Speaker 0 00:00:00 Hey you. Yeah,
Speaker 1 00:00:01 You, if you or someone you know, is struggling with anything mentioned on today's program, please, please, please,
Speaker 0 00:00:10 Please, please, please
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[email protected]. That's a U T H E N I C K. The
[email protected]. I am available 24 7 365 to help in any way that I can. I have resources. I have open ears and open heart and tons of hope. I've been freely given all these things and would love to give them to you. Be good to yourselves and each other. Follow me on Twitter, using the handle at authen, Nick and my dog, Marla on Instagram at DJ Marla dot Jean. During today's program, you will hear a mentioned multiple times, the individual expressing their thoughts and opinions do not reflect AA or Alanon as a whole. Please enjoy the FCC. Won't let me be, or let me be meats. So let me see. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to all the artists, whose music I used in season one. So now you get
Speaker 0 00:01:16 To hear me
Speaker 1 00:01:17 Saying it's going to be real good.
Speaker 0 00:01:33 Bye Paul . I am a drug addict to eating disorder. we aim to bring all the stigma to hedges. You have experience Strang and cause this is .
Speaker 1 00:03:05 Yeah. This week is part two of Molly sings. Ah, Capella, like a Capella, like alcoholics anonymous. Okay. Hope you like it. You're about to hear Molly's strong words and Molly's yeah. So we're going to do welcome back. Welcome back. Well, that was kind of, yeah. All right. Sorry. I like to do that. It's just a good, nice fin. It's a clean very Billy idol. Thank you, Billy. He's a douche. He's a douche. You heard it here. First folks just saying Molly with three L's. I mean two ELLs. Uh, how, how are you doing? You ready to do some straight talker? Got my weights. Molly's smile.
Speaker 1 00:04:33 It was cute because he didn't want the arms and everything. Oh, Lord keeps me young. I feel young today. I feel young every day. That's because you are yes, relatively. Okay. At the end of the last segment we were talking about, we were talking about your last day using drugs and what that looked like, what that felt like you were hinting at some really nice strength stuff. And you talked a little bit about how you found this group of people, how you found people that were about the same age as you, that still liked to fucking rage. Still like to go see live music, which kind of blew my mind. If you were to tell me that when I first got sober, it's like, how in the hell do you go out to a concert where I used to get fucking ripped off a Molly and just get wasted, twisted beyond belief. How the hell do you do that? And stay sober. You do it with other sober people, but what do it, because if you're not going to have fun, when you get
Speaker 3 00:05:56 Sober, if you're not going to have fun and live life to the fullest, why the fuck are you getting sober? I could sit and be in a crowded room with all the shades closed as a junkie. I don't need to do that in sobriety anymore. I'm free. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I mean, and I picked up and went over to this fricking Soviet union in 1986 and fucking brought a cassette tape of Grace Jones, warm leatherette, and asked every one of those guys behind the, what are they called? DJs and said, we've got to put this on and go. I mean, we didn't speak any Russian. And so we're doing all the hands here, you know, put this to the whole dance floor cleared and Nora and I got out there to warm leatherette, man. We had fucking time of our life sober. Why would you not want to have fun? You finally got the monkey off your back. It's scary.
Speaker 3 00:06:48 Okay. I think scary is being in a room with a crack pipe or, well, I didn't have crack when I was around, but after freebasing for three days, not knowing where you are when you wake up, that's scary. We're brave people. I think we are really brave people. We've been through a lot to be able to turn around and go, okay, it's going to be awkward to be in a club without a, you know, scotch and soda or whatever the fuck I drank, but screw that. Let's get out on the dance floor and let's just let it lose. Let's live, let's live. And I mean that feeling of life and brightness and happiness was just, that was a drug in and of itself.
Speaker 1 00:07:26 Would you suggest that to someone that would be getting sober for the first time at your current age, someone that's not 18? I know quite a few people, men and women that I've, that I've worked with and mentored over my last three and a half plus years of sobriety that they have this immense sadness and this immense fear that they are not going to be able to drink or use drugs for the rest of their lives because they're 17, 18, 19 years old. And that seems like a really long time to not fucking drink and use however they have their youth and they can be reminded of that. It's like, well, if you've got another and you've got to have Oregon youth, I mean, it's like, you got plenty of years left ahead of ya. At least you got that to look forward to. What would you say to someone that has been using their entire lives? Basically? What would you say to someone who is just getting sober at around
Speaker 3 00:08:21 Your age? I think it's harder. I do think it's harder.
Speaker 1 00:08:24 What would you say to that person though? You say you got to have fun. You got to live life. Otherwise what's the point in being sober.
Speaker 3 00:08:32 First of all, you're going to hopefully go to AA meetings or any meetings or whatever meetings that you need for whatever the addiction is. And you're going to find a whole room full of like-minded people there that have experienced what you've experienced. And I'm not going to say every group is like that. I've been to groups. I tried to do an all women's group for fricking year out and where I live in the west suburbs. And I was like, hell to the no, after a year, I mean, I could not relate and identify to anyone. There was not one person there that even knew what punk rock was back in the day. So I'm like, okay, Brittany, was it for you? I'm out. So I had to just go try every different meaning I could until I found my tribe, right.
Speaker 1 00:09:14 It was a hit for you. Did you try any other means any other communities of sober people?
Speaker 3 00:09:21 cause that's all there really was an old way. Was there too. My mom was going to OA, which was awesome.
Speaker 1 00:09:28 You're exclusively finding these people in 12 step programs though. You weren't, you weren't exploring outside of that because well, and at the time you got sober, there probably wasn't smart recovery and there wasn't much else out there. However, the one thing that all these alternative to 12 step programs, these 12 step programs, the one thing that they all have in common is that there's a community. Yes. There is a group of people striving towards the same thing that you want to do or don't want,
Speaker 3 00:10:02 Right. And when you're 50 years old and you're getting clean, you're not necessarily going to want to go out to first avenue and dance all night, but you're going to find people in that group that maybe, you know, I'm not a Harley person, but maybe they ride Harleys, you know, and maybe they go on sober rides up and down, you know, the Wisconsin river road. And maybe you find somebody that's got your hobby or that is also interested in, in radio or whatever, you know, you'll, you're going to go back to your natural talents usually and your knee. I remember you Nick, when you first got, and you're like, I used to do standup. I don't know if I want to go back to standby. Really. I really craved the creative. You know, I want to do something creative and I watched that develop for three years with you of what did you want to do?
Speaker 3 00:10:43 How did you want to put forth your talent? And you ended up doing this and it was such a beautiful fit for you. It took a while, but you started to explore within the rooms of the 12 step programs. You started to meet people that were connected to people that were in those rooms. It might not necessarily have been in recovery, you know, but that had connections and you, and you proved yourself to be reliable human being. And before you know it, people are starting to put trust in you. And they're saying, Hey, this guy's a good guy. Why don't you trust him? Trust him in a frickin DJ booth or whatever the hell this is, what are we in? What is this?
Speaker 1 00:11:16 It's a full-on studio.
Speaker 3 00:11:17 Thank you studio.
Speaker 1 00:11:18 This ain't no, this isn't a fucking phone booth,
Speaker 3 00:11:23 You know, but I mean, people started to trust you because you know, and it's just, it's a beautiful flower that just starts to open. And very slowly,
Speaker 1 00:11:31 It does very slowly though, with people that got that Insta high, got that Insta escape, that drugs and alcohol pick your poison, right. Gives us, gives me that's instantaneous. This shit is fucking work.
Speaker 3 00:11:50 You got to work you, but you got to invest in yourself. And that's the thing, you know, we're so used to just beating ourselves up and thinking, okay, I'm the shit on the bottom of my shoe? Because all I did was drink all day or whatever, you know? I mean, you're so used to having such a low self esteem and such a bad sense of self, a low sense of self worth that when it, when you rip all the chemicals away and you're raw, first of all, you're starting to feel emotion for the first time. If you're just getting sober at 50, you are going back to that time. When you last felt emotion, which might've been when you were 12 and you're having to re learn how to feel, which is one of the scariest things for most recovering people is, oh my God, I've been escaping my feelings for this amount of time.
Speaker 3 00:12:31 And I don't know how to do it without it. But once you do it, it's such a cool thing because you look behind after like sobbing on the floor for three hours over your fish nine or whatever it is, and you'd look behind and you're like, I fucking survived that. Now I'm ready for the next challenge. And you start to take on the world like quote, unquote, normal people do feel emotions, feel sadness, feel pain, feel happiness, feel success, feel all these things that you are earning now with your sobriety, with it comes your self esteem and your self worth. And yeah, it's work, but it's beautiful work. I mean, and I think that's why they call it a spiritual program. It's like a spiritual work you're working on your soul that you've just spent the past X amount of years of your life trying to kill.
Speaker 3 00:13:16 And y'all, you're, you're getting to know yourself again and you're around people that you can trust that are striving to do the same damn thing and you can help each other. And oh, Hey, by the way, what if I get outside of my own fucking head and start doing something for somebody else? Oh, there's out there. There's people out there that need help. Maybe you'll get on a food line. Maybe you'll serve food at Thanksgiving, you know, for, for the homeless, maybe you'll, you know, just help somebody that needs to get to detox. Maybe you'll get outside of yourself and start to think about other people like normal people do. Right. And all of a sudden, you're just, you're just developing into the human being that you were always meant to be.
Speaker 1 00:13:52 Exactly. And not only that, not, not only are you developing, you're developing a lot faster than you would think. Absolutely. It's like, yeah, I do have to go for me. I had to go from 30 back to like 11. Right. But the beautiful thing is, is that if I put forth the work, if I engage in a community of like-minded people, if I give my life over to something that takes control, that isn't me. It happens pretty fucking quick. Yeah. It does how I get caught up.
Speaker 3 00:14:26 And we're taught the tools, like not on your timeline, bud, you know, it's like just trusting the process.
Speaker 1 00:14:32 Well, and what's the number one thing. The number one thing is just today and sometimes even smaller increments of that. How about the next hour? How about the next 10 minutes? How about the next 30 fucking seconds? Right? It's like, okay, well, 30 seconds is about like eight or nine, so, oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 00:14:55 We're not the most patient people on the planet. Well,
Speaker 1 00:14:57 Oh my gosh. I didn't drink for an entire minute. Just got through it. So if I can do one, I can probably do two. And if I can do two, I can probably do five. And if I can do five, I can probably do a whole fucking hour. Come on. Who are we kidding? I'm 30 years old. Right. And if you can do one hour, you can string together 24 before you know it, because all these other things take up your time eating, maybe taking a nap, talking to your mom on the phone, engaging in a fun conversation, work, you know, all these things. And all of a sudden it's just like, holy shit. I just made it through another day. Not drinking, not getting high, not engaging in my compulsive behavior. And that for me always has to end with gratitude. Yeah. Because if I think I did that all on my own, it's like, I made it through another 24 hours. Yes you did physically, but there's a whole lot more going on there. Then just breathing and existing for 24 hours
Speaker 3 00:15:58 Right on the head. And I did, I feel bad. I didn't stress enough, but the word community is so huge. I mean, I'm calling it a bunch of kids, you know, you know, dance at first avenue, but it was community that got me. And I, I didn't know what community was. I knew what a using community was, but those are people that are just using each other to get what they need. I didn't know what a really supportive like, dude, we want the best for you, dude. You're better than this. You know, you've got talent. Why aren't you using it? That kind of love unconditional love is just a really powerful thing. And it is community. And the beautiful thing about it is that no matter where I am in the world, I can go walk into a meeting in Glasgow, Scotland, listen to a bunch of drunks. Even though I consider myself the addict versus the, but it's, I'm an addict to everything, right? I'll go in, I'll sit and listen to their drunk logs. They accept me no matter who I am and where I'm from. And I will accept them no matter who they are and where they're from. And you don't
Speaker 1 00:16:57 Even have to be there physically, you can be there virtually
Speaker 3 00:17:00 Nowadays yet.
Speaker 1 00:17:01 Well, it's always been that way. It always has been that way. You could join virtually to some places, but now because of the epidemic that we've had on our plate for the last, oh God, it's been a while now it's been, I mean, we're coming up on a year. Pretty soon. We were we're zooming all the time. It doesn't matter if you're, you know, an addict in recovery or if you're using, you know, somebody that's an active addiction or just somebody that wants to talk to their fucking parents or do a job interview, whatever everything is virtual.
Speaker 3 00:17:34 I just joined a meeting down in Miami for just shits and giggles the other night. I'm like, Hey, let's do it. You know, it's so cool that we can do that now.
Speaker 1 00:17:42 So cool that we can go to these meetings. We can find these things. However, I don't hear too often on this program. What it's like when it's not good. How do you get through those times when it's not good? Because it's so awesome to talk to you because you get me re-energized you get me jazzed. I mean, we feed off each other's energy about, yes, we are sober. This is so much fucking fun. There's going to be so many great things going on, but they're also, life is also very lifelike and shitty things happen. And going through these periods of difficulty in sobriety and still maintaining that sobriety is one of the hardest things. It's almost as hard as getting sober in the fucking first place. What did your sober journey look like in the first year? As far as your attendance at these AA meetings you started going to like, where are you going to? What one every day, like a couple of week,
Speaker 3 00:18:41 I gotta be brutally honest here, please do
Speaker 1 00:18:43 Don't fucking lie on often.
Speaker 3 00:18:48 Okay. And this is where the, the real, the, I call them the big book. Thumpers are not going to like me. I'm not going
Speaker 1 00:18:54 To like you, you know, I don't like that. I just really like
Speaker 3 00:18:57 It. Okay. Well as a female, I'm sorry. But as a female reading this book written by all white males and they've actually got a chapter called to the wives. Okay. I was slightly turned off as a little, you know, budding feminist, so I didn't buy into it.
Speaker 1 00:19:12 Okay. Can I tell you something real quick? If you don't mind me interjecting as a white male
Speaker 3 00:19:19 Privileged,
Speaker 1 00:19:21 You said earlier, the book was written in 1930, something. It was written in 1937 and it was written by 100 white men. And the original title of the book was 100 men. Right? However, the first volume that was printed was not called that it was called the big book of alcoholics anonymous. And the reason it was actually called that was because of one woman named Dorothy, who proved to these 100 white men that she had recovered using the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous. Therefore the title of the book was changed to 100 men to alcoholics anonymous go Dorothy. Right? However, it was very, very, very expensive to change any of the fucking printing. And I know you roll your eyes, but it's true to change all those damn pronouns to switch that shit up would have been extremely expensive. Do I wish they had done it? Yes. There is a reason behind it there isn't it's not just extreme misogyny runway.
Speaker 3 00:20:27 I know it's 2020 though. Can we just get with it? I, you know, I get it. I do.
Speaker 1 00:20:31 We can, but there's a reason and I don't, I don't care to debate.
Speaker 3 00:20:36 It's like debating the Bible. I mean, it's like, okay. Yeah. Right.
Speaker 1 00:20:40 Fuck it. I'm sorry. But you go, I
Speaker 3 00:20:43 Think, you know, as a young female and you know, I was extremely turned off by that. And I think because of that, you know, I think we all go about this our own way. We really do. I mean, there's and I, when I speak, I really try to tell people that there's no right way to do this. You're going to have a lot of people that are gonna tell you, this is the only way to do it. And then you got to get a sponsor and they got to do this. They got, you got to have the plant and then you got that dog. And then you're here. I mean, they all told me that I did exactly the opposite of what they told me to do and you know what? I survived. Okay. There is a right way, quote unquote. And there's a suggested way to do things.
Speaker 3 00:21:16 But for me, the only thing I knew I needed to do was not pick up. And it took me five years to get that into my brain for the first five years of my sobriety. That's all I could do was the there's these 12 steps in the first step is that you admit that you're powerless and that your life has become unmanageable. I got it. I got it so deep in my core that I knew. And it was also really important for me not to think, oh my God, I'm 18. I can never use, I can use whenever the fuck I choose to. I've just chosen not to for 39 years, every single day, I choose not to pick up. And it left me feeling more free instead of, I can't, I can't, I can't, it was just, I'm going to choose not to it's
Speaker 1 00:22:03 39 years. What do you think were the most difficult years to be?
Speaker 3 00:22:08 Yeah. Oh, that's interesting question. I will say that the big emotional breakdowns that happen in normal life, you know, so a wedding, I called off a silver fiance, number two, that relapsed, you know, suddenly he's smoking crack. He never smoked crack in a life. He was 15 years sober from alcohol. Boom. You know, those really hard, hard moments where you really are on the floor sobbing going, oh my God, my life just got turned upside down. What happened? Those were tough. I'd been clean long enough to know that picking up a drug or a drink was not going to solve it for me, but maybe getting my ass to a therapist would be helpful. Recognizing the difference between depression and addiction. You know, I mean, just really realizing that addiction is not going to help you get through the normal, like you said, that the normal downs of life that happened to all of us, when somebody we're all gonna have somebody in our life that we love dearly die, whether it's a grandma or a pat or a parent or a sibling, we're all going to have to go through that.
Speaker 3 00:23:17 That's normal that's life. And I think that this program, this, these steps, no matter how you do them, and no matter what order I went from, step one to step 13 brother. I mean, that's all I knew. And when you say, how many meetings did you go to? I went to the means, wherever the cute boys were. That's what, that's what got me to the meeting. And I would say to my friends that I was sponsoring at the time, I don't for many, many reasons sponsor anymore because I'm a shitty sponsor, but I would tell them whatever gets you to the fucking rooms, go, just get your ass there. I don't care if it's a cute boy. I don't care if it's cause they have a puppy running around, just get to that meeting and you'll be okay, who was telling
Speaker 1 00:23:57 You that?
Speaker 3 00:23:58 Nobody, nobody, they were all telling me I was doing it wrong, which I probably was. You know, I was still shoplifting. You know, my first five years of sobriety, I didn't understand honesty. I didn't know what that was all about. I didn't care. All I knew is I wasn't going to pick up. And then after five years of starting to feel a little as Nora would say crispy, a little dry drunk Kish, what is
Speaker 1 00:24:21 That? A dry drunk?
Speaker 3 00:24:22 Well, a dry drunk is somebody that just abstains from their drug of choice and white knuckles that the whole way. So they're angry. They're pissed off. They're miserable. They're just as miserable, sober as they were well, dry as they were drunk. If you don't. And that took me five years to realize if you don't practice the rest of the steps, if you don't get like a spiritual program, if you don't start to really work on yourself, besides just abstaining life, isn't going to be great. You might as well pick up. So that's when I was like, okay, I'm really angry at me. I was on the steering committee for the uptown club and I was all these volunteer things. Or, and I was so fucking pissed off this one dude would come into the steering committee and he just pissed me off. He looked like, you know, he looked like a Kennedy.
Speaker 3 00:25:07 He had the car coat on, you know, nowadays I think he was pretty hot. But back then he had the car coat on, you know, and just like, you know, just super conservative. And I was like, what, why do I hate that guy? I hate every essence of him. And I found out through the program. I hated him because he reminded me of me. His personality reminded me of me and it took the program to get me to figure some of that stuff out. I got it a lot later than a lot of other people did. A lot of other people went right through the 12 steps and turned it all. You know, I didn't do it that way, but it still worked. And I think that's really important to tell people you don't necessarily have to do it one way. There's a lot of different ways to do it. As long as you don't pick up and eventually you will get it.
Speaker 1 00:25:52 You said that you don't sponsor women anymore. That is a huge part of this program that you're talking about. One of the number one things they talk about is the only way this thing works is with one addict, helping another addict, go through this program of alcoholics anonymous or whatever 12 step program. So if you aren't sponsoring someone and literally taking them through the 12 steps as they are laid out in the first 164 pages of the book, what are you doing to help other people?
Speaker 3 00:26:23 I do a lot of volunteer work. There's one specific jail that I go to on a monthly basis. And it's not COVID, but I've been doing it for like seven years where I bring an AA or an AA meeting to the women at the jail. I want to quit every time right before I go. And then every time I'm up there and they go, oh my God, we haven't seen anybody other than the Bible lady, since you were last. And I go, oh my God, I got to keep coming back. And then I leave. And I'm like, so grateful I was there because those women teach me about gratitude. I mean, just the fact that I can walk out and breathe fresh air, you know, just the fact that I can get in a car and drive away from that horrible place. You know, it's just, it's so powerful. So anyway, I do that. I go down to Detroit.
Speaker 1 00:27:02 I'm sorry to interrupt. I would like for you, if, if you would like to send a personal message to those women that you haven't been able to see face to face, what would you say to them right now? And I'll turn around and you can go ahead and just speak to them.
Speaker 3 00:27:17 I would say, I miss you all. Even though it's a hell of a drive, I miss you all. And I know that this has gotta be one of the hardest times for you guys to get through this, just to be able to be sober and to look forward to life outside of being locked up without anybody there supporting you other than telling you to pray and praying is great. For some people, I know people need that support and they need somebody that's been there and that can show them what life is like outside being clean. You can do it. It's just harder without all the support. So I hope you've got the supplies. I hope people keep giving in their, you know, their pink canned plans and, you know, go around the, the AA rooms and the any rooms where you put extra money in a can that buys big books for people that are incarcerated. I mean, I hope they've got the supplies. They never do it. This jail that I'm at, I always have to bring them. I just pray that, that you guys get out and you really stay clean because that's, for those of you that know that your addicts and alcoholics, that's the only thing that's going to work and keep you out of those bars.
Speaker 1 00:28:20 Well, not only when they get out, but it's just as easy to use on the inside, in an institution as it is on the outside. Yeah.
Speaker 3 00:28:29 Yeah. But the number one thing I hear the women say, when I go up is Molly. I'm so into this I'm so I've been here for six months. I've been sober for six months. I haven't done anything and all, I just want to do one more time when I get out and then I'm really in, then I'm done.
Speaker 1 00:28:44 And it's just one more time. Yes. Once they get out. Yes.
Speaker 3 00:28:47 And these are women that have had children taken away from them. These are women that have been in a drunken car accident has killed somebody. I mean, they know, they know that they need to stop. And it's so hard to hear that. And you really, I mean, they are in it. They're like, I am sober, man. I've been sober six months. I'm fucking done just one more time.
Speaker 1 00:29:07 So if it's not a knowing problem, what kind of problem is it?
Speaker 3 00:29:15 Spiritual problem. It's a fucking it's, it's not having, it's also not having the support around them to stay sober because instead of when they walk out of that jail, instead of getting their ass to a 12 step meeting, they go back to the addicts and alcoholics that they know and the fucked up family systems that they might know again, it's that choice. It's that common sense? You've been doing this road. Are you going to keep doing it because you're going to get the same damn result or are you going to try a different way, really try a different way. So yeah, I do the prison stuff and then I do, I do detoxes. I like to bring meetings to detoxes and uh, that's my 12 step work. That's my way of giving back. I'm very, I will be honest. I am very impatient. You know, I got to the point and I was young.
Speaker 3 00:29:57 And so the women are sponsoring we're young, but it was all drama. You know, women, I'm sorry. At that age, I was surrounded. I don't know. Maybe it was just people I was hanging out with, but my God, the drama these women had and they would call it two in the morning. And I finally got to the point where I'm like, you're not calling me before 9:00 AM and you're not calling me after 9:00 PM. And I don't give a shit what your problem is, but you're not doing it because I need my sleep and I have to go to work the next day. That's just not probably a really good sponsor. I mean, usually good sponsors like, Hey man, call me anytime of the day or night I'm here for you. And I couldn't be that person. I was tired. I was going for my graduate degree and I was working full time. And I had these women call me in these self-made crisises. Oh, some boyfriend, you know, I was like, oh no, I cannot do this. So that's when I realized my limitations, you know, I just, that's not my strength, but my strength is being able to give back in a different way.
Speaker 1 00:30:47 I would actually like to challenge that and say, that is a strength for you to know your boundaries, right? And there are so many people that are sober or that don't even have a problem with substances or compulsive behavior that do not have the capability of setting boundaries for themselves and for other people, what they are willing and not willing to do
Speaker 3 00:31:10 So true. And you know how I found that out? Alanon I got my ass to Ellen because after five or seven years or whatever of hanging out with all a bunch of recovering alcoholics and addicts, I started to feel a little Cray Cray every once in a while, especially, you know, when my best friend is also in recovery, I realized my God, I'm surrounded by other addicts and alcoholics. And what do people do when they're surrounded by all those people? Well, they usually go on and on and I'm like, damn, I'm going. You know? And I went to Alanon and they taught me how to have a boundary and how to recognize when I was giving too much where it wasn't helpful for me, it was making me sicker. You know, it was not, it was like, I felt like my soul was being sucked out.
Speaker 3 00:31:54 It was just like, all my energy was being pulled out in all these different directions. And that's when I stopped the steering committees. And I just realized like, Hey, right now, school and work were priority and staying sober. The things that I needed to stay sober was to get my ass to a meeting and to keep my community. But the rest of it, you know, Hey, yeah, I'll show up and I'll feed on the, on the homeless, you know, food line or I'll do this, but I couldn't, I didn't have it within me to commit to all these different people and supporting all these different people, but I could do it in a different way. Thank God for Alanon because it really taught me what a healthy boundary is. Because a lot of times we don't know that when we're coming out of real addictive backgrounds
Speaker 1 00:32:31 And the nice thing is I, uh, I don't like to toot my own horn, but I think I figured it out in saying, if you are still living and breathing on this earth, you, yes, you are in recovery from something. And that's really what this show is all about is finding that common ground where maybe you're not an alcoholic. Maybe you're not a drug addict, but something, I hope that you, or I say hits you in a way. That's just like, that's it, there's that one situation that I couldn't figure out, or there's that one person that I wanted to help, but I didn't know how to help. It's this community. It's the spirituality. It's all encompassing. Yeah. And it's never just one thing like drugs, it's never just one thing like food gambling,
Speaker 3 00:33:20 The sex doesn't matter. Shopping absolutely trauma. Absolutely. And we, you know, the community has taught me, I don't sit down and call anyone. My sponsor I've had sponsors and they really did help me in my sobriety and getting through the steps and all that kind of good stuff. But I have friends in this program that I consider mentors, people that will give it to me real. I will do the same to them, but if I call them a sponsor at this point, it would really change the dynamics of that relationship. So I just have these people that are now part of my community that I really rely on. And I really trust. It's just such a beautiful thing. It's just, it's become just a lifestyle choice. Like being vegan might be, you know, for somebody or it's just a lifestyle choice. It's no longer this big deal, this big, oh my God, I can't be around alcohol. It's just, dude, you want to pick up, you want to use, I'm cool. I'm over here. I'm fine. You know, do what you got, you do you, but I'm really clear on what my path is.
Speaker 1 00:34:24 And somebody that's an active addiction that loses the power in choice to be empowered in their recovery, to have the power of choice, to make a choice consistently. And that's all commitment is so scary commitment. I don't want to be committed on. It's just a choice that I make consistently. Right.
Speaker 3 00:34:46 And I think that's part of why. I mean, I'm just speaking out of turn here, but I think that's part of what the whole sponsorship thing is. Especially when you first entered the program, your sponsorship is almost making, you have an immediate community. It's beginning your community. And a lot of times you'll go through quite a few different sponsors because your life changes, the circumstance changes, right. And that person was there in your life to help you with this. And then you find somebody else that you relate and identify to and go, I want what that person has. And then you get to be sponsored that theirs. And then in meantime, Hey, check it out. All of a sudden, all their friends are your friends and Rudy's in, you got a community. It's just a really cool thing. And I think that's a big part of why they say you have to sit down with somebody and do this 12 says, and you do, everybody has to, at some point, once you have that community and it's a solid community for you, you got a room full of sponsors. Anybody needs to sit down with me and do that. I'll do it. But I'll say, I'll be your friend. I won't be a sponsor, but I'll be your friend. I will fricking be your champion. Yeah. It's a very cool thing. But it's, it's also, for me, it's something that I had to figure out my own way. And I think a lot of us do, you know, I don't think any one of us are real big rule followers. When we first come in
Speaker 1 00:36:00 In your 39 years of sobriety, do you ever look back and kind of look at it in eras? So you were talking about like your first five years of sobriety and that was kind of lumped into one. That was just a very common theme there. And then something changed and it flowed in a different direction. Do you have like different areas of your 39 years of sobriety or does it kind of all
Speaker 3 00:36:23 Just, yeah, after that first five years after I finally figured out I needed to do something other than the first and the 13 step. Oh. And then the 12th, you know? Cause I knew everything. Um, I finally really started to do some work and I started to go, oh, that second step is cool. Wow. That there's, oh, I love that 10 step. I love the 11th. You know, then everything just became life. It just became life. It was no longer really a struggle. You know, it was something that I could rely on and go back to if I needed support, if I needed to just listen, if I needed to just get grateful again. But no, it just became life. And uh, there's no real phases to it anymore. It's just kind of my life, which is super cool.
Speaker 1 00:37:06 All right. We're going to take a little break. Right? Ready? Break. Give me a break. Give me a break. Break me off a piece of that. We will be right back after Molly's second musical selection and we will be coming up with some, oh, you go low. I'll go high. And then we'll switch.
Speaker 3 00:37:31 Oh,
Speaker 1 00:38:39 Sibilance. What does that mean? I don't remember. Tom. Tom Hanks said it in the SNL Wayne's world sketch. When he was playing the roadie. He's like check truck one, two sibilance.
Speaker 3 00:38:53 That's awesome.
Speaker 1 00:38:54 Oh, you're awesome. You're awesome. Let's have an awesome off. It's awesome that you think I'm awesome. Did
Speaker 3 00:39:03 You see Jack White? I'm sorry. I lie.
Speaker 1 00:39:06 I don't watch television. I missed out. I don't read any books except for the big book. Holy do is read recovery literature, but that's how I stay sober. That's a piece of how I stay sober. I find it fascinating. That's how I found out about Dorothy. See, I gave you a little nugget. We all knew about Dorothy. Sorry. Not everybody Marla didn't know. Did you Marla? Nope. She said no. Marlissa K9. Yeah. She's a bitch. Anyway. All right. Should we let's let's let's let's yeah. Let's trade though. Back and forth. Okay. You ready? Welcome. Um, welcome. Welcome.
Speaker 3 00:39:51 I can't go
Speaker 1 00:39:52 Higher. You can't go higher than that. that was a good one, right? It was terrifying. I felt my face do something. Excersice Jim carry a Sherry. Oh, that's who I wanted to be. When I, when I was a little kid, they ask you, you know, when you do that thing in like first grade where they're like, right. What you want to be when you grow up and why? Uh, you know, president or lawyer, doctor veterinarian or race car driver. I wanted to be Jim Carey. That is why literally, literally,
Speaker 3 00:40:31 What was it? The movie where he's all green paste. Is that the one that got you?
Speaker 1 00:40:34 Oh my gosh. You are so on point. It was the mask. He was, yeah, that was pretty. And that was Cameron Diaz's film debut. I believe don't quote me on that, but you sure. And I was just enamored with her. I was just like Tshwane yada, yada, yada. She's a bed.
Speaker 3 00:40:54 Hey Justin Timberlake. You know, I'm telling ya,
Speaker 1 00:40:59 My goodness. He just keeps getting better. Looking
Speaker 3 00:41:02 Superficial. Fuck. Anyway. So
Speaker 1 00:41:05 You know him, you don't even know him. How do you even know? He just,
Speaker 3 00:41:09 He traded up for a model. That's all I
Speaker 1 00:41:11 Know. Yeah. Well, speaking of trading up here, we are in the hope section program, which has also writ portion segment of the show. Molly. Let's talk some. Oh, what gives you hope? What gives you hope in? Oh, let's go super broad and super existential. What gives you hope in humanity? What gives you hope in the human race? Oh,
Speaker 3 00:41:40 Such timing, Nick.
Speaker 1 00:41:42 I know God.
Speaker 3 00:41:45 And for the record
Speaker 1 00:41:46 You just sounded like my sponsor, Michael, for the record, for the record,
Speaker 3 00:41:51 For the record, we still have a president that is not accepting and election. So great timing. I do have hope that good will always outweigh evil. I do have hope that well, that there's always hope that people can always pick a different path, a healthier path. I have hoped that there is goodness in the world and people that want to do good things. I didn't see that when I was using, I saw a lot of darkness. You see a lot of junkies and hookers and you know, it just, I just saw it. I think I've been telling you, this is just a little side joke. It's not even funny, but so remember I told you was way in the performing arts, right? And so like I was, I dunno, from like age six to 18 ballet, right. Hardcore ballet. And I'm dating the, the 27 year old and I'm 16 and I'm, you know, he's got these people over that are, you know, sampling the Coke and doing whatever they do in this, in this gal is saying, you know, she's talking to me and I'm bonding with the gal and I'm like, oh, well, what do you do?
Speaker 3 00:42:51 And she says, well, I'm a dancer. And I'm like, oh, I'm a dancer too. Oh, what kind of dance do you do? And she's like, um, like on a pole, I was so shell shocked. I was 16 and I'd only known like classical dance. I didn't even know that you called a stripper, a dancer. I was like, what the fuck is happening in art? Oh my God. So I was surrounded by so much darkness then that that little innocent light in me was going out really fast and furious. Now that I'm no longer surrounded by thieves. And you know, just, just, I was in Tom waits world. Okay. I mean, it was blue Valentine for me. It was just a really dark time. And, and now that I'm out of it, I see all the positives, but I did not see that when I was first for sober when I was before I went and got to be sober. So yeah. I have hope sometimes more than others asked me a week ago, I would not have been so hopeful, but I'm a political science and Russian major. So there's
Speaker 1 00:43:58 That. But you always have
Speaker 3 00:44:00 Hope. I always have hope.
Speaker 1 00:44:03 And what do you think is the reason behind that? If you could pick one reason behind your perpetual hope, what would that be?
Speaker 3 00:44:12 Because it's been proven to me in my life, how by my recovery and by the people around me who have been able to recover out of really, really dark circumstances. So I guess you could say it's somewhat of a spiritual thing. It's just knowing that there's something out there that's greater than me that, you know, and I don't, I don't know what it is. I don't know what I don't label it, but I do know that there's whether it's my father, who's diseased up in heaven watching over me or my guy, you know, I pray to those people and I, I thank them and you know, I know they're watching over me. I believe they're watching over me. I believe that spirits take care of, of us. Yeah. I just, I don't know. It's kind of a spiritual thing, I guess that I never really believed in before,
Speaker 1 00:44:53 If you can't necessarily label it and other than saying spirituality, well then what does it feel like?
Speaker 3 00:45:00 It feels light. It feels lighter. It feels like when you take a big deep breath and you feel your lungs
Speaker 1 00:45:06 Kind of like when you were getting high for the first time. Oh, sure. Yeah. Would that be fair to liken it to that?
Speaker 3 00:45:13 Yeah, but no, cause it's not dark. I mean, that was dark. You know, this is light. This is like inhaling lightness. And like I said, feeding
Speaker 1 00:45:21 Your soul, same feeling, but it's not killing you.
Speaker 3 00:45:24 Yes. It's not killing you. It's getting you really grateful for simple things in life. It's that gratitude that, that my recovery has taught me, that those rooms taught me was so important to get a hold of. And I didn't know what they were talking about when I first started, you know, what do I have to be grateful for? I walked away from a full career and this and that, and I did this and I did, you know, why do I have to be grateful through going back and realizing, you know, they kept telling me what a simple program it is and I didn't understand. And it, now I get it. I was so grateful to walk outside and breathe fresh air. I am so grateful that I have the freedom to walk my dog and do it barefoot. If I want through the grass. I mean, I can go anywhere I want in this world.
Speaker 3 00:46:08 If I so choose, I have all these options open to me, but they're very simple to when I say whatever it is, the 10th step 11. I still don't know if they're nine years. But when I do my gratitude sayings at the end of the night, like thank you for letting me have a roof over my head, having a car that works, my pets being healthy. And my mom's still being healthy. Thank you for those basic things that I have a job gratitude, really simple shit. It used to be when I was first going, I mean, why am I in this room with a bunch of stinky old white men? I should be on P Diddy's YAT right now. I am so special. I'm such a thing. What the hell am I doing with these losers? You know, I came in with that attitude. What the fuck? You know? And that was, of course when I was a little crispy, you know, it was a little dry and it took me a long time to realize I that's special. I'm just as special as the guy sitting next to me, the homeless guy sitting next to me that may not have taken a bath in a week. And he's got some shit to teach me about humility. Sorry, went off on him.
Speaker 1 00:47:07 You're fine. I would actually like to switch gears. So that was a perfect time to digress. We talked about breaking stigma or at least I spoke about breaking stigma. And that's part of what we do on this show as just a by-product that just comes out. I'm wanting to know specifically what you do to break stigma for the people share the same human qualities that you have as an addict. How do you normalize that to the normal population? Because only, I mean, just throwing a very rough figure out there that I've heard a few times, approximately 10% of the population are addicts, right? So that leaves 90% of the rest of the world that doesn't think act or do
Speaker 3 00:47:55 That's a tough one. I love the movements that have come about within the past five, 10 years of the buttons that you can wear that say, this is what recovery looks like. I try to do that kind of stuff when I'm out, because I want people to ask, you know, what does that mean? You know, what are you recovering from? That's why I speak, you know, I go out and tell my story because I wanted to stigmatize it. This is what recovery looks like. I think it is really tough though. I mean, I'm always surprised when I run into somebody that is my age range and does not have a clue why I wouldn't drink. Like it is so foreign to them. I mean, their life is so surrounded by people that drank as a regular part of life. That for me, not drinking is actually threatening to them. That happens to me still on a daily basis. Would
Speaker 1 00:48:42 You make that less threatening then?
Speaker 3 00:48:44 Well, they would have to be open to hearing about it.
Speaker 1 00:48:47 Okay. Let's say they're open even just the doors. Correct?
Speaker 3 00:48:52 I would say this is my choice. This is my life. And it was w it's what works for me. It doesn't mean it has to do anything with you. It's not like a religious movement where I'm going to say, you know, you must come and join brother,
Speaker 1 00:49:05 But I don't get it. Why can't you just have one drink or just having a bottle of wine between us friends? Why can't you have just one drink? Well then why don't you
Speaker 3 00:49:17 'cause I don't want to number one. And because number two, if you understood anything about addiction, you would understand my addiction is out in the parking lot, doing pushups.
Speaker 1 00:49:27 I'm asking you to explain that to me though, because I don't understand. I don't understand anything about addiction. I don't understand why you can't just have one drink. I understand that you're choosing not to. I got it. You've said that, but why can't you just have one drink?
Speaker 3 00:49:44 Can I can,
Speaker 1 00:49:49 But what happens if you do,
Speaker 3 00:49:51 If I do. Um,
Speaker 1 00:49:53 Why are you choosing not to, I guess is the better way to ask that
Speaker 3 00:49:56 I'm throwing away. I've worked really hard for my 39 years of sobriety and I'm very, and that's been one day at a time and I've built an entire community that surrounds me and supports me. I've worked really hard to get where I am in my life. If I did not remain sober, I would not have a master's degree. I would not have been able to travel the world. I would not have a home. I wouldn't, I would not have been able to accomplish what I've accomplished in my life because addiction stops anything related to success. For me, it's really important that I stay on the path moving forward and not going backwards. And that threat is represented by that glass of wine. It's something that small that can start that process downward all over again. And I just choose not to because it's the right thing for me.
Speaker 3 00:50:47 You know, frankly, I would say, you know, if you're 50 years old and you haven't fucking loan, anybody that's ever needed to be in recovery, then you're living under a rock buddy. But I would also, you know, question why it's so important for them, for me to drink most people that are normal drinkers, like not problem drinkers, don't have a problem with you not drinking. It's the people that have problems that I've noticed are very threatened by me, not drinking. It's amazing. I mean, you will see people come up to you and really come at you like, like that. Why aren't you drinking? What's the problem? Why aren't you drinking? You know, I'm sorry. Why is this so important?
Speaker 1 00:51:24 Yeah. Molly, are you trying to tell me that I have a drinking problem? Because I do I'm you got me. Oh yeah. That's why,
Speaker 3 00:51:34 Hey, try online dating when you're sober. Right. You put in there that you don't drink, you don't smoke, you don't do drugs. And it's so amazing. People will like, literally like, Hey, I really like you, but I like to have a drink. So have one, right? Like, what's the problem? Oh, no, I can't be with somebody that doesn't drink. Like, okay, there's a room waiting for you. But
Speaker 1 00:51:59 So I've never done the online dating thing. And I'm actually w I, I told you that earlier. I, that's not how I met my, my current love. And I've never, I've never done the online dating thing. It's just not for me. You want to know why that is? It's really not. Self-righteous mug little fuck. It's not. Well, yeah, it's masked by that because that, that's my defense mechanism. That's my no, I'm number one. I'm fucking afraid of rejection. And that would kill myself.
Speaker 3 00:52:30 Confidence. You have to be tough.
Speaker 1 00:52:32 If the one person that I was just like, oh my God, she's gorgeous. She loves all the things I love. And she won't fucking message me. Yep. There's that? And I am also, I mean, I haven't said it out loud or identified as one, but I'm a borderline sex and love addict. So
Speaker 3 00:52:49 I would be, you know, you'd be on that thing nonstop.
Speaker 1 00:52:52 Right. And I would show up in a way in romantic intimate relationships. That's the way I used to show up back when I was bartending. Wow. You know? Yeah, go ahead. You can fill in the rest of the story. I'll spare you the details. Yeah. That is putting me closer to my next drink. That's what it's going to do. Wow. I can look at just about everything in those terms. It's like, is this decision, is this act, is this word, is this deed? Is this putting me closer to my next drink? Or is this putting me closer to my higher power? My creator, my true essence. Good
Speaker 3 00:53:35 You for admitting that neck. That's really big. That's really huge. Thank you for saying that. Oh yeah. That's really, uh, that's very insightful. Cool.
Speaker 3 00:53:48 Yeah. No, I think people that, first of all, I think people that get sober later in life, I think it is harder and I will be, I would go right out there and say good on you, man, because you've spent so much of your life using and now you have to learn a whole new way versus, I mean, I think I had it easy. You know, I was still young and impressionable. It was easier. I think in many ways for me to switch that lifestyle now at my age, being interested in people from all realms of life and just, you know, wanting you to span it is really interesting that you see folks at my age range that have no concept of addiction or they choose not to, you know, and they choose to label you as basically born again or something. You know, I just, whatever name, your area of expertise. It's really interesting that how few people have been exposed to mental health and, you know, substance abuse disorder and you know, just all that stuff. So yeah, it can be a challenge. And there are days where I just like, you know what, it's me and Netflix, and I'm good with that. You know, just like, I don't want to ask,
Speaker 1 00:54:49 Did you know that Ben and Jerry's has a flavor of ice cream called Netflix and chill? Yeah. That's very cool. Another addiction of mine is ice cream. And did I mention that I've been eating disorder? Yeah. That's, that's a big one.
Speaker 3 00:55:05 I'm really glad I didn't get into Ben and Jerry's cause it sounds really good.
Speaker 1 00:55:10 It's really good. And it's really expensive and it makes me hate myself. Okay. That's enough. Self-deprecation Molly. I think it goes without saying, and please stop me at any time. If you disagree, you would not be alive today. If you hadn't found this new life in sobriety, I would agree. What age do you think you would have made it to? I probably
Speaker 3 00:55:31 Would've made it to like 27 or 30, I think
Speaker 1 00:55:35 Seems to be the sweet spot right around there. The late twenties for folks that are alcoholics and addicts of your variety. It's not going to be a lifetime thing. And by lifetime, I mean like 50, 60, 70, 80 years of this shit. No,
Speaker 3 00:55:52 Because you give us Giddings is such high risk taking behavior when you're engaging in drugs and alcohol. Right. And I think, you know, for me, with my love of speed, meaning miles per hour speed. I just would have, you know, I would have killed somebody in a car. I would have probably killed myself. I would it's just, or a motorcycle. I just would've, I would've done stupid things. I mean, I did stupid things in sobriety that were, that challenged my ability to remain living. So I can't imagine what the drugs and alcohol would have done and you go deeper and harder. Right? So with the drugs, I mean, if, if it took four years to go from smoking a joint to, you know, wake it up in a room three days later from freebasing there, not knowing where the hell I was, you know, how much longer would have taken before I finally was willing to get over my fear of needles. My trajectory was so fast and so hard that I can't imagine, you know, and then we bring fentanyl into it. How many people have we lost?
Speaker 1 00:56:48 Well, and you know, it's funny that you say, how long would it have taken for my fear of needles to dissipate? I thought the exact same thing. I got sober when I was 29 and a half. I don't know how much longer I was going to be afraid of needles. Cause I was looking for something else because what I was doing was not working anymore. So Molly, why aren't you, one of those statistics that just took it to the grave. Why you so fucking special about you? Honestly? Why not?
Speaker 3 00:57:21 I am so grateful that I had my mother dragged me kicking and screaming. I wouldn't have gotten there on my own.
Speaker 1 00:57:28 Are you, is this accurate that you're saying, why not? You a huge pivotal reason person is your mom. Yeah. What do you want to say to your mom right now? The woman that you told a nurse that she was beating you and that you needed to go to foster care. What do you want to say to that woman now that you just said that she's the reason why you're still alive? What do you want to say to that woman?
Speaker 3 00:57:55 And I've said it all to her in private, thank God I've had the opportunity to do it, but you know, thank you. You know, thank you for not only bringing me into this world, but saving me from Exene in it too soon. Thank you for being the over-protective psycho mother that knew that I had gotten into that liquor cabinet and there was just an inch missing after it hadn't been touched in 10 years. I mean, she was like clairvoyant, but thank you for being that gypsy that just sends to shit and just knew what was going on and being on top of it. Because if it wasn't for her, I don't think I would have gotten there on my own. I was too stubborn. I was too to know it all. She not only brought me into the world, but she saved me from going out of it. And I am eternally grateful. She's my best friend. Now we are just, uh, I've been blessed to have her in my life. And every day is a gift.
Speaker 1 00:58:56 What would you say to the young woman that's in her late twenties, that's on the verge of ending it all.
Speaker 3 00:59:07 I would say it can get better. You have a choice, you have an opportunity to get better and it's really not as hard as you think it is. I think thinking about and thinking about change and you know, we're, we're, we're famous for the wheels in our head that just grind us addicts and alcoholics. We're just, we're just, we're, we're now around. We're generally quite bright and we're also very, we have a great survival instinct, but any drug and alcohol will wear you down to the point where you don't have it anymore. And when you get to that point, just know that there is an opportunity to take a different road, to just turn on your heel pivot sister and go towards the light because it's there, it's waiting for you and you just need to take the steps. You know, Nick always yours. You're famous for giving out the numbers for help and giving out the resources for help at the end.
Speaker 3 01:00:01 So I will leave that to you, but there are telephone numbers. You can call. There's an intergroup, AA, intergroup, or N a intro group that you can call anywhere in the United States. You can pick up the phone and call and say, I need help. And there are people that will help you. You can instate a Minnesota. You can basically go to treatment for free. The state of Minnesota. You can get help for free if you don't have the money to pay for it. I know this because I work in the treatment field. It is a wonderful gift and you can do outpatient. Like I did try it, you know, learn a few things, learn a few skills about yourself and figure it out. Maybe you're not an addict or an alcoholic, maybe you're not. But if you think you might be in the very back of your brain, what's it going to hurt to go three nights a week, like night school, go to an outpatient and check it out and just see you can do it. It's just a choice.
Speaker 1 01:00:56 Molly. You said you were a performer. Ballet was your life. In fact, you didn't really engage in any other education, math, science, socials, it was dance. That was it for you. And you said you haven't been on the stage since would you ever go back on the stage?
Speaker 3 01:01:19 I only thought about it like within the past five years that I would probably go back to community theater. If I had the time, there was a big decision that I made at the age of 18 when John Clark Donahue, the, who was the director of children's theater company at school, when he kicked me out for smoking a joint and then he went down for child abuse. But anyway, um,
Speaker 3 01:01:44 But I made a decision then because I had that opportunity still to go to New York, to stand in line for a bit part in so commercial, you know, with 500 other girls and just start couch surfing and trying to make it. And I saw, I saw my future. I knew my limitations and I knew that it was more important for me to have a roof over my head than it was to follow that art. And I knew that I valued a formal education more than I valued being on a Broadway stage. And I just made the decision at 18 that no matter what I was going to go get myself an education and I was going to provide for myself because at that point in my life, that was the most important thing I could do was be here, streak, be independent. I wanted to not have to rely on anybody to live a lifestyle that I wanted to live. And I knew that following that art was just not guaranteed. And I saw some of my gals that I was in all of the arts, performing arts with that had not very much talent. I saw them go and succeed in the performing arts. And it was because they had that drive and they had that ambition and hi Marla,
Speaker 1 01:02:57 American metal, damn it, woman People can't focus on,
Speaker 3 01:03:07 But she's re you know, I mean, that was, I knew that. And I knew that I didn't, I didn't have that desire to, to just live on the streets, which you had to do for awhile. So I went and got the undergraduate degree and then I went and got the master's degree. And then I did the studying overseas and I threw myself into politics and, and the Russian language and culture. And I did things I would've never have dreamed of doing back when I was in the performing arts. I mean, I might've dreamed about, you know, dancing at the Bolshoi someday or the moon ski theater or something, but I never dreamed that I would do what I actually was able to do on my sobriety. So it was so worth it. I have no regrets because of that. I have a career now where I don't have fucking time to be in community theater. Oh my God, what it takes to do that. So I mean the focus and the dedication, you either there, and you're, you know, partly retired or you're waiting tables or something on the side, or, you know, you've got other commitments and I, and that's really where I'm at. I just have too much going on right now, but hopefully someday I would love to go back and do like a community theater thing I think would be cool.
Speaker 1 01:04:12 Oh, wait, you're on a stage right now. So you've already done it. Yes. Would you like to make a covenant with me? What's that? That you and I someday we'll do community theater together, dude. Hell yeah. Man. Him been in many, a play love
Speaker 3 01:04:35 Drama. Oh God. We've got so many opportunities to singing.
Speaker 1 01:04:38 I know it's
Speaker 3 01:04:39 Easy to just chock full of it.
Speaker 1 01:04:41 Thanks. COVID mom. Mom, do you remember that? Thanks. So bomb off. I'm just going to say thanks. COVID or I came up with another one, someone I heard someone said, and we have China to thank for all of their eyes for this whole COVID situation, but not as such. It's a fucking epidemic pandemic pandemic, right? That's the right word. Okay. So I've been saying, thanks, China, someday. You and I will be on a stage two GABA. That'd be rocket, man. That would be marvelous. That would be fun. All right. Well, you know what is going to come next? Because you are an avid listener of my truck. All right, Molly, with three ELLs, I mean two ELLs. What do you want your legacy as a human being to be?
Speaker 3 01:05:41 If I passed away and people had to remember me, I would hope that they would think that I did something to make the world a little better, but more importantly, I would hope that I have helped someone somewhere one-on-one to take a different path in their life towards health and wellness. I kind of hope I'm somewhat of a role model for some gals. You know? Um, I hope that they could see that you can be an independent female and you can, you can do anything that you want in this world. Nothing should be nothing should hold you back. I've lived that way. And I hope that I'm remembered that way.
Speaker 1 01:06:23 Molly, Molly. my sober mommy. When am I sober? Mommies? I Minnesota. You, your mommy.
Speaker 3 01:06:34 Don't
Speaker 1 01:06:34 You know. Oh, sure. You bet ya hot dish fucking hot. It's a fucking casserole. It's a fucking casserole
Speaker 3 01:06:44 Dish. If it's an electron basement,
Speaker 1 01:06:46 Tater tot hot dish. Right. I, first of all, I didn't know that you put tater tots in a fucking tater tots in a fucking casserole. Disgusting. It's fucking foul. Why would you do that? Tater tots are supposed to be like crispy and you're and it's
Speaker 3 01:07:04 Like carrots in green jello. What the
Speaker 1 01:07:06 Fuck is that?
Speaker 3 01:07:07 I don't know.
Speaker 1 01:07:08 Oh my God. I mean, thank you Minnesota for giving me an amazing life. Um, but seriously, you're fucking weird. Fucking weird. It's weird everywhere. I suppose. It's all relative. Yeah. Molly. Thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you for
Speaker 3 01:07:29 Having me, Nick.
Speaker 1 01:07:30 Yeah. It's um, it's always a pleasure to just hear your voice, but to get to know you on this level is an honor and a privilege. I am so grateful to have you in my life to have had you in my life for three years and nine months in change. You were at the very first AA meeting I went to in Minnesota when I came here in mid-February 2017. Yeah. 2017. I remember that day. Yeah. I used to be so serious. Oh yeah, you were, it was very morose. It was very suicidal. Oh, where are you? Oh yeah. Oh, it was so dark,
Speaker 3 01:08:10 But I kept showing up. Yeah,
Speaker 1 01:08:11 You did, man. It was some dark shit. Wasn't it. And then we turned you into the twisted serpents. Oh the twisted serpent. Come on down to the AA meetings. You see a twisted serpent. You're going to get railroaded into running the damn thing. Let's get the fuck outta here. You ready? I'm ready. All right. Do you have a sign off line for us? Okay. Take a take a minute. It's okay. Do you need your HP? Let's let's breathe a little bit for your HP and we'll see what comes to you because you know what? My son offline is here we go. Ride fast ride hard. Wow. Cottey t-shirt and boys. She is single and ready. Bingo ride fast ride hard. No, not that way. I got a motorcycle. Put it on a tee for me and I just kind of hit it out of the park. Touch them all Homebase. Yeah. And as always be good to yourselves.
