Speaker 0 00:00:00 Hey you. Yeah, you, if you or someone you know, is struggling with anything mentioned on today's program, please, please, please,
Speaker 1 00:00:10 Please, please, please
Speaker 0 00:00:12 Email
[email protected]. That's a U T H E N I C K. The
[email protected]. I am available 24 seven three 65 to help in any way that I can. I have resources. I have open ears and open heart and tons of hope. I've been freely given all these things and would love to give them to you. Be good to yourselves and each other. Follow me on Twitter, using the handle at authen, Nick and my dog, Marla on Instagram at DJ Marla dot Jean.
Speaker 1 00:00:50 <inaudible>
Speaker 0 00:00:58 Welcome to the show. My name is Nicholas Thomas Fitzsimmons. Vanden Heuvel book. Most people just call me Nick. And this is my show authentic.
Speaker 1 00:01:08 Where are we
Speaker 0 00:01:13 Here on authentic. We talk about all things recovery. What do I mean by that? All things recovery. Well, what I mean by that is if you are still living and breathing on this earth, you, yes, you are in recovery from something. As for myself, I am in recovery from alcoholism. I am an alcoholic. I'm also a drug addict. I have an eating disorder. I'm a compulsive gambler. I bipolar disorder. Really the list could go on and on and on. However lucky for you. The show is not about me today. It is about two people. First is my guest, Pete, who will share his experience, strength and hope as it pertains to his recovery from alcoholism and traumatic loss. Second is the one person that Pete is most certainly going to help on today's show because if we help one person, then we have done our job, Pete.
Speaker 0 00:02:06 And I want you to know that you are not alone. The episode you are about to hear is part two of Pete peels back the layers for those of you that missed last week's episode, a little disappointed in you kidding. In part one of Pete peels back the layers, he shared his experience of losing his father to suicide at the age of nine and the family dysfunction that ensued. Pete also discusses getting sober as a 52 year old man that had been drinking for 37 years. It all ended with him crashing into his own garage door. Now join us for Pete's strength and Pete's hope. Enjoy
Speaker 1 00:02:54 Mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, mama, man. My mum <inaudible> kind of started
Speaker 2 00:03:22 Welcome back to authentic where Pete is most certainly getting authentic. Pete, at the end of the last segment you were talking about when you crashed your car into your two month old garage door and you sank into your seat and you decided that you needed help, what did that first step of actually getting help? Look like my wife had been talking to some folks that were familiar with different treatment centers and other groups that deal with addiction. And once we determined what I meant by, ah, I need to go away. This was way beyond going back to see the psychologist going back to the medical doctor, I needed help to quit drinking. She had in her phone, an organization that a friend of hers was familiar with her friend weeks or months before had told her when Pete's ready. If he, if he's ready, have him go here.
Speaker 2 00:04:20 I called them, my, my wife brought the number up. I called the retreat out in Wayzata. I don't remember a lot of the conversation, but I just remember telling them I needed help. And you know, what do I do at that point? It was like, I became focused and ready. It was willingness. I had surrendered a tapped out. I'm done no more ready to do whatever it was that I had to do to not live like the way I was living up until that point. Did you even have any willingness to listen to people that were hinting at your drinking problem hinting at, Hey, I know somebody that could help. I didn't really have anyone talking to me about it. Other than my wife, a couple of my kids. I didn't, no one else had approached me. My wife left a book, an end table in our living room and said, Hey, Kelly thought you might like to read this.
Speaker 2 00:05:14 As I said, you know, my wife was going to, to meetings essentially to learn how to live with someone like me and I'd see her books out and about, I didn't really think twice about them. Perhaps that planted a seed. There was at least something. There was this book, these meetings that my wife is going to. Maybe there's something to this, but not yet. I'm not done yet. I knew a long time ago that at some point I was either just going to die from this or I would have to quit. It's a progressive disease. It keeps getting worse. I've been going the better part of three decades. And I'm like, you know what? I got a small business and things are going. Then they started not being okay. And things became very unmanageable. Very quickly. The crescendo was driving in the garage door for me, but I think deep down inside, I was fooling myself.
Speaker 2 00:06:10 But I wasn't. I knew I had a problem between not knowing what to do about it. It was easier for me just to pick up and drink and try and make it all, go away. Just make it all go away. I don't want to think about it. It's not like I made a conscientious choice to just let things happen organically. I guess that's just kind of how they happened. I hit my bottom or it came up and bit me whichever way you want to look at it. I didn't have a plan that over the next five days, I'm gonna make sure my bills are all paid. My laundry is all clean and I'm going to pack a bag and I'm going to go away to treatment. That's not what happened. I made my decision. And within a couple of days, I was on my way to detox.
Speaker 0 00:06:48 It almost sounds like it wasn't even a choice. It was this pole towards the retreat towards something else, because you said no more. What was next was okay, I can't do this. I don't know. It just seems to me like you didn't even make a choice. It was this underlying pole for you in one direction. It sounds like you stopped fighting it. When you said no more.
Speaker 2 00:07:15 I had someone say to me once when I was telling them the garage door story, he said, Pete, it sounds like that's when you received your gift of desperation. When I heard him say that, it's the way I look at it. Now I had finally gotten to the point where I was desperate enough. If someone's ever been in a fist fight, you're going toe to toe with somebody taking a couple of punches here and there. Maybe you're getting one or two in. Then you find yourself down on your knees and your hands and you're getting kicked and you're thinking I can still get up and get this guy. And, but then you're flat on your chest and you're done. There's nothing more you can do. You're you're tapping out. That's where I was figuratively for sure. And I had been taken a mental and physical beating.
Speaker 2 00:08:02 The mental part really was the scarier part for me. Am I doing what my dad did? But just in a slower, more cowardly way, it might not just drive in the car into the garage and getting the job done. It might just slowly drinking myself to death. I would ask myself that I don't want to do that. And I don't want to do that to my family. So that was weighing on my mind. So that was just one. That was one of the straws on the camel's back that point. I didn't care about my physical health, but the mental health. What if I go insane? What if I get locked up? I saw the movie one flew over the Cuckoo's nest. When I was a kid. I don't think I could watch that movie. Now. It just, it freaked me out. That was my bigger fears being institutionalized.
Speaker 2 00:08:42 It was a combination of a lot of things, but yes, I had received the gift of desperation. I hadn't felt that sense of peace. Maybe since that moment in the driveway, when I was 15 and my brain had had enough alcohol in it, where I just kind of let out the breath and said, now I feel at ease while I always remember that moment when I was 15 and the driveway at that party, I'm always going to remember that moment, driving into my garage, putting my head down and saying, I'm done. When I said I'm done. I was talking to God, my way of saying, I'm ready to do whatever you need to do to get better. I don't want to go out
Speaker 0 00:09:23 This way. Making that concession landed you at the retreat.
Speaker 2 00:09:28 The retreat provide for you immediately
Speaker 0 00:09:31 Walk me through what happened the day you arrived.
Speaker 2 00:09:35 I want to go back to going into detox because it was two and a half days that I was there, but it was, it was very important for me. I'm glad that I went there. The reason I had to go to detox is because of the many years of my drinking and how much I had been drinking in the months prior to this for the first time, I was honest about my drinking with someone. And that was the person at the retreat that I spoke with on the phone. And they said, well, based on how you've been drinking, we need you to go to detox. So you can be medically supervised. The retreat's not a medical facility. There are doctors and psychiatrists running around there and they needed to make sure I had gone through withdrawals safely. You know, I went there and detox is not, it's not a place you want to go.
Speaker 2 00:10:18 I mean, some people want to go there because they want to get help. And it's a good place to go. If you need that kind of help there's folks in there that typically I would have looked around. If I was comparing myself to those people, I would have said, well, there's people coming out of jail. There's people that are coming out of the hospital. I mean, there's some, some rough characters in there. I felt comfortable in there. I didn't hide in my room, laying in my bed. I was out in the common area, talking to people. I just thought, well, these people are no different than me. I'm no different than them. Maybe they have a drug problem. I have an alcohol problem, whatever I felt comfortable in that group of people. And I had some amazing conversations with people. Some who'd been to detox multiple times.
Speaker 2 00:10:59 Some who'd been there for an extended period of time, but it was good for me to go there. I went to detox, give you a breathalyzer. When they're admitting you, I blew triple zeros 0.0, zero, zero. And the guy looked at it. He said, why are you here again? People don't go into detox and blow a 0.0. They go in there and they blow point threes or, you know, point twos or whatever. And I said, well, I don't know I'm going to the retreat. And they told me I had to come here first. He said, well, okay. And they monitored me. That was a Thursday. They'd let me go middle of the day. And the following Saturday. And I got out to the retreat and what happened when I got out there, the staff person I met was amazing. I was in good spirits. My wife and my daughter brought me out there. I was excited to go there.
Speaker 0 00:11:45 Why did you go to detox stone, cold sober. Because
Speaker 2 00:11:49 The Sunday that I drove into my garage door, I had two beers in my refrigerator. They were lying kugel summer shandies my daughter was home from college, grabbed the two beers. I brought them out to her. I said, well, you want to have what? Hopefully will be your dad's last drink of alcohol with me. And we sat outside and drank a beer. And that was the last, that's the last beer I've had in 27 months. And I didn't drink anything after that. Some people get completely hammered. If they know they're going to detox. I had that beer because I wanted to have a beer with my daughter. I guess at the time I thought that was important or it would mean something or symbolic. I don't know. Plus there were two beers there and that's all we had. I drank it with her. And that was it.
Speaker 2 00:12:31 I was done. That was a, I think a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, nothing to drink. I go into detox on Thursday and 0.0, zero, and word got out that some guy just got here in detox word, got out to the other people, staying at detox. Like some guy just blew zeros and he's in here. I don't know if they thought I was undercover or they wanted to know, why are you here? I had to come here. I'm going to the retreat. They're like, Oh, you're going to the retreat. So some of them understood that some people have to go to detox. Anyway, I really had detoxed for the most part on my own DTS night sweats, dry heaving. Back when I was taking my medication and cutting back on my alcohol, one eight ounce drink or wine or whatever was not what my brain and my body were looking for.
Speaker 2 00:13:16 It's like, no, stop toying with me and let's get going here. Yeah. I had all these weird things happening to me. The shakes, the night sweats, dry heaves. I didn't know that's what I was going through was withdrawal. I didn't know. I didn't, I didn't know that withdrawal can be deadly. Fortunately, I didn't have a seizure or any of that stuff. I got through it, relatively unscathed compared to what some people go through. I got out to the retreat on a Saturday, as I said, my, my wife and my daughter brought me out there. I think they were a little more nervous or apprehensive maybe than I was. I had the chin strap on and I was ready to go in that desperation turned a willingness. I was ready to see what this whole thing was all about. Part of it was, I think I knew at some point I was going to be in this situation.
Speaker 2 00:13:58 I was going to arrive here someplace like this. Let's see what the next chapter brings. It was like a Christmas present almost. Let's unwrap this and see what's in here. You get to the retreat, they take you to your room. What happens next? You know, I was a little concerned about who I was going to be at the retreat with and more so I got to my room and I had a roommate and I got in there a little nervous about who I was going to be rooming with for what I thought was going to be the next 30 days or whatever. I've been in situations where I've had to room with people or whatever I was in the army. And you know, you gotta learn to get along with all sorts of people and well, whatever the case is, it'll be fine. One of the first things I saw was a bottle of Axe, body spray.
Speaker 2 00:14:39 And I just thought I'm reading into this. I got some young kid I'm going to be in here with some young trust fund baby who I'm going to have nothing in common with and who brings body spray to treatment. That's what I was thinking. I opened my suitcase and there's a letter in there. It says dad from my daughter that she had snuck into my suitcase. I read it. I kept that thing in my back pocket. The entire time I was at the retreat. And I would just, I'd pull it out a few times a day and just read it. What did she say? I'm glad that you found the courage to go get help, go into it with an open mind. She told me in there that she had been worried about how much I was drinking. I didn't want to say anything to you because I was afraid. You'd think I was disappointed in you. That was a kick in the nuts. That was just a taste of what was to come over the next week, two weeks, three weeks. I started to realize what my drinking was doing to my family that did not sit well with me. I felt horrible. Just never occurred to me. What I was doing to my family.
Speaker 0 00:15:43 The following weeks. What did you find most helpful about being at the retreat
Speaker 2 00:15:48 Guests as we were referred to in there, it's all walks of life. And there people from 18 years old, I was in there with a guy in his seventies. People
Speaker 0 00:15:58 Normally would not mix except they have a common affliction,
Speaker 2 00:16:01 Correct? You're in there with these other people that are going through the same thing. A lot of similar experience. You know, I talked about my experience. There were differences, the extent of the extremes. You know, some people had some pending legal issues. They had been involved in accidents. Some folks had almost died from an overdose. Some people were literally on their deathbed were able to survive and everyone reached their point of desperation in a different way. The retreat is peer run. You know, you're not sitting around in hours of classroom time, necessarily talking about the psychology of the disease or anything like that. We had a lot of time to sit around and just talk with each other. We studied a 12 step program. Everything was centered around that, going through and studying, not just reading about or hearing about studying a 12 step program. I learned more about myself in a very short amount of time than I ever learned about myself.
Speaker 0 00:16:58 For the studying of this text that you found in the retreat of this 12 step program, the same text that was sitting on the end table in your home, that you never really picked up yet. You picked up the book in treatment, you picked up friendship fellowship. You understood that this is where I'm supposed to be. So I just gotta do it. What were you doing? What were you finding out about yourself?
Speaker 2 00:17:24 First thing I learned was even though this is not a medical facility, I learned about the medical part of my disease.
Speaker 0 00:17:33 Why was that helpful in, why do you call it a disease?
Speaker 2 00:17:36 Typically don't refer to it as a disease. It was helpful to understand why I could not have a few drinks and call it a day after reading in the book about how it's an allergy. Some people just like some people have hay fever allergies or a peanut allergy, or there's those of us that as someone put it to me, most people have an off switch. If they go to dinner, they have a glass wine cocktail before dinner, a glass or two of wine during dinner. And then they're done. I don't have an off switch.
Speaker 0 00:18:09 Keep going. The understanding that there is a physical component to something that you already understood. There was some sort of mental thing going on because of the obsession you had with alcohol throughout your drinking career. There was always this idea that I want more. I want more, yeah.
Speaker 2 00:18:24 I want more. I would always say I can control my drinking if I want to. I guess,
Speaker 0 00:18:28 Identification of this physical component to this sickness, to this illness, to this disease, whatever you want to call it. What did the identification of that physical component? Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:18:39 Tell you it told me no matter how smart I thought I was, no matter how disciplined I could be. If I want it to be my chances of quitting drinking or controlling my drinking, my chances were very slim. And I was at the point where I knew I can't control it. I just intuitively knew that I'm going to need something else to help me stop.
Speaker 0 00:19:04 What was that? Something else? What did you find in that 12 step program? What did you find in that text that gave you what your own reason, your own decision, your own grit, couldn't give you.
Speaker 2 00:19:15 In my case, what happened was the book talks about a higher power choosing your own definition of that. And I don't have necessarily, I have a definition of my higher power. I choose to call my higher power. God, because that's what I grew up with. I don't define it. I don't know what God is. And for me, it's not important to know. I've got someone to answer to and to go to something, took away my mental and physical need for alcohol. I think when I drove into that garage door, I think it may have been taken away then.
Speaker 0 00:19:47 Is it fair to say that when you came to the retreat, when you started reading this text, when you started sharing your story with people that had same or similar stories than you, you shared in a common peril, would you say that you went from being chemically dependent, dependent on alcohol to dependent upon your higher power, which you call God, was there that flip or was it a gradual process? Was it maybe I have to investigate this. Maybe this can help this book is telling me that this could help or was it sudden, damn, I used to be dependent upon alcohol. It was my answer for everything. And then my life went to shit. Now I'm here. And they're telling me that there's this spirituality piece.
Speaker 2 00:20:29 I'd say I went from alcohol dependent to leaving that behind me and finding the solution, which for me was a higher power or God. That's how I live my life now. I mean, I, I had what maybe some people would call a psychic change. I say that more. And that was reinforced mostly from hearing it from other people, especially my family members, my wife would frequently say, you know, this is after I got out of the retreat. I came back home. I took a couple more weeks off just to hang out at home and kind of decompress before I went back to work and I'd say something or I'd do something. Or sometimes I wouldn't react in a way that she was used to me reacting. And she'd say, well,
Speaker 0 00:21:14 What did they do to you in there?
Speaker 2 00:21:17 I remember I picked my older boys up from their apartment, getting on 35 w to go see a go see my mom and I was on the entrance ramp. I wanted to merge and someone was going really slow, which just, just used to drive me up a wall. I slowed way down, pulled in behind the car. Typically, you know, I would have been on the person's bumper, passively, aggressively telling them don't do 40 when I'm trying to merge, you know, that's, that was my behavior. I was going to show them how stupid they were, but I didn't this time, I just backed off the gas pedal. I pulled in a safe distance behind him. And my, my son looked at me and said, wow,
Speaker 0 00:21:54 You really are peaceful and serene. And he called me peaceful, Pete. He said, I'm going to call you a peaceful Pete,
Speaker 2 00:22:02 Just little things like that, that people noticed in me that I didn't necessarily notice behaviors. It was reacting to things differently. It was just, it was my demeanor that other people were noticing.
Speaker 0 00:22:14 What did you do to sustain that demeanor? Easy going from there on out, like you were just peaceful, Pete and you're peaceful. Pete today. What were you doing to support that?
Speaker 2 00:22:24 The retreat armed. I called it a, it was like boot camp for a 12 step program. You know, much like boot camp in the military. If you get out of boot camp and you're, you're going off to war, you're somewhat equipped, but you still got a lot to learn. If you're a soldier going out to the battlefield, you're going to find the Sergeant or the NCO. That's been there a few tours and knows what the game has. I went to meetings every day, 12 set meetings. I was fortunate enough that I've, I've got a place to go to meetings every day, 0.8 miles from my house. I found a meeting that's at six 30 in the morning. I went to it every day. I went to six or seven meetings a week. Sometimes more. Sometimes I'd go to two meetings a day.
Speaker 0 00:23:05 What were those meetings doing for you? Why did you keep going back to them?
Speaker 2 00:23:09 I was getting more of what I got at the retreat, which is fellowship, studying the texts, you know, studying the 12 steps, learning more about the 12 steps. Being with people who'd been sober. In some cases for decades, they talk about getting into a herd and being protected by the herd. I felt at the retreat that I was like in a protective cocoon. I didn't have my cell phone, which that guy asked me. When I checked in at the retreat, he asked me, he said, I need your cell phone here, have the damn thing. I didn't want anything to do with it. I was, that was one of the best parts is not having that phone with me. The only thing I didn't want to give up was my hat.
Speaker 2 00:23:49 And they told me I couldn't have, I couldn't wear a hat. I gave up my cell phone freely. I gave them all my money for them to hang on to, but they wanted my hat. I was so angry. I was so angry. But for some reason, my hat is my it's my shield. Yeah. And without that hat, I was completely and utterly exposed and raw and vulnerable. Interesting. Yeah. Did they ever give you the reason for no, no hat? No. And I got real pissy when every Sunday they'd have a 12 step meeting and I saw fuckers coming in with hats. All these fuckers that were coming in from the outside, get to wear their damn hats. They don't have to take it off at the door, but I did. And there's a reason for that. There's a reason I went to that treatment center.
Speaker 2 00:24:37 There's a reason why they made me take off my hat. Is it? And again, it's, it's all these synchronicities that are happening. Everything's happening for a reason, this belief in a higher power that you're gaining and this fellowship of people that share that same willingness to believe in a higher power, because they could no longer rely on their solution, which was alcohol. They have found a solution in some sort of faith, faith in a higher power, faith alone in a higher power. Doesn't really give you the tools that you need. What kind of tools do you have now, other than just a faith in a higher power faith at a higher power is great. That's wonderful. It can only take you so far. What sort of tools are you getting in order to use that higher power? The tools that I use, one is prayer.
Speaker 2 00:25:26 I grew up saying my prayers at night and things like that, praying for me is so important and meditation, you know, I'm not necessarily talking about meditation with the music in the back and what a lot of people think about meditation is more it's quiet time. So prayer is for me, is talking to God. You know, a lot of times what I do, uh, well, I wake up in the morning, my sponsor asked me, are you praying in the morning? I said, yes. He said, are you getting on your knees and praying? I said, no. He said, well, do that, give it two weeks. Get on your knees and pray in the morning. What is a sponsor? And what sort of role does that play in your continued recovery? The sponsor takes you through the steps. The analogy I heard once was you get on the recovery path and the sponsor is the one that grabs you by the hand and is leading you down the path.
Speaker 2 00:26:22 And you're on that path with other people. My sponsor has taken me through the steps of the 12 step program. And they're a teacher. They're a guide. It's someone you can talk to. You know, I've, I've never had to call my sponsor and say, yeah, I feel like I need a drink. I fortunately I have not been able to do that, but a sponsor that would probably be your first call. If you felt that urge coming on this reinforcement of, of an idea of a practice that you can't do it alone, not being alone means I can talk to God through meditation. I can swore I listen to God. Not that I'm hearing God's voice talk to me, but it's the receiving of what I've prayed about. One of the things I pray for is to God, is it's like I tell my wife, if I'm out meeting with someone and I come back and she asked me how it went with them. And I said, you know, it wasn't really well, you know, maybe it's someone that's struggling. And I went out to talk with them and she said, yeah, it's, it's, it's great that you're doing that and helping people. And I say, well, I'm just a tool.
Speaker 3 00:27:27 Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:27:28 You know, I'm just, I am, I'm, I'm a tool grown up, going to church, at least for awhile. I pretty much quit going to church when I was 11 or 12. But what changed for me is I was seeking God. Whereas before it's like, God helped me stop doing this or help get me out of this bad situation or help me get out of that bad situation. And so my approach to God changed where it was more about, I want to have a relationship with God or my higher power. And for me, the seeking that relationship changed things for me. How did your relationships change with the outside world, with people who aren't necessarily alcoholics, who you don't encounter in these 12 step meetings, because a lot of the world exists outside of these 12 step meetings. How did your relationships change with the outside world with peaceful Pete?
Speaker 2 00:28:23 Well, I mean, that's an example right there. I mean, if the fuse went out in my car that controlled my horn, I probably wouldn't even know it. I am so much more patient and not just on the road. I mean, that's just, that's one example that a lot of people use because for whatever reason, you know, on a daily basis that I can really get a lot of people fired up being out in the road. And that's not to say that I am driving in the left lane, maybe doing a little more than the speed limit. Someone's doing 55 in the left lane, which is a passing lane, which is a ticketable offense, by the way now
Speaker 3 00:28:57 <inaudible>,
Speaker 2 00:29:02 I don't think they're given tickets for that. I don't care about that stuff. It's just, I don't sweat the small stuff, even just things around the house. I just think, is it really that important if I gotta turn the basement lights off several times a day, you don't sweat the small stuff. How do you approach the big stuff? If it's an issue with someone I work with or you know, my wife or one of my kids, whereas before I'm flying off the handle or I'm going silent, it's one of the other, the silent treatment can be just as bad as getting angry and verbalizing it. I pause, I think. And I try to practice the principles that I read about and study and talk with other people about things like patience and acceptance and understanding. I think one of the biggest things for me is I first look at myself and my own behavior.
Speaker 2 00:30:00 Is it something I'm doing? That's causing the person to treat me this way. And in a lot of cases, it is it's, it's my own behavior. That's causing someone to treat me the way they're treating me. If it was people in the past that have wronged me. You know, I look at that. I can say that person was sick. I can pray that God will help that person get better. I've got a lot of different things at my disposal to, to handle situations. Like I said, it's a, it's a psychic change. I it's like the old drunk. Pete is dead. A profound alteration in your reaction to life. Yes. That's the concise and accurate way to put it. Damn right? It is. Yeah. He must do this for a living. No, no, I'm not getting paid for this folks. I'll wake up. I try and get quiet time.
Speaker 2 00:30:49 Now there's no TV on. I'm just, even if it's driving in my car, I find that I take any moment or I can think about something other than what's going on at work or anything else. What pops into my head is gratitude. It's beyond being thankful, indescribable gratitude, where I went from being what I thought was on God's B squad where you know why me, why me, this? Why me? Why did this happen to me? Why? I don't think that way anymore. I heard our spiritual director at the retreat. He wrote a book. I listened to him speak several times. So I learned about his childhood. If you're looking at the definition of given a definition of trauma, his childhood could be right there. I mean, as the definition, he went through unspeakable, physical, sexual abuse, and he spoke. And when he said the following, it, it flipped a switch in my brain.
Speaker 2 00:31:45 I think he was in his twenties. He was in the process of getting sober, I believe, or, or getting close to that point. And he said, I just made a decision to stop being a victim and be a survivor. I heard that. And I just said, I'm going to do that too. I'm a survivor. I'm not a victim. I survived all that stuff. That was part of a psychic change for me, the shift in my mindset. And it seems so simple. Why did I go through decades of drinking and everything else? Where was I going to hear that before? I never opened myself up to hearing anything like that. I wasn't around people who talked like that. Surround yourself with people, you call them spiritual people or whatever. And you talk about stuff like that. So when you hear something like that, it's like, damn, why couldn't I have heard this guy's speech heard this guy's speech years ago.
Speaker 2 00:32:37 I've thought about that too. Why did I wait until I was 52 years old to quit drinking? Why didn't I decide to quit drinking when I was 29 and got my DWI? Maybe just maybe because there's somebody listening right now. That's 52 years old and he's still drinking. Maybe that's why. And that's the other thing I've learned about my relationship with God is I really don't know what his plan is for me. When I say I'm a tool. That's am I, life is not going to be perfect. There are going to be ups and downs. There's going to be, there will be tragedy in my life. I'm sure at some point who knows what's going to happen? I believe it's all part of a plan and I'm in a way I'm, uh, I'm along for the ride and making myself available. If there's someone who's listening to this who says, damn, I hear my story and Pete story.
Speaker 2 00:33:26 That's really, what I want to do is if there's anything I can do, telling my story or whatever that helps someone who's still suffering with this. I don't want people to go another day having a exist, like I was existing. And that's the thing is people don't have to go another day. And as I mentioned at the very beginning of this program, you can reach out. You can reach out to me directly. I have that email address,
[email protected], eight U T H E N I C K. The
[email protected]. I will answer 24 seven three 65. If you identified with something Peter said today, reach out just a few strokes of the keyboard and you can have that switch flipped like Pete had. We're going to take a little break and hope fully. Pete will flip a few switches of his own when we get back. <inaudible>
Speaker 2 00:35:46 Welcome back to authentic Pete. At the end of the last segment, we were talking about flipping switches. How are you flipping the switch on nourishing and furthering your spirituality? What does that look like? One of the ways I do that is I try to put myself in situations where I can talk about it. Of course I lean on other people, you know, to help me with that. I talk about my experience. No one needs to believe in God to do this. I mean, for me, that's what it was a power greater than yourself. I believe that's how people can be released from this, this burden of addiction. What I find is telling them, as I've been talking about this evening, I talk about my experience. You know, what my life was like and what it's like. Now I tell them about the role that spirituality has played in that laid out in front of him.
Speaker 2 00:36:42 Take it if you want it, if you don't want it right now, just know it's always here. If you want it right. Telling them my experience talked about seeking God, I never did that before. I did things like go to church every Sunday, I read some books. I wasn't seeking God. Like I do. Now, maybe my motives in the past, weren't right. Maybe I was doing it for selfish reasons. I don't know, 20 months ago when I said I'm done my heart and mind opened up. When I found something that was working for me. And that made sense. I closed my mind around it. That doesn't mean I have a closed mind now, but I found what I was looking for. I think I've done a lot of reading. There's a famous psychiatrist. Carl Young, he wrote about every human is born with an empty space.
Speaker 2 00:37:33 They need to have filled. He talked about it. Being that space is a space where they want oneness. You know, he felt that that for a lot of people is God. For a long time. What I did is I didn't fill it with God. I filled it with alcohol. When you were filling it with alcohol, you mentioned earlier, you didn't want to go out like your dad, where you were going out, even weaker than what your dad did slowly killing yourself around your family. Why do you think you didn't kill yourself? There are so many people out there that drank themselves to death or commit suicide. Why do you think you are not another one of those statistics? My wife asked me that because since I've been sober, we've had two people who died because of drinking. Both of them, my age, both of them married, both of them with children.
Speaker 2 00:38:25 And my wife said, how come you quit? Why did those guys, those guys knew if they kept drinking that they were going to die. Some could say they were in a worse than I was at least physically because they had gone to the doctor and the doctor said, you can't drink anymore. You will die. I wasn't. At that point, I had some medical issues regarding my liver enzymes and things. They were definitely on the going the wrong way. You know, she asked me that. And I just, I said, I don't know. I, the only thing I could say was I'm not smarter is my survival instinct stronger. I don't know. Maybe it's God's plan for me. That's the way I look at it. That's the only way I can explain that because really the other thing I've heard about the 12 step program that I practices thousands come and dozens stay.
Speaker 2 00:39:13 I've heard so many different numbers about people with addiction and the percentage that actually seek help. Something like 10% of the people with addiction issues actually even seek help. I don't know why that is. Was I a week away from being one of those people that became hopeless? In my case, maybe the alcohol was just getting close to just taking over all of my brain. But I got out just in time for whatever reason, maybe. Cause I still had a little hope left. I had a moment or an event that slapped me in the face. A series of events, culminating in a, a bigger event that finally made me say I'm done.
Speaker 0 00:39:53 What would you say to the person that hasn't had those series of events or hasn't paid attention to those series of events? What would you say to someone that 52 years old and is hopeless, hopeless state of mind and body? What do you tell them? I don't know what to do. There's no hope for me.
Speaker 2 00:40:10 I did feel hopeless when I was curled up on my couch. I couldn't go to work. I mean, there were days where I'd drive into the parking lot of work. I'd get out of my car and I just, I can't go in there. I don't know if it was cause I didn't want to be without booze all day. I don't know, but I'd get back in my car and I'd drive back home. I felt like I was in a prison, even though I'm in my home with my wife and two of my kids living around me, I felt like no one can help me. I was desperate. It was a desperate situation for me. I would say, you're not really giving up. It's not over till it's over the fact that someone's maybe in a quandary about what's going on. And they're saying, why is this happening to me? What am I doing? There's a way out picking up the 800 pound phone, calling a friend and saying, I need help. Do you know anyone that can help me? There's probably someone living in the floor below you in your apartment or down the street from you or someone you work with. I guarantee you is someone out there that is waiting to come and listen to you.
Speaker 0 00:41:11 There's so much weight. There's so much emphasis put on. I have to ask for help. I have to want help to some degree or just a willingness to ask for help, a willingness to want help. I see it time and time again, where people are forced into getting help. They get committed or folks give them an ultimatum or they get a nudge from the judge, whatever it is, they are going to get help because they want it. They are going to get help because they were told they have to. What do you think is so important about wanting help
Speaker 2 00:41:44 You use the word already? It's when things are bad enough, when things are unmanageable, you become willing. Or as I heard someone say, I became willing to become willing. It sounds kind of funny. At least they were closer to being willing than they were before. It's either I can fix this myself or it's no good. Anyway, I'm just gonna, I know of a guy that just left the country to drink himself to death. Well, lo and behold, I get on a meeting and there he is. It was something in him. Think about a hopeless case. He had planned a destination death, you know, you've heard a destination, weddings. This was a destination death for whatever reason, he picked this place and he was going to do that. Something kept him from finishing the job. And I think in your mind, if you keep fighting, you seek the help of a higher power.
Speaker 2 00:42:34 You seek the help of someone around you. That seeking action, being willing, you're going to get what you need. The more willing you are, the faster it's going to come. The more people that are going to help you can get out. I've heard other people say this. I just used it. It's being in a prison. I really, I was in a prison in my own mind. And the key is hanging right outside the cell door. And I'm sitting there grabbing onto the bar saying, let me out, let me out Pat, to just reach out and get the key. And the key for me happened to be going to a facility and institution for 30 days. And that's where I found my help.
Speaker 0 00:43:08 You threw out a number earlier. People that struggle with addiction are not getting help. What needs to have in your opinion, what needs to happen in the world so that more people in this world get help? What needs to happen? How does this change talking about this opioid epidemic and how people are it's true. People are fucking dying left and right. What needs to change?
Speaker 2 00:43:28 I don't have a personal opinion on it. I've watched a lot of documentaries about addiction, about recovery. If I could wave a magic wand, I would wave it. Abracadabra removed the stigma. That would be one thing for me that was huge. I didn't want to be known as a drunk or an alcoholic. In fact, most people, when they learned that I went to a 30 day treatment facility. Some of them were surprised what, even some of the employees at the bar that I used to frequent, I've never seen you. So, you know, we hide it and there's definitely a stigma attached to it. I've heard people talking about treating it, just like any other disease compared to, you know, what, if you are diagnosed with cancer, you get support. People start go fund me pages. And that's not necessarily what happens with addiction. People say, well, just quit drinking, quit popping pills. I think how we look at it as a society. I think it's probably changed a lot. It's improved lot. I think that's one thing that would help making sure the people that need help can get it and can get treated for it. I remember
Speaker 0 00:44:39 Back when I was in grade school, there was this thing called the dare program. And there was also something called scare from straight. This idea that maybe it needs to come from the schools so that the kids get educated about how drug addiction and alcoholism actually works. And what it's all about. Some folks argue that it should be coming straight away from the home. What do you think? Should it be coming from the schools? Should kids start being educated about this from a young age? Because I remember when I was exposed to the dare program, they have this big board and it had samples of all these different kinds of drugs. And it just got me curious. It didn't really change my perspective on what drugs and alcohol do to people. It just peaked my interest. Do you think that it would be more important for kids to get this education from the schools? Maybe have people come into the schools that have gone through it to normalize it? What would you think if you had a child, you have a small child in fourth or fifth grade, what would you think about going in and talking to those kids about your addiction? Do you think that would change anything that's going on? Maybe one of those kids has an alcohol
Speaker 2 00:45:54 Parents. My kids went to dare. I don't know. I don't know if they've ever quantified anything or if it was more of the approach of, well, what can it hurt? I think a lot of the kids, if they get something out of that program, maybe they weren't going to have an issue either way, whether they were exposed to that program or not. I don't know. I had a friend that died in a car accident coming across from Wisconsin, Minnesota. So they called it the blood border. He was in a car that went end over end, at least seven times. At least that's what the state patrol reported. I went to his funeral and his parents wanted to have an open casket, his face, which was stitched together. His head was five times the normal size. It was gruesome. They wanted to have an open casket to show kids the reality of drinking and driving. It had an impact on me, but we were probably out driving around with a cooler beer in the car within days, if not the same day.
Speaker 0 00:46:49 The unfortunate thing about addiction is that so many people in order to get help, have to have a driving into the garage door experience. They have to get to a point where it's so bad where they are desperate. I don't accept that something has to change. There has to be some way, some sort of solution to not let people get to that point. So people aren't dying. And the sad thing is I don't have an answer for that either. All I can do is talk to one person today and it sounds to me like, that's all you can do too. And maybe that's the answer. Maybe it's this grassroots movement, that to start with one person telling another person and that person telling another person, maybe it's this show, maybe that's what we're supposed to be doing. Maybe that's my role. Maybe it's not trying to figure out what the world needs to do.
Speaker 0 00:47:43 What the state of Minnesota needs to do, what the education system needs to do. What about me? What am I supposed to do? I think that's how we normalize it. I think that's how we break stigma. One person at a time and that message can only be spread if you open your damn mouth. And I'm so glad that you came in here and open your damn mouth today. Yeah. Thanks for having me, Pete. I told you before we started the show that I have this question that I ask all my guests. That question is what do you want your legacy as a human being to be the most important thing, kind of consider myself a screw up. I didn't finish stuff. I didn't finish the job. One merit badge in a service project away from becoming an Eagle scout for freshmen years of college. The list goes on.
Speaker 0 00:48:31 When I go into the ground, my kids are talking about me and my funeral. I hope that they can say with honesty that I was a good father, not the perfect father. I know I wasn't that. No, one's perfect. To me. That's that's the most important thing. Being a good, a good husband, a good father, a good friend, breaking the cycle. Hopefully I don't end up homeless out on the streets. Minneapolis will flat out, decided to drive my car under a garage and shut the door and keep the car running like my dad did. I, I want to keep making things better, Pete. I can guarantee you by coming on the show, you have made things better for everyone listening, not just one person. Everyone that has listened to this program has been bettered. My heart is full from listening to you tonight. Thank you. Thanks Nick. All right, Pete. Here's your opportunity to have a sign off line. You got anything written down. What'd you find the one I use a lot. This might be completely inappropriate that you might end up having to just whack at kids, run into someone that they don't necessarily agree with, or maybe someone they work with is doing something wrong or underhanded. What I always used to tell them is all pigs go to the slaughter house.
Speaker 4 00:49:41 <inaudible>
Speaker 0 00:49:48 No be good to yourselves. It's important. Eh, as always here on authentic in keeping authentic, we have to pay credit where credit is due the tunes you heard on today's program as always to open the show. We had mama, mama, mama, mama, mad madness by muse and pizza pics alive and kicking by simple minds. And to send us off a Prince cover of the cross by Gary Clark jr.
Speaker 4 00:50:15 <inaudible> don't you cry don't you dare <inaudible>
Speaker 5 00:50:49 <inaudible>
Speaker 4 00:50:57 <inaudible>.
