Speaker 0 00:00:00 Hey you. Yeah, you, if you or someone you know, is struggling with anything mentioned on today's program, please, please, please, please, please, please email
[email protected]. That's a U T H E N I C K. The
[email protected]. I am available 24 seven three 65 to help in any way that I can. I have resources. I have open ears and open heart and tons of hope. I've been freely given all these things and would love to give them to you. Be good to yourselves and each other. Follow me on Twitter, using the handle at authen, Nick and my dog, Marla on Instagram at DJ Marla dot Jean.
Speaker 1 00:00:51 My mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, mum kind of started <inaudible>
Speaker 0 00:01:43 Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, Whoa, come to a Fenech what's hot. What's happening, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show. As I said, this is authentic where we get authentic. God, that jingle is really coming together. I think we got something there. Welcome to the show where we explore all things recovery. What do I mean by that? Well, what I mean by that is if you are still living and breathing on this earth, you yes, you are in recovery from some thing. And just so you know, um, that fumbling note, we do not edit here on authentic. So what you hear is what you get nothing scripted, nothing planned. We just fly by the seat of our beautiful pants. So what are we doing? Well tonight we are talking with Joe Young love round two, Joe, welcome to the show. Thank you, Nick. Nice to visit again right on. Glad you are back. I didn't scare you off. You invited me back and I thought, yeah, I'll come back. Why not? Before we got started to, I said, Hey Joe, what do you want to talk about? And what did Joe say? Well,
Speaker 2 00:03:02 I thought it would be nice to talk about my reflections on my last experience on authentic.
Speaker 0 00:03:10 Okay. Are you going to rip me to shreds or no? No,
Speaker 2 00:03:14 It's uh, it's just, uh, a nice product of, uh, you know, having that experience being on your podcast and then thinking about what transpired, just going through that and talking to you. I think that helps, uh, be a catalyst for, um, realizing more about yourself and uh, you know, your whole story and kind of putting it in perspective and, you know, gaining more insight. I actually rode my bike to a KFA last time. And so I was riding home in the dark. You know, you have a lot of time to think on the, on the bike. And I really liked that cause you're, you know, you have to focus on making sure you ride safely, but there's also that, that room for, uh, you know, thinking about whatever's going on. And so I was thinking about how, uh, reading about, uh, the flaming lips a lot at the time and, uh, thinking about what they do.
Speaker 2 00:04:06 I don't know if you're familiar with them at all. They, uh, they really create like a really wonderful atmosphere for all of their shows. People are dressed in animal costumes, there's bubble machines, uh, fog lights. So I was just kind of thinking about their way of life, the singer Wayne Coyne, you know, he says he doesn't partake in drugs. And I was thinking like, he's kind of created a whole life for himself where it's like a psychedelic amazing, uh, colorful experience every day. And so I, I kinda thought about myself. I feel like I've turned to drugs and alcohol a lot of times just kind of out of boredom or maybe just to shake things up, uh, create like a unusual situation. Um, try to have, have fun when things are just kind of like seem too conventional or so I was just thinking about that and um, I thought, well, you know, I shouldn't put myself into situations where I'm bored. If I ever feel like, you know, life isn't exciting enough, I can just focus on doing things that make life exciting that don't necessarily involve using, uh, intoxicants. And so, um,
Speaker 0 00:05:09 Because what happens when you use intoxicants? Oh yeah. You know, it's not always a happy ending there.
Speaker 2 00:05:16 It's kind of just takes control with a lot of different things. So anyway, I, on my way home, I thought, you know, like, I, I really, I have this goal of becoming a, just making music in general and, uh, I'm a solo performer. And so I really want to focus on my solo music project. And so I decided on my way home last time that I would buy this piece of equipment that I could use to actually make fully formed songs that I could make an album and I could go on tour and I could create kind of like my own flaming lips lifestyle, where I'm just celebrating music every night and having fun with people. And I'm creating an exciting atmosphere. I really enjoy music a lot. And I was thinking about how, gosh, I'm like thousands of dollars in debt right now for medical bills, but I'm like, I'm going to buy this piece of equipment anyway, just dig it deeper, baby, just dig that hole.
Speaker 2 00:06:10 Like I'm not going to give up my dream of, uh, pursuing music just because, uh, the hospital and the doctors, they, they want to realize their dream of making millions of dollars off of, uh, you know, hanging out with me for a half hour. So it's just, or whoever else. So, so anyway, I kind of was thinking a lot about that about just like got a really like seize life. If you really want to take care of yourself and you wanna, you want to really focus on your goals and do what, do what you want to do and in a positive way. So
Speaker 0 00:06:41 What steps have you taken since we've last
Speaker 2 00:06:43 Met? I did get the drum pad so I can make some fat beats and, uh, create some,
Speaker 0 00:06:49 I have to say it is awesome to see you say fat
Speaker 2 00:06:54 Beat. I don't know why,
Speaker 0 00:06:56 But it's just, you don't seem, and don't take this the wrong way, but you just to the naked eye, you don't seem like the kind of guy that would spit out a phrase like fat.
Speaker 2 00:07:06 Yeah, I totally get that. I kind of, I don't tow wear gold chains or anything or a drive a hoopty, but a show is very white. Yeah. But I've got, I'm a, I'm a rapper and I, uh, I love hip hop and I love dance music and I love all kinds of music. And so I don't,
Speaker 0 00:07:26 I want to put you on the spot. Wait, who am I kidding? Yes. I want to put you on the spot. Can you hit me with a little bit of freestyle? Uh, well, I can give you
Speaker 2 00:07:34 Speed if you'd like I don't freestyle, but I can try. Sure. Okay. Okay. I can go a little slow. All right. All right. Yo, yo, my name is Joe. I'm up in KA FAI. I'm trying to see with both of my eyes, nothing in the studio and you know, it's fly being up this hot on the third floor, going through several doors so I can hang out with Nick and Marla, his dog. And she's the coolest much around, she might have a blog. I don't know. Maybe she can't type. Maybe she shouldn't smoke a pipe, Joe. That was on fire. Well, yeah,
Speaker 0 00:08:25 I'm sorry. I couldn't give you fat beats. I actually got caught up in what you were saying and I totally like, I totally fucked up whatever sort of beat I possibly could have put together. I used to be really good at that and a little beat boxing as good. Yeah. Thanks man. Thanks. Thanks for, uh, thanks for making me feel good about that utter failure.
Speaker 2 00:08:46 It served the purpose.
Speaker 0 00:08:48 So it did serve the purpose. Thank you for sharing that with me though. That was fucking awesome. I really enjoyed that. Well, good. I write
Speaker 2 00:08:56 Out all my reps and memorize them and then perform them. The freestyling thing is something to cultivate for sure. That could be another. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:09:02 Where have you, where have you performed your reps?
Speaker 2 00:09:05 Well, I've performed a lot in Nebraska, uh, around the Midwest area, including Minnesota a few times. I've done it at work lately. Uh that's where I've been booked lately. I'm hoping to, to play around the twin cities area and yeah, yeah. I've had the joy of, uh, touring a couple of times with the rap rock band. I was in called time hammer. We got to perform up in Minneapolis one time and we were actually booked to play at this club called Nick and Eddie. And the show fell through, I believe it was the day of the show, the guy who booked us, wasn't able to get us another location. So we ended up playing a Halloween party in an apartment that worked. Yeah, it was fun. So did you make fat dollars?
Speaker 2 00:09:54 Just friends? Yeah. Hey, that's good. All sized friends. Yeah. Oh wait, I guess. No, I wouldn't. You're not, yeah. Sorry. I was thinking I'm not, I didn't want to mean like fat friends. They were PHA T friends. Yeah. There we go. They were, they were very attractive. Yeah. Like I said, I, uh, kind of focused more on the music thing and I, I do have some experience under my belt and I hope to do that more. So what did performing look like for you when you were using, what did that look like? I wasn't drinking hardly at all. I ended up finally doing an open mic. I always had this dream of joining a band. And so I didn't actually get that accomplished until I completely quit drinking in 2006. And then I was, I joined a band like the year later and so slowly but surely I, uh, I just noticed quitting of the drinking. That was the direct, uh, access to joining bands for me. So, so you think if you never would have quit drinking, you never would have joined a band the way it was going? No, I don't think so. I didn't have the confidence or the consistency or the,
Speaker 0 00:10:58 Which is odd because usually it's the other way around. I know people get that illusion of confidence or at least they loosen up a little bit where they can actually have a conversation with somebody to be like, Hey man, it was fun drinking with you, Brian, can I be in your band? Yeah,
Speaker 2 00:11:16 I think it would come together. It just wouldn't coalesce. Is that more
Speaker 0 00:11:19 So because you weren't following through with things. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:11:22 I think part of that was like, I remember, um, it was in this small town, near Lincoln where I used to live. Uh, it was called Seward, Seward, Nebraska. We a smaller town than Lincoln. Yeah. Yeah. It's a nice little a community nearby, which is the home of Concordia college. So it's kind of hip. I did some karaoke there, there was this, this guy, he came up to me right after he was like, Hey, you should join our band as the lead singer. And he'd had this, a cover band in Seward and I'm sure they probably did pretty well in the local circuit and made some decent money. But I was like, I don't have any way to come and practice cause I don't have a driver's license. And so cause I would just kept losing my license drinking, you know? And so there's like those, those obstacles that CRE that you create when you're engaged in that alcoholic behavior and so could have easily joined the band and got some good stage experience, but yeah, I didn't have any way to, to get to practice. So yeah. So it was things like that, you know? And then yeah, once I stopped drinking, I, I could really direct all my efforts and energy towards like committing to abandoned, actually being cognizant of what I'm doing and uh, making it consistent and uh, feeling free to be myself. So yeah.
Speaker 0 00:12:32 What is your commitment look like today? Is that, I mean, are you talking about commitment to yourself, commitment to people, commitment to what
Speaker 2 00:12:41 Well that depend on you and including your employer and a family and uh, yeah. Anything that you're involved in where, you know, you want to be a reliable, dependable contributor to that cause, and being sober and showing up, ready to work, being fully aware, fully alert, getting plenty of rest and all that
Speaker 0 00:13:02 And not making those drunk brunch plans. That's what I like to call those things where you make all these grand ideas when you're drinking or when you're high, all these great things that I'm going to do. And then the next day you're like, Oh God, I'm still me. So that's, that's what I call the drunk brunch plans. You know, when you're out, out drinking with your buddies and you're like, yeah, man, tomorrow, we're going to go out to brunch and we got this great place that we're going to hit tomorrow, going to get bloodies we're going to have shots. It's going to be awesome. And then you wake up the next day. Yeah. You're like, Oh God, I can't even get out of bed. Yeah. I think I'm going to go puke.
Speaker 2 00:13:44 Yeah. I am not drinking today. Yeah. Yeah. Until I feel good, then I will. Right.
Speaker 0 00:13:50 We'll see. I was the other way around. I was going to drink in order to feel better, you know, because that wasn't insane or anything like that because you know, if you feel like garbage after drinking, the only way to make me feel better was to drink. And then after I came down from that drunk, what did you think that it was going to be different that you weren't going to feel even 10 times worse? That's why I drank 24 seven. Yes. Yeah. That way maintain that way. I never had to come down baby. Keep that party going. And uh, it was not, it was not a party. It was, it was a fucking shit show.
Speaker 2 00:14:30 Yeah. It's not sustainable. No,
Speaker 0 00:14:32 You know, it was fun for awhile. I'm not going to lie. Well, yeah, it was fun. I mean, I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't fun, but then it stopped being fun. Yeah. And then it became like another full-time job. It became my life. Not even a job. It became who I was. Let's talk about who Joe Young
Speaker 2 00:14:52 Love is. I know last time we got a little bit deeper and I started to poke and pry and I was like, Joe, you know what? You laugh off a whole lot of shit. Especially when I ask you serious questions. Did you have a chance to reflect on any of that? Just kind of good to be more aware of that. I'm glad that you forced me to think about a lot of stuff and address a lot of different things. I think that's just kind of, part of the process of, of knowing oneself and kind of understanding where you came from and what makes you who you are now. And so I didn't, I don't think I dwelled on that too much, but I, I did. The other thing I wanted to talk about was that, uh, my imagination really runs wild and uh, sometimes it blows out of proportion.
Speaker 2 00:15:37 What others, other people's reactions will be to me like I'll concoct this, uh, idea of what people are going to think of me. And a lot of times it's, it's like making a mountain out of a molehill type of situation. And so I think maybe some of my using and drinking had kind of maybe came from that to just like, not care about what people will think of me or what, what their reaction will be. And so, and that's something I've tried to think about more now. I mean, even now, as in my recovery and everything, I still that's something I need to work on is not being afraid of what people's reactions will be in that. Um, it's always good to keep it real and present the truth and be as honest as possible. And if that, or how harsh it might be. So
Speaker 3 00:16:23 I love that. I love that. I want to explore that more, but first we're going to
Speaker 2 00:16:28 Play a musical selection chosen by ju young LA. Thank you. Thank you.
Speaker 3 00:17:26 <inaudible> we are the Y
Speaker 0 00:18:09 Welcome back to authentic. I am here with Julie Young. Lo Jo. Welcome back. How are you feeling? Oh, good. God. That's grand.
Speaker 2 00:18:21 Yeah. Another good day in Minnesota. Don't you know,
Speaker 0 00:18:24 You bet ya. Yeah. Yeah. And thanks for that musical selection. That was, that was pretty sick. Yeah. There was, there were certainly some fat beats up in that one. That's a real dope track. Yeah. Yeah. It's a hot, it's a hot button. We just pushed there. Yeah. All right. Getting back to it. During the musical break, I may or may not have coined a phrase impression management. I know I've heard it before. Other places in the 9,000 therapy sessions, I've done over the years in and out of 12 step meetings where people say things that are like mind blowing impression management. Let's talk a little bit more about that. When I was sitting in a 12 step meeting this morning, actually I was thinking to myself, how much I still hang my hat on? What other people think of me or what I think other people think of me and it's insanity these rabbit holes that I'm willing to go down.
Speaker 0 00:19:26 But at the end of the day, what it is is I just want to be liked and I will change myself. I will morph into whatever it is that I think that you want when I've been told on multiple occasions that people just want me to be real because they've seen certain glimpses of who Nick really is, who a thin Nick really is down at its purest form, which is actually kind of a serious person. I don't always portray that. In fact, I rarely portray that to people. I don't have a deeper connection with, I'm not willing to go that extra mile because I'm afraid. Yeah. How do you feel about that? Okay. That's that's uh, why don't you run me through what you thought I thought of you the first time we met? Oh, well, uh,
Speaker 2 00:20:21 Um, I feel like we bonded instantly over the fact that, uh, we're both in recovery that we're both involved in KFA AI and felt like a good, a good impression was made on, on both behalfs. And so it certainly was Joe. Yeah. I got the feeling that, uh, yeah, you're, you're driven to help others and work on this recovery journey is, is the best you can. And so, and I felt like it was some good serendipity that we would cross paths. So, you know, you're looking for people for your podcast and there, I was able to, uh, to participate in that and get the invitation. And so, uh, yeah, I think good impression was made right off the bat and that's, you know, that's what my goal is with anybody. And um,
Speaker 0 00:21:05 Okay. So let's look at the other side of that coin. Right? Let's look at the other side of that. What goes on in your mind when you don't think things went well?
Speaker 2 00:21:16 Yeah. I'll dwell on it and ruminate on it and to great lengths. Sure. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:21:21 What is it about how other people think of you that is just so important to you? What is so important about that?
Speaker 2 00:21:30 Because we're all in this together and we're all, we're all connected and it, you know, you want to have strong connections between everybody is what I think. Cause you don't know when you'll see this person again, you want it to be a positive experience the next time, you know, see
Speaker 0 00:21:46 I'm a fear-based individual. I'm afraid of pretty much everything. Okay. I mean, by that, what I mean by being a fear-based individual is that I always think that you are thinking the worst of me. That's what I think. I think you are thinking the worst of me. So I have to try so hard to be whatever it is that I think you want me to be. Yeah. You're happy. Exhausting because, well, yeah.
Speaker 2 00:22:22 I, I think we can both, we can both acknowledge that shore. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:22:27 And well,
Speaker 2 00:22:28 I'm laughing because it's, I could probably relate to some of it and I think it's, it's, it's, it's like too, it's too much, you know? So yeah. He can, we don't, I think the older we get, the more we realize it's not so necessary. Like you see like senior citizens, they, you know, I think we can cuss on this show. They just don't give a fuck. Right. They really don't.
Speaker 0 00:22:49 Yes. Fuck. Yes. Suck. Yes. You can fucking swear on this fucking show. Do you remember
Speaker 2 00:22:55 Bearing uttering a cuss word to last time? So, yeah. Anyway. That's so I feel like that's kind of comes with, uh, with age and getting older is like, you know, and I like, I love a lot of senior citizens,
Speaker 0 00:23:08 Just exactly. Like, I hate not giving a fight, hates senior citizens. They're fucking asshole. Then you better be breath and they drive slow. Nah, I love seniors.
Speaker 2 00:23:20 At least love your grandma. Yeah. They're both dead. Thanks for bringing
Speaker 0 00:23:24 It up. Well, make them proud. They really are both of them, but isn't that the worst when people say that, it's just like, yeah, tell your mom. I said, hello. As you know, kind of like a jab, you know, kind of like an insult. And they're like, yeah, my mom's dead. Thanks. Yeah. And then there's that real awkward silence. You're like, I'm sorry. Yeah. And then they either go, you know, like, Oh, I'm just fucking with you man. Or their mom actually like just died. And then you have to like put your tail between your legs and be like, Oh, I just made a mom joke in front of the dude. That's mom just yeah.
Speaker 2 00:24:02 Died. That's why I don't make mom jokes. You had I'm sure.
Speaker 0 00:24:06 All I can think about when you're talking about not giving a fuck with old people, is that really, really old people don't have fingerprints. So they would be the perfect people to Rob banks or commit like serial. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:24:22 I didn't know. They didn't have fingerprints. They don't live well. They wear off over time. Okay.
Speaker 0 00:24:27 Never touched an old person's fingers. Like a really, really old,
Speaker 2 00:24:30 Yeah. It's very smooth. I don't remember a fingerprint. Yeah,
Speaker 0 00:24:33 No, I don't remember feeling a fingerprint. Yep. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I do agree with that. So as I get older, I am attaining more skills to help me deal with this impression management that I'm dealing with my skills way back when, as in like two and a half years ago, my skills were using drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling to weave my way around what it is I really want out of this life. Did you find yourself ever doing that? Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:25:10 Yeah. Kind of just jumping from one thing to the next to, uh, distract myself. Yeah. For me from a finding the courage and the strength to be myself and do what Joe needs to do to have a fulfilling life. So yeah, I guess there must, there must be some fear and really like zeroing in, on feeling like you have the, the skills and the talent to, to do what you want to do, what you imagine you want to do and then actually achieving it or executing it. You know, like I've noticed with my performance. I feel like that's like the actual real me. Like it's like no rules. Like when I play live, I mean, I, I bring a whole bunch of props I'm wearing like crazy outfits. I'm, I've gotten, you know, sunglasses and I've got a hat that says baller on it. And I've what kind
Speaker 0 00:25:59 Of outfits we talking here. And I tried to get
Speaker 2 00:26:01 A visual I've performed in dresses before I've performed with a lot of, you know, I used some fake blood, um, just anything like just really loud and it's like a license to, uh, just completely freak out. And so, and I feel like, you know, in everyday life I don't carry on that way. I don't like, well, I don't walk out the door with like, um, zebras on and, uh, a shirt with a sunset and, uh, a hat from character Stan. And uh, some like neon, eighties glasses, like, you know, I'm not gonna like go to work like that.
Speaker 0 00:26:35 I think that would, but I can sometimes sound like,
Speaker 2 00:26:38 I always loved like spirit week at school, you know? Like, we're just going to go crazy this week. It's going to be great. Yeah. We're just going
Speaker 0 00:26:44 To let it all hang out with our Zoomba spirit and our sunset shirt. What did you say? The current chicken Stan. Oh yeah. Uh, ha uh Kalpana.
Speaker 2 00:26:55 Yeah, it's a hat from Kurdistan Kurdistan. Yeah. Kurgastan, it's
Speaker 0 00:27:00 One of the stands. I have a lot of drives to stands hall, a hat kind of like
Speaker 2 00:27:08 Some kind of like Asian, a warping of a stovepipe hat.
Speaker 0 00:27:13 So what's, you're saying is though what's you're saying is though, is that you now have this healthy creative outlet to let go of that energy, let go of all these social norms, all these things that you think other people want you to be, all of a sudden you get on stage and you are somebody completely different. What is that experience?
Speaker 2 00:27:38 Maybe it's kind of like a Jim Carrey with the mask. Like it's just kinda like amplified and it's very, it's, it's great. You know, you kind of, uh, it's incredible feeling. I've even experienced a phenomenon called stage health. I've even been feeling terrible and then I'll go on stage and I'll feel great for that time. And then I'll get off. I'm like, Oh yeah, that's right. I'm like I feeling, feeling awful. And so, so there's that, you know, there's that extra energy that takes place. And then, um, uh, so yeah, it, it, it does, it does feel good. And I was just on cloud nine and like, like my coworkers said, you're really in your element. And so, you know, it feels good to be in your element. What would you tell someone that
Speaker 0 00:28:20 It doesn't have this need or this desire to perform? How would you tell someone that doesn't want to do that to express themselves?
Speaker 2 00:28:31 I'm just me. I a that's something that I enjoy. I enjoy doing my hats off to, to other people who can, you know, let's say write a new computer programming language or invent something or create a, a garden that grows like the best food. Those are things that I'm not good at. I feel like people can express themselves well through those things and they can see the product and the creation, other people can enjoy it and that's satisfying. And so people just need to, um, just listen to their, listen to their heart and listen to their soul deep down, try to find that. And don't, don't disregard it and thinking like, Oh, that's for someone else to do. Or other people are better at it. Each individual, no one else can do it the way that you would do it. It's nice. It's zeroing in on what only I can do.
Speaker 2 00:29:20 And expressing that feeling like, yeah, okay. Like I'm getting a good response and, um, I'm enjoying it and I don't necessarily perceive it as being that great. But then when I was like, let's say, I see a video of it. I'm like, Oh, that's actually sounded really good. And I'm in, I'm really pleased with that. Even if I wrote something and I, during the process of writing it, I'm like, Oh, this is, this is, this is okay. It's pretty good. But then if I, my friend asked me to write a book review forum and after it was published and I read it on Amazon, I was like, Oh, that's really great. I really, really liked that. And so it's like a different context can really helps me to put it in perspective and see, see what it is. Kind of like a, you with the hearing, the recording of your beatbox, like you could tell, like, it wasn't as good as you thought it was at the time. Nick told me this whole story about beatboxing drunk, but so that's like the other end of it. But like, and then like, let's say you listened to your podcast later on and you, you can feel really proud of it even more so than when it was happening. Maybe. So let me
Speaker 0 00:30:22 Touch on that for just a second. In all seriousness, I have always seek validation. I have always seek validation. And even when I receive that validation, I tend to discount it. If I were to send off a recording to an anonymous person, not a family member, not a friend, because if I sent it to a family member or a friend, I immediately would think, Oh, they're just trying to be nice. They're just trying to be nice. So I send it out to an anonymous person. I just picked a email address and just sent it off. And this person emailed me back and said, Hey, that was wonderful. That was really great. Even though I got the validation that I wanted, that I so desperately Seeked, once I got it, I discounted it. I didn't, I rejected it. What I'm trying to figure out is why, why is it that I so desperately seek this validation? And once I get it, I reject it. What does that even mean? Yeah. Doesn't that sound crazy?
Speaker 4 00:31:26 Yeah. Yeah. Thank you
Speaker 0 00:31:29 For validating that I'm crazy, Joe. I really appreciate that. Well, it's a self-defeating thing. Yeah, it is. And that's, and that's really what I'm driving at here is there is no winning. There's no winning for me. There's just B and that's really what I have to realize. That's what I've been taught. The lesson that I so readily push aside is that it's okay to just be, I don't have to be seeking any validation from anybody. That's true. As long as I know that I'm present and I'm doing what I feel is right in that present moment, I talked to a very wise person in my life. And he told me that in every thought, every word and every deed that I put out into the world, I can put it to a test. And it's very easy to find out. I can put it to this test to find out if it is something that is pure, something that will serve me well in this life is this honest, is this selfless? Is this pure? And is this kind in every thought word and deed, I can ask myself those four questions and immediately I can discern whether or not those things, those thoughts, words, and deeds do they serve my fellow man. And then all of a sudden validation goes out the window because I'm taking it. I'm just putting it to a simple test.
Speaker 2 00:33:07 Yeah. Taking it's ownership. Yeah. Right there.
Speaker 0 00:33:10 Where I get caught up is in the emotional piece I've learned throughout the years, certain skills. And it's called thinking in that in the wise mind, it's a mixture of logical mind, which is straight up. These are the facts of what's going on in this situation outside of the logical mind, there's the emotional mind. This is how I feel about it. This is what my tummy's doing while I'm thinking. Or when I'm speaking, if I can put those two things together, if I can put the logical and the emotional together, working in harmony that is wise mind, I tend to hang out in either very logical or very emotional Joe, how do you practice your wise
Speaker 2 00:33:54 Mine? I practice those principles through yoga. That's usually how it closes is I'm focusing on kindness in our thoughts and actions and deeds and words. Yeah. Deeds and actions would be pretty similar. So that's, yeah, that's, uh, that's, that's huge for me. Uh, I just need that to, um, to, to not overreact and to try to just kind of stay even keeled, stay, stay centered, stay, stay balanced. What is it specifically about yoga that helps you do that? Taking that time to, um, focus on wellness for yourself physically and mentally, you know, as opposed to, uh, trying to decide what am I going to do next? Um, how, how, you know, interacting with several different people, you know, just negotiating life and the outside world with yoga, you're taking this this hour to do what this very qualified, intelligent instructor is telling you. And I, I have trust in them.
Speaker 2 00:34:54 Luckily I've found a place where they're, they're the, that's the, uh, that's the way it is. I gained a lot from that. I'm learning from these instructors, everybody's there to, to listen and cooperate and, uh, take care of themselves and do their best and give it their, give it their full effort. And so I just find myself growing as a, as a person, because not only do I feel better physically, but I also, um, have a lot less mental chatter going on. I am able to expend energy. Uh, that's another thing I've been thinking about is just like, I feel like I have this boundless energy and a lot of times it's, it's not spent, I think a lot of my life, I just was not sure how to use it. And so you just like, Oh, just smoke weed drink, or do whatever do pills and this and that to kind of just like, kind of just derail or distract myself, or just to not worry about what I'm supposed to do.
Speaker 2 00:35:48 And, um, so with the yoga and let me, I'm able to expend some energy. If I want to, depending on the type of class, it is focus on what I'm asked, asked to do. And I find that, uh, the way that it's conducted and designed is really effective. And so one of the basic tenants is to that the, uh, the instructor says the light in me respects the light in you. And that's, that's not mistake. I feel like that's a really important thing to always remember is that, you know, there's a light in all of us and it's, we need to respect that in each other and try to bring it out in each other. Yoga is that's. I feel like that's the goal of it. I always feel better afterwards. It's, it's kind of similar to, uh, going to like a 12 step meeting.
Speaker 2 00:36:28 You know, you, you feel a little more grounded and relaxed after afterwards, have you ever felt worse? No. Going to a 12 step meeting or after going to yoga? Yeah, I have after a meeting, yeah. I went to this one where at least half of it was spent just congratulating each other and it was just to get something out of it. Yeah, I probably did. Yeah. I think just the fact of like taking the time to do that with your day is, is a positive thing. No matter what, actually transpires as cause you're, you know, you're making that choice to, uh, to do, to do a positive thing for yourself instead of, uh, something destructive or worthless. And so it really is a matter of perspective, Joe, we're going to take one more quick break. Okay. Now I'm a stay bitch. I'm a stay
Speaker 3 00:37:27 <inaudible>
Speaker 0 00:38:37 Back one last time to off then NA I am here with Joe Young love before we took that music break. We were talking about yoga and how yoga has helped Joe come into that wise mind finding that balance. And that is the one word in the English language that I have come to loath since getting sober. That balance because I, I, I love chaos. Yeah. I love calamity or at least I think I do. I used to love chaos. I used to love calamity because that is how I dealt with things. That's how I felt like I mattered. That's how I felt alive. That's how I dealt with my day to day. And now, now that I'm clean and sober, I still have those old ideas wiggling their way into my life. I guess it's more about recognizing and acknowledging that I have, I have these thoughts that maybe I like chaos. Maybe I like calamity and then explore that for a minute. Well, why, why is it that those extreme highs and those extreme lows are so appealing? And for me, my answer to that always was balance is boring. Boring is bad. Yeah. If I could rephrase that into something steady and the things that used to keep me going, the things that used to make me feel alive are now the things that I want the least.
Speaker 2 00:40:21 Yeah. What does that look like? Good to get to that point.
Speaker 0 00:40:24 How did you get to that point? Are you at that point?
Speaker 2 00:40:27 Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, to some degree, at least I am, uh, I really like, uh, a simple life. I don't need a lot of chaos in calamity where I, yeah. I used to thrive on it. I love just reckless abandon and just kind of not knowing what was next. It's like a alternative to, uh, the orderliness of everyday life. So it was more
Speaker 0 00:40:51 Of a rebellion yeah. Rebellion.
Speaker 2 00:40:53 Sure. Yeah. Yeah. There's that element as well. Yeah. Stick it to the fucking man. Well, yeah, like when you kind of grow up clean cut and I didn't do a whole lot of crazy stuff growing up and I think I just kind of craved getting wild and crazy and you're like, Oh, it's up to me now. I can do whatever I want and I can go buy liquor at the store whenever I want. And I can try to maybe uphold some ex societal expectations, mean the meanwhile, but me watching, watching those fall away. But, uh, yeah, it's nice to get from, uh, that chaos and anarchy into figuring out a way to, uh, enjoy your life and have a full rich life without, um, going that direction. And so probably some of that just comes with getting older too. I'm 39 now. And I, I know I put maybe a lot of people my age still get drunk and go to parties and probably I don't,
Speaker 0 00:41:46 It seems like maybe we should take a poll maybe. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:41:49 Yeah, they do. There's, I'm sure there's plenty. And so, but I, I'm glad that I, uh, I can find meaning and richness in life without going that direction. Like I said, I,
Speaker 0 00:41:59 It is possible. Yeah. It's totally possible.
Speaker 2 00:42:02 Like, uh, it might seem boring to, uh, stay in at night. Yeah. I figured out a way to have fun. I I've been watching the hip hop evolution and like, it's been fascinating. And so right.
Speaker 0 00:42:13 But I also heard from you is that you still have this element of controlled chaos, like the way that you perform. Yeah. Isn't that an element of off the map and our key just wild. Yeah. Yeah. But at the same time it's under control. Yes. Because you have control of your wits, your inhibitions, aren't thrown to the wind. Yeah.
Speaker 2 00:42:39 And it's a better, it's just better. It's, uh, it's a, it's a much better show, more fair to the audience to have a sober Joe. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:42:48 Would you say to someone that is struggling to believe that a DJ or a performer in that, in that sort of light,
Speaker 2 00:42:57 Especially if you're an alcoholic or an addict, I guarantee you'll be better at your craft or your pursuit, uh, without the substances or the drink, because those, those substances are, um, altering your true essence. And so, uh,
Speaker 0 00:43:12 But Joe, that's how I connect. Yeah. Well, yeah.
Speaker 2 00:43:16 I guess there's like a one in a million chance that, uh, it could be fruitful and work out. That could be like your calling card. Like, Oh, look, it's the drunk DJ or it's the drunk he's, he's, uh, he's always wasted. Like, let's, let's see what, uh, let's see what happens, but you don't want that to be your reputation or your, your essence or your legacy.
Speaker 0 00:43:36 I use drugs and alcohol to connect to my craft to be an artist. Yeah. How is that possible that you aren't using drugs and alcohol? How is it that you connect outside of using substances?
Speaker 2 00:43:49 I can follow through with the whole process very well. Yeah. I could potentially write some, some good things under the influence. Um, and I there's things that I've written under the influence that I do perform, but, uh, I feel like it's, it's, I can present it and it works live if I, if I practice and rehearse. And when I go and I perform sober, I'm, I'm remembering everything I can remember feeling so embarrassed, uh, forgetting full lines of songs, but that the chances of me putting on a great show, uh, are exponentially better, uh, with my sober mind. And so how
Speaker 0 00:44:29 Is your connection with the audience different now than it was back when you were using drugs?
Speaker 2 00:44:35 Alcohol? I just feel better about the whole, the whole thing. I don't want to feel like I want to feel high, uh, high on life and feel proud of myself and feel, you know, the work that I put into something paid off, as opposed to following a show and feeling like, Oh God, I should just get the hell outta here. You know, like, so you, you know, you want to be ready to connect with people. And, and, uh, and I've found that, uh, I get a warmer response when I'm cognizant and present and presence of mind. And I've just noticed over the years, I, the, the results, uh, are, are much better when you're sober. You can also put a lot more effort and time into the rehearsal and the practice, and I'm just cultivating your, your skills. And so, and with me, I actually don't have a whole lot of motivation to even pursue a lot of this stuff. And so I really, I do a lot of me just depends on other people saying, Hey, will you do this? Okay. So now I have an incentive to make a good show. And I'm sure that's coincided also with, uh, me, uh, taking care of myself and being in recovery. I get more opportunities they trickle in in much greater quantity. Yeah.
Speaker 0 00:45:45 It's funny how that works. Yeah. Where you have that thing called persistence. Yeah. Yeah. When you drive follow through.
Speaker 2 00:45:55 Yeah. Like you said earlier, it's, you know, it's walking the walk, not just talking the talk.
Speaker 0 00:46:00 That's where I always lived. I lived in talking the talk. Yeah. But when it came to walking the walk, it's like, Oh, that's too hard. Or, Oh, that was a good thought, but I'm afraid I can't do it. Yeah. I can't do it. And what we've both proven is that we can, yeah. And for me, the only way that that was going to be possible, the only way that I could prove that to myself, without looking to outside sources, to validate me where I could actually validate myself and Pat myself on the back, not in a self centered type of way in a wow Nick, good job. Seriously, Nick, good job. Never in my life. Did I think that was possible until I got clean and sober, that may not be the case for other people. And I'm just speaking from my own experience, but from what I've seen around me, living a clean and sober life, if you do have a problem, or if you think you might have a problem with drugs or alcohol or any other compulsive activity, if you think that you might have a problem with that, I want you to know that there is a different way.
Speaker 0 00:47:12 There's a better way and that you're not alone and that other people have done it before you like Joe, here it is possible. Isn't it, Joe? Yeah, it is. And you wouldn't be sitting here if it wasn't. And I just thought of that,
Speaker 2 00:47:25 This other thing that happened to me one time I used to take tons of Adderall. And so I remember like coming home and being really high on speed. And so my friend said, Hey, let's make a short movie. And so I'm like, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's make a short movie. Cool. I'll go get a bunch of stuff and we'll go, we'll get the video camera. Yeah. Like, and so I normally just talk like this, but, uh, you know, when, uh, when you take a whole bunch of speed. Yeah. It's it speeds. So, uh, but during the making of the film, I didn't feel high. And so I thought afterwards, I'm like, do I even need this stuff? Like I made this really cool product. Like I think I was just high on the art and I like, I should just be doing art. I just don't need to be, if I'm just focusing on that and expressing myself and making something cool. I, it supersedes the drugs. So yeah. Well,
Speaker 0 00:48:17 When that sort of thing, when that effort is rewarded, when it pays off in actual measurable ways, material ways or otherwise it makes the experience that much more meaningful. Yes, it does. When I can do that in a way where I can internalize it, that's the difference in my life. Am I internalizing the good and the bad? Am I accepting that there is good and bad and that I'm not all bad. I'm not all good, but I'm somewhere in the middle, Joe. I think you're all good though. I think you're on, you're on fire. You got fat beats. I'm gonna, you got sick.
Speaker 2 00:48:59 Hello? I hope I can make them. I have no idea how to use this device. I got so, well, maybe pill battle. Maybe
Speaker 0 00:49:06 Next time I have you on the show. You can share what you've done in the meantime. Yeah. That's a good goal. Yeah. Well, Joe, thank you so much for joining me this evening. You're welcome. I really appreciate it. Did you think of any, like, sign-off like phrase that you'd like to use?
Speaker 2 00:49:22 Uh, I was thought I could just come up with something. Yeah, do it. Do it, keep it real. Live the dream another day in paradise. Live it up before you die it up. Thank you, sir.
Speaker 0 00:49:33 That was fantastic. You have been listening to authentic where, who we get authentic and keeping in the authentic state of mind. We hear it authentic to pay credit where credit is due the tunes you heard two night, we opened with madness by muse. Then we followed that up with two selections by ms. <inaudible>. Yeah. Tell my vision by nightmares on wax. And then we had illumination broadcast the few Chuck crayon and you are going to hear one more song is we send you out. One of mine, new favorites, broken bones by Kaley. Oh, my name is Nicholas Thomas Fitzsimmons. Vanden Hazel. This is authentic where we get authentic. Remember be good to yourselves. It is ever so important.
Speaker 3 00:50:44 <inaudible> Mississippi state. <inaudible>.
