurse.
Speaker 2 00:45:53 I absolutely loved being a nurse. The question you just asked is the answer. That's the fucking answer. It touches that part of my soul that I know was there in my nursing career. I know that I have helped other human beings who are going through horrifying traumatic experiences. And I've gotten them through the other side. I did many, many, many years, about 15 years, I think. Yeah. About 15 years I did primarily burn and trauma intensive care. Did that shift for a long, long time. I'm an old burn and trauma mama dealing with people who, who have been through those sorts of situations. And I've got the ability, you know, that ability to turn your mind off and just focus on the task. That's how you get shit done and how to do it quickly. And I've got a smart enough brain to be able to do that.
Speaker 0 00:46:34 You've done it multiple times together. You and I, I would like to quickly touch on an experience that we shared. We went on a 12 step call together. I believe it was my very first 12 step call. You said, Hey, we're going to go do this thing. And I couldn't say no, because that's what you told me to do. Don't say, no. We went and visited with a man. And on our 12 step call, we are supposed to share our experience, strength and hope. As it pertains to our recovery from alcoholism, we met with this man. He was extremely receptive. Not too long after he passed away from his alcoholism, he was too far gone. What do you say to the loved ones of that man, as someone that is still alive in recovery, yet this person didn't get it in time. Didn't want it.
Speaker 2 00:47:25 Yeah. W w you know, in answer that particular question and that particular mindset that you're talking about, well, let me ask you a question, Nick, when you're out there drinking, you know, whether you're drinking because you wanted to, or you didn't, or because, Oh, a little up, all that craziness that we haven't set our heads. How happy were you as a drunk at what period?
Speaker 0 00:47:43 Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 00:47:44 Well, the happy days, how fucking horrifyingly miserable and lonely is it as an alcoholic?
Speaker 0 00:47:48 Honestly, I could throw out some words, but yeah, there is no words in my total and complete honesty, no words.
Speaker 2 00:47:56 Yeah, exactly. Right. You can't exactly. That person had went through that pain. And now they're at peace. I have family members who have died from alcoholism. My brother, Pat brother, Pat, um, just couldn't get it. And Pat died basically from his alcoholism, um, homeless in the streets in Belfast. And you gotta be really shitty drunk to do that. Um, did I homeless in Ireland? And um, but he did, Pat is now with the boss. He's at peace. He doesn't have that horrifying, fucking insane fucking committee ripping our heart and our heads apart. He doesn't have that anymore. He's got peace
Speaker 0 00:48:30 Your past to say the least wasn't saying yes, your childhood absolutely insane. We're fine. Yeah. No, we're fine. It was great. It was great. We, we, sometimes, yeah, things blew up. It was fun. Yeah. It was like fireworks. Fireworks. Yeah. Big, big people. Fireworks. Going through all those things, seeing all the death and destruction around you, engaging in addiction, you're a sex and love addict. You're a debtor. I mean, all these things, there are so many people that blow their brains out. Like you were going to or die from their addiction or die from the firing squad, all these things. Why, why are you sitting here?
Speaker 2 00:49:06 I don't fucking know. I have asked that question so many times. Why is it that I was able to get it? Other people can't all the other shit. I have no goddamn idea. How are
Speaker 0 00:49:17 You seeking that answer? I can't,
Speaker 2 00:49:19 It's one of those, um, the answer to that question is one of those questions where it's like, okay, God, I just died. I got some fucking questions for you. And that's one of the fucking questions. Why is it that I was able to go and get this, this wonderful beyond beautiful gift called recovery, which is so, so, so much more than just stopping drinking, drinking. The drink is just the first step. No, they talked with the peeling of the onion, man. This thing is this thing, this onion thing, it just goes on forever and ever, and it goes on forever and ever. Why am I able to get that onion peeled and other people can't I don't fucking know. I don't know. So yeah. I got a question for you, God. Hey fucker. I got some word fear. I honestly, I don't know the answer to that. I wish I did. Or maybe I don't wish I did. Maybe I should just let go. Let God and let God figure that shit out.
Speaker 0 00:50:07 If you could go back in time and I'm not talking about inwardly or in your head, I'm saying literally go back in time to visit your younger self. That was going through all these traumas, all of this despair, all this hate, all this abuse. What would you want to say to that child? So many is going to take care of
Speaker 2 00:50:28 You kid. Don't worry about it. Someone's going to take care of you. And by the way, you know, that person is it's fucking you. Somebody is going to actually take care of you
Speaker 0 00:50:35 A second time, because I'm going to use that in my PSA. Gotcha, bitch.
Speaker 2 00:50:44 You fucking filthy bastard.
Speaker 0 00:50:47 I engage in psychological warfare. That's one of my
Speaker 2 00:50:51 Wasn't that good? It was a beautiful thing.
Speaker 0 00:50:52 I got a little rise out of you too. You're like <inaudible>
Speaker 2 00:50:56 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck you too. Fuck yourself, Mike,
Speaker 0 00:51:01 What do you want your legacy as a human being to be
Speaker 2 00:51:05 My own personal legacy or my message to the world,
Speaker 0 00:51:07 We'll start with your own personal legacy.
Speaker 2 00:51:11 Very, very, very proud Irishman. I'm proud of myself as an Irishman. I'm proud to be Irish. I also know that I am a good, decent human being. Now I am the person that I wanted to be when I was out there doing the craziness. I talked about my father and stuff. Oh, I am a good father. I know that. Do I make mistakes? Yeah, of course. But yeah, no, I'm, I'm a good father. I'm a good husband. I'm a good, solid member of, of, uh, my society. I am a damn good nurse. I'm proud of my profession. I'm proud of what I do. And I'm proud. I'm proud of my profession. I am so fucking proud of us nurses right now. I mean, this shit that we wouldn't deal with being an ICU nurse in this time and age of the age of COVID I watch.
Speaker 2 00:51:51 Oh, here's a great story for you. Actually my, my nurse manager, stop hitting the fucking table. Oh, shut the fuck up bitch. Sorry, Mike gap, right? Sorry. Yeah, no, you're not. So fuck yourself. So anyway, it was, it was in the early age of the whole COVID situation and um, and we, you know, it's, it was a terrifying. It still is. It's not as bad now, but it was a terrifying time to be a nurse because you knew that you're getting thrown into the pits. You knew that there was a very good chance that you might fucking die from this thing and that you got the skills he grew, the purchase can be. I actually made the joke of, you know, we nurses right now is kind of like, we're kinda like Marines on the front beaches and we're being told, okay, Marines. Now you were going up against an enemy that has, uh, mortars, fire bombs, bombs, uh, AR fifteens galore.
Speaker 2 00:52:33 They have a stupid dive bomber. They have, you know, tanks. They have all kinds of weaponry. No, here are your standard issue. Flip-flops and shorts go to battle. And that's what it really fucking felt like because you knew that you needed to go to battle because you're the only fucking cat to be able to do it. And I was so proud of, of my profession and of what we did when we said, yep, we'll we'll storm that fucking beach, no matter what we know, we don't got enough shit to do, but we know we gotta do this because this is what we do. We're nurses. And I'm so proud of my profession for, for how we react to this, my nurse manager. Perfect example of them talking about this in the very early days, the COVID my nurse magic up. Every nurse is scared of that.
Speaker 2 00:53:11 We're all, we're all talking about ourselves in the moment, God, and being an ICU nurse, I knew I was going to get deployed to the ICU. Never happened, but I was I'd volunteered. It was fully expect to go to the ICU total later, I couldn't because the package then started to fill up and we, they couldn't afford to let me go to the ICU. And the numbers went down. Thank you, Minnesota. Thank you governor, by the way, thank you Minnesota for actually doing the right goddamn thinking, keeping us nurses safe, but keeping your own ass to safe. So my nurse magic comes out to us in schools. We're all talking to us. How's my cologne nervous. And you know, Carrie, Carrie goes, um, I need to have a meeting with y'all. She calls us all together. He goes, Hey guys, look, I'm on. I want to say this to you guys.
Speaker 2 00:53:43 I get it. I know you guys are all scared. I get that. I get that. But I want you to change your thinking just a minute. And I want you to take over this from another perspective, your patients are coming out into the recovery room. They were going in to have surgery going to surgery at the best times is a fucking terrifying thing to do. But are now they're going in to have surgery done in a hospital where there is fucking COVID. And by the way, Oh, you know what? Your family, your loved ones, the one that you used to hold your fucking hand, because they're the ones that helped you through these tough times. They can't fucking be there. They're by themselves. They are fucking terrified. Please. I get you guys are scared. You got to sit down and put that shit aside because your patients need you right now. And that triggered a switch in my fucking head, right at that moment going, Holy shit. She's right. Again, it's the old program of program thing of get out of your own fucking mind, asshole. There's other people around you help those other people. That's what we nurses did. And that's what we nurses do. So I'm so proud of my profession. So there's part of the answer to your question. What do you want your
Speaker 0 00:54:43 Message to the world to be then Mike?
Speaker 2 00:54:47 I wonder
Speaker 0 00:54:47 How many fucks are going to be in this? Well,
Speaker 2 00:54:55 You don't have COVID do you know? I'm I'm COVID free. Thank God. You know, all kidding aside. It can be better. Let's fucking do this. It can all be better. Let's fucking do this and fuck the filth and fuck the filth.
Speaker 0 00:55:08 What's rule. Number 62. All about wow.
Speaker 2 00:55:12 Rule 62. Okay. Rule 62 is such a beautiful, beautiful role. Okay. The one way I heard to put it is don't take yourself so goddamn seriously is what the rule of 62 is. This is a very, very serious program we're doing here. This is a life and death program show for the love of Christ. Don't take yourself so seriously. That's rule 62. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:55:30 Spend 86 from bars, but he follows rules 68.
Speaker 2 00:55:35 I do follow a rule 62. Not quite, but it was close. It was close. Close. Nice job. Thanks.
Speaker 0 00:55:45 Thank you. Speaking of, thank you, Mike. Thank you for being on today's program. Thank you for getting vulnerable. Thank you for Jesus.
Speaker 2 00:55:53 I don't have any feelings. I don't have feelings.
Speaker 0 00:55:55 Fuck yourself. Thank you for being yourself. Thank you for being genuine. Thank you for being a nurse. Thank you for being you. That's the most important thing is you are just yourself and that's the most beauty,
Speaker 2 00:56:08 The full thing. And that is only because of the program. We're recovering is only because we're going to do all the steps. And like I said earlier, for those of you who are new or newer in this recovery process, don't fucking kill yourself. You don't know who the fuck you're killing. You are in all likelihood, killing a fucking beautiful human being filled with complexities. And by the way, for the record, while we're talking about such things we all know about the committee, right? The community where it's like, you got these fucking, I know how my committee works. I'm pretty sure it's how your all's committee works too. Well, you know what? I should do a Nope. If I do a, then let me, the beat is going to happen. Well, if I do B, then she's going to happen. No beads cause that no, that's gonna be bad though.
Speaker 2 00:56:42 If I do see if I do D D does that one go great. If you do a C, if I do this to be bad, if I do this to be bad, I would do that to be bad. If I do that, it'll be really bad. No matter what I do, I'm fucked. That's how my fucking committee works. A constant ping-ponging of voices inside my own fucking head telling me that all my opposites I've ever tried over will Troy is going to fucking fail. No matter what, everything I do is going to fucking fail. It's complete shit is going to go to shit no matter what and pink, pink, pink, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, multiple voices going on, all saying the same crazy sort of thoughts. All at the same time, trying to get you to make a decision. Folks. I can remember specifically.
Speaker 2 00:57:16 It was after it was a book, a few years of sobriety where I suddenly went. Holy fuck. And by the way, just for the record is after you do the steps, the fucking committee went away. The committee is fucking gone. That fucking insane. No, do I, does it come back? Of course the committee comes back and then I just kind of go shut the fuck. I'd say, Oh yeah, that's right. You're the committee. Shut the fuck up. I got the simple spiritual tools they could fall and the committee goes away again. The committee goes away and you get this fucking piece of mind. Actually. No, you get peace of heart and soul that you get from working in this program. So there take that
Speaker 0 00:57:50 Only responses, Mike. I love you. I love you too, bro. Thanks for being on. Thank you, sir. Thank you for letting me know. It's uh, I mean, you're welcome. Hey, I'm getting better at saying you're welcome. Good. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome. Fuck. I hate those. Those are the worst. It's been an honor to have you in the studio. Always a pleasure to see you.
Speaker 2 00:58:10 Totally. I'm so happy. And it's such an honor to be the cat who gets to share what was taught to me. Cause you get to share it with other people. That's how this thing works
Speaker 0 00:58:20 Every day. Yep. You saved my life, Mike.
Speaker 2 00:58:23 I didn't. I'm just a cat. Some there's somebody. I was a conduit.
Speaker 0 00:58:26 You're you're a conduit. I'm a condom about your conduit cat kind of a conduit kind of cat C squared,
Speaker 2 00:58:32 C squared with no seaward,
Speaker 0 00:58:35 No seaward. No, no, no, no. We're not. No,
Speaker 2 00:58:38 No, no, no, no, no. Let's talk about what the C word we have to tell a little story folks. So I am in nursing school. Okay. I have to do this. You can edit it, feel over this animal.
Speaker 5 00:58:48 And he already knows that. Do you want to, do you want to go on the soundboard here? I'll just fucking sit here.
Speaker 2 00:58:53 So I'm in nursing school, right? This is my first week at this nursing up. I'm from Northern Ireland and where I'm from a number of the Netherland in, in my particular part of the world, we used to see where all the time, no big deal. Grandmothers will say it to the grandchildren. That's how common it is. Really no big deal unlike over here. So I'm in nursing school. And my very first week of nursing program, the nursing instructors talking about cultural awareness is being aware of different cultures and different ways of looking at the world and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I kind of stick my head on. I'm just, I'm surrounded by this is in California and I'm me and about 30, pretty much all white middle-class women. And then there's me. I stick my head up my hand up and I go, yeah, I actually hear what you're saying there.
Speaker 2 00:59:30 Um, you know, misread chick because actually where I'm from again, I'm from Northern Ireland, blah, blah, blah, blah. We used to see where it all the time, no big deal off. Often, most often these male, the male it's completely different and sang of the world of the word. And I had these two delightful little girls next to me. There's two little princesses under heard one's heads. The other one, what's the C word folks. I came so close. I came so close, but I also know if I had of, I would never have become a nurse. I would have booted out right there. That's my C word story.
Speaker 0 01:00:00 Why you can't say it on the show? I know because then you can't be a nurse. That's the rule. That's the rule. I strip you of your nurse ship.
Speaker 2 01:00:07 My nurse, my nurse, you ship.
Speaker 0 01:00:10 All right. This is where I give you the opportunity to come close to my sign-off line. Nobody's ever going to beat it, but I'd like you to have your own sign offline. Mike, even though you've been talking for hours and hours and hours, I want you to say your sign offline. And then I'll say,
Speaker 2 01:00:28 This is talking about the, this is one of my favorite readings in the lower books. It's actually in the 12 and 12. And it talks about the first step.
Speaker 0 01:00:35 Why don't you just say the fucking line leading up, you have fucked up. Don't lead up to a line. You just say the line, say the fucking line.
Speaker 2 01:00:44 Many of us last Gaspers could not grasp this unpalatable truth of being powerless. But those of us who did grasp this program will own the fervor, which the drowning sees life preservers. And almost invariably, we stood up and got, well, that's the fucking hope of this program. That's the hope of recovery. If you want this thing, you can have it. You do not have to take another drink again. As long as you fucking live
Speaker 0 01:01:07 And always remember to be good to yourselves. It's important. Eh,
Speaker 1 01:01:12 It's always here on authentic and keeping authentic. We have to pay credit where credit is due. The musical stylings you heard on today's program to open the show. You always hear mama, mama, mama, mama, mad madness by muse at our first break, you heard I'm shipping up to Boston by Dropkick Murphys. And to take us off into the night sky is my dedication to one of my favorite people in the whole wide world, Irish Mike, with the song asshole by Dennis Leary folks, I'd like to sing a song about me about the way our American hearts, way down the bottom of our chest. About that special feeling we get in tacos, maybe below the Congress, maybe in the subchondral area, maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys, maybe even in the colon. We don't just do regular Joe with a regular job. <inaudible> I like football and porno and books about, I got an average house with a nice hard wood floor. My wife and my job, my kids and my car, my feet on my table and acute chest. It's someone else's expense in the ultra fast lane. <inaudible> public toilets. And I piss on the seat. I walk around in the summertime. <inaudible>.
